Obese, Prosperous Nation: Equals Thin Holidayz

okay. I said I was going to take some time off and catch up later and then the voice of "mobe reason" kicked me in the seat of my ass and told me it needed to be said. As IF! As if I could focus on my own problems and dilemmas when I see so much that is wrong with this world. Like Christmas in September. Only now it is another holiday that is buggin' me, Halloween, my favorite of them all.

Our children have been brainwashed by the media and fashion industries with big pull from high profile celebrities who can afford to choose to buy fake breasts, noses, asses and yes, even penises! In most all other countries they admire us for our ample figures. And over 75% of the American population is overweight with over half qualifying for that horrific title of obese, morbidly obese. I am morbidly obese and quite attractive. Sure I am disabled but in no way is my disability the weight or was is caused by such. Mine is mental (you all know that!) and a genetic disease and allergy to the sun, I am inhuman...no secret there! So why is it so fucking hard to find a costume for my favorite holiday without paying out the nose? Why is it my full-figured with a flat stomach daughter, who inherited my hips and ample bosom, cannot find a costume either? The adult costumes for her are too small. Yet, I look around the clothing stores and discount department stores and see the "plus-sized" department is less than ten percent of that of the "normal" sized departments. The same for men I might add. To make matters worse I have to go by a sea of candy and pretzels and googly-eyed pops to get to these places because they always put the "shameful" sizes to the back of the building trying to herd us perceived ugly people there so all the 25% normal people's eyes won't burn out of their sockets looking at us when they walk in!?!

I usually make our costumes but all my material and supplies for Halloween is scattered through two storage units and unattainable right now considering I am house hunting and in transition. And about that 25% that are thin and considered perfect...most all celebrities and high profile individuals fall in that category forcing you all to take a look in your own family tree, not for the dangling former slave or horse thief but for the obese member you live with or near. We all have them. Many of them, yet we cannot clothe these people and make them feel humane somehow? Here's a newsflash: OTHER COUNTRIES WISH THEY LOOKED LIKE US AND HAD AMPLE FIGURES DENOTING PROSPERITY AND WE HIDE IT LIKE IT IS SHAMEFUL! It is not and there are more factors contributing to obesity than poor eating habits and economics. Don't eat this and eat that and medication, disability creating sedentary lifestyles contribute as well as genetics as in my kid's case. She for the most part is thin but we need larger clothes so the buttons don't pop on my sixteen year old's blouses or the seat don't rip out from her ample bottom. She's gorgeous:

...and now even wider in the hips like her momma and larger in the bosom! So why can't she have the right to dress up and have fun?

I don't understand this. And even more newsflash: IT IS A MEDICAL AND SCIENTIFIC FACT THAT LARGER PEOPLE LIVE LONGER THAN SKINNIER. IT IS A MEDICAL FACT THAT OBESE PEOPLE WHILE SUFFERING BREATHING DIFFICULTIES AND MOBILITY ISSUES SUFFER "LESS" HEART ATTACKS AND STROKES THAN ATHLETES AND THE "SUPPOSED" AVERAGE AMERICAN INDIVIDUAL WHO IS CONSIDERED "CORRECT" SIZE AND WEIGHT!

I am angry and think many of you should be too. We put too much emphasis and magazines, blogs, television and radio pushing that it is wrong to look like me:

...a happy remotely healthy 40yr old woman and we prefer our youth and peoples to look like this:

...a very hungry Keira Knightly (a good actress who needs 12 jackets in the summer to keep her bones warm) who is in dire need of a super-sized McDonald's diet!

I am sick of this. Yes Keira is a pretty woman and so is my daughter and your grandmother and wife and sister and father and best friend and brother. We should be teaching our children to be proud of who and what they are regardless of looks. We should be encouraging them to exercise and eat right; my child eats better and better quality food than most of you. But we should not put focus on looks. We are all individuals and this BIG MOMMA wants to buy her kid a fucking Halloween costume that isn't a barrel or whoopie cushion!

I want so little of things. I need so little of things. But as a mother I want this world to be a peaceful place and for it to be free of ignorant judgement. You ever notice when there is good news regarding larger people it is never announced as OUT LOUD as the bad news...that is discriminating if you ask me...What do you think? I am sure plenty of you can relate...let me know, shout out on your social feed or this blog's Facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Mobes-Infinite-Disdain/180447431986468

...let your voice be heard, like the page, post it to your wall and tell the media and your family and friends you support healthy norms and big beautiful women and men and the prosperity you have earned! Don't forget to feed Charlie on your way out-he loves visitors!~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.

The First Year of Disdain

the whole year. It has gone by so slow and yet, I have this sense of loss. Lobo and I have lost, so much. And now I must be stronger and larger than life and smarter and succeed as I find our independence in the upcoming year(s) ahead...

 I wonder if I will make it alone. I have but a few short years to make it with her before she will fly away to parts known and unknown to be her own woman. She is wiser and has already tasted the hate and disdain that I have taught her so much about. Yes, some poisoning by me and mostly by her peers and family and social interactions with the likes of my most favorite of observations. She has even tasted adulthood in the love of another and a kiss but alas, he has fled finding her most distasteful to his future endeavors and not because she is not sweet enough, but because he knows he cannot fully embrace that which she is.

I will be moving in the next few weeks. I will be looking for a home and packing my life up again and I hesitate to do so. I am not sure of what I want anymore or what constitutes moving forward or where I want to be. I know I need to go and I need my independence but I feel a little apprehension and fearful of failure. I am losing my resolve but still trying to act as though I have a clue. I hope my future finds you all, and many more, still reading this and loving me in your own loyally disloyal ways and calling me friend. I even hope a few call me a few other choice words because that would signal that I have reached a most prized audience. the naysayers. Nothing would be better publicity than to have the ones who loathe you most follow you like a lamb to keep tabs on you. I have been stalked in life and love so why not in work. But for now...

...I will spend this evening thinking of nothing. Just enjoying the television and the radio and the cats and my child at dawn and my pillow by dawn's daylight...for now, have fun my loves and keep reaching up and out and never crawl back in and down.~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.

Mocking Bird

Mocking Bird

The voice of irresistibility shall never refrain
   from the bird of youth with an adult's brain
As a humming sweet echo reverbates on high
   so too, all little mocking birds take to the sky
Laugh, little one and laugh again loud
   mocking walkers and passersby head to the clouds
How silly they looks when they reach out to grasp
   at my delicate wings tinged in gold colored flash


See me, hear me, want me and need me, but can't catch me or trap me 
only imagine they feel me


The rapture's awareness in a tormented hell
   when undeniably, inexplicably you didn't know too well
I blend into invisibility with my own unspecialness
   hide and seek are my favorite, I confess, I guess.
Sitting atop highest branches at home in my roost
   watching poor little fools search blindly my ego boosts
For my camouflage is perfect and confuses the heart
   sending you on a treasure hunt by doing my part


Can't catch me, can't see but you hear me indeed and want me, need me
only to imagine you're with me


As the voice of irresistible dreams squawking madly in your head
   and you envision a sweet beautiful bird lying in your bed
But your pulse quickens soon and your palms sweat
   as you wake up alone and so full of regret
Asking "Why, little bird, do you mock me," and 
   "Must your sound be so sweet?" and...
I am the song sparrow hiding full of unabashed deniance
   I mock and fly and tease in ignorant defiance


Look for me, listen intently, search until you can't find, as I fly
in sweetest songs all around and behind
23aug2008

~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.

An Ode

Ode to a man all outta breathe
If he keeps it "up" at this pace, 
 he's sure to face death
But of course deep down inside
 he knows all not amiss
Because those breatheless interludes
 started with a kiss
and...once their lips met like a cosmic explosion
 and that feeling built up as a wave on the ocean
  and the heart's quickened pace beat on faster in time
Passion! Oh so sweet, was their only crime
But just as the sea rolls and the universe thrashes,
 waves batter loudly on rocks as they crash.....yes!
It was he who faced peril...
 ...in the smile on her lips
And, knowingly, only to her (wink)
 the fatality of her hips...
5june 2008

~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.

Not Long For Wanting

and autumn breeze has blown in on windy northern air. I smell smoke and gourds and leaves burning there. I must gather what is needed and head for the hills for whom a bell tolls it's a battle of wills. I reflect today on the past year.

I have loved and lost and loved and lost and loved again. Only the love is still devoted to thine that not love me back. You would think all this talk of love would be saved for February's pages but here, it is needed to convey what has come to pass. I miss them. I miss them all and if you would take a piece of each's clay and fashion a whole other being you would have quite a partner to wander through life with. Only we don't do that. We were made in others images with none of us containing the whole material to make it through.

Somewhere there is another like me but with temperance and less truth and more ambition. Somewhere there is another for you too. Whatever you bring has been split into two. We look for the wrong things in mates. I know this now. We want to marry ourselves considering ourselves perfect by design and excusing it as perfect design and we should have been in search of what was missing. That I think now is key. And to find someone out there exactly like me is preposterous indeed.

I need to look for one that is shy when I am proud and is forceful when I am weak and is handsome when I am sick but homely when I am bejeweled. Only now my searching days are short and I sell myself thus. Whatever will I do?~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.

The Garden Mother

the Garden Mother

somehow I shall wander and seem to find 
the solace once was there and now left behind
the door it was closed and then locked too tight
and still he crept silently in late at night
bristly, stolen kisses he took from a she
the tears in the shadows he refused to see
and yet I arrived so safe and secure
I'm alive and at peace salvation my cure


now who was this madman, a thief you could say
a monster by nightfall, an angel by day
torturous years passing by too damn slow
not allowing a little flower to thrive or to grow
she'll have her day soon in the warmth of the sun
when all the rains wash clean the dirt that was done
from roots will take hold as time seems to fly
her freedom is blissful as she takes in a sigh

                                           onward through time a journey on through

as snow, rain and sunshine blow leaves two by two

today is a new one she's as busy as can be

season's hot weather and glorious is she

to be seen is to share all the charms she displays

tally the moon's left and in winds for to sway

a simple existence of joy to be held

and all of the color will blend and will meld

alone it's quite pretty, but a bunch are more sweet

for there are others like her in the fields yet to meet

there are no more doors now, no locks and no cells

pretty whites and bright yellows and shiny blue bells

I stay where I found the richest of soil

and ferment my scent into purest of oil

remembering a time so to never forget

the hate and the horror and injustice and neglect

and always a little wary and cautious "sweet fleur"

holding my face up high, to the ends endure

onward through time on a journey most over

too much to do here-and no time for clover

pondering the day to see my fruit yield

preparing myself gathering protections to wield

for down deep inside knows the monster will come

returning to the same spot repeating the sum

the hopes to be safe are now clouded in wait

becoming the predator with traps that will bait

and the days are getting fewer so I reflect all mishap

resembling not the pretty "fleur" but now Venus' flytrap

change will do good as I strengthen anew

offspring is safe playing and thirsty for dew

content to just sit by as still a sentry might

not sleeping at dawn or day and not night

I am proud for what I've done, who I am and all such

and ready for the end knowing I'll miss them so much

my time in this garden will be over 'fore long

and my wonderful legacy will remember me strong

onward I see now the journey's complete

the clouds will be watching as the next crops succeed.

15feb2008

~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.

The End of One's Love

it's a serious game we play when bandying about the word "love" and abandoning it just as fast. We raise our children to have the same concepts as us but there are times when our children go rogue and decipher its meaning for themselves. It's friday night now and I been waiting to find just the right words to convey "love" and to relate an incident from earlier this week....

My feeble attempts to give my daughter, Lobo, a true definition of the word have escaped me. I know what I believe it to be and what it can manifest as but have yet to find that everlasting feeling of "Ahhhh" that comes from the picturesque sense of what we have all been brainwashed to believe love is. This week my daughter was glorified and then beat down and it was private and quiet and cruel. She is still suffering at the hands of someone's love and what they figured it was. However, love is not temporary. That much she and I know. How? Because I would LIVE for her, not just die or kill and she knows this. She knows I am ready to meet the makers of we, and I only stay because she beckons me so. Loving her means doing things I wouldn't normally or "want to" do but I do them because they benefit her, her alone. Love makes you do those things.

Only the young man she loves tells her his "love" is fading. He doesn't love her or think he will continue to do so in the future after telling her for almost four years he does and he wants to marry her. They kissed, the first time for both this summer, and now, he sees pretty things everywhere and his hormones have gone awry and he thinks he doesn't love her anymore. What did she do you ask? She got grounded. She was misbehaved and got herself punished and now faces certain double jeopardy because his love was not strong enough to endure a month more than the already four previous years to his betrothed. His love didn't cut the mustard. We got kicked to the curb. Me as his second mother and she as his partner, and it is sad.

I love this boy as my own son. And I am angry. Not at him but at the world in which our children grow up where they cannot count on love or friendship. He wants that much at least. But how can I teach her to put up with watching him dote on another and love another and share pet names with another and canoodle with another when he was her whole world and she is? How do you just be a friend after giving your heart to someone who stomps on it and then still wants you around to see them happy and you waste away and silently, shamefully grieve alone? I think it is an unfair request of people to expect that things will end so easily and without guilt for the person who fell short of knowing what love actually is.

Love is knowing your partner, child, parents, siblings, etc...are imperfect and continuing to support them and do things that matter to them because of it. Love is resisting the urge to poke fun of and publicly shame and humiliate the person you profess it for. Love is seeing another possible love interest and speculating they may have more "benefits" to you but staying committed to the one you are with because of the duration and the things you have shared. Love is doing the things you may not want to because that self sacrifice meant more to you than the meaningless shit you wanted to. A favor is love, a look, a devotion that NEVER fades. I left her father and still love that man. I loved her more and needed to protect her and gave up my relationship for her, that is love. Hell, I left many a man/woman/family member for her. I want for her to have a man,woman or partner who will love her that much that they put HER first. Every person deserves that...but, unfortunately we don't get that. We get the other people.

Even more difficult to accept is that I brought her into this world not knowing but now knowing that it will be hard for someone to accept her for who and what she is. He did...until this past Tuesday when he decided he didn't anymore. I hurt so much to see her hurting and doubting herself. Her decision to remain chaste is one every mother should be proud of. Only now she is still trying to come to terms with being "unloved" by him and it will take time and a mother's love to see her through. And her mother herself is even disbelieving in the human races capabilities of being able to understand what love really is and the sacrifices that go hand in hand with the good memories and the devotion and unending aspects of it. For now I hold her in my heart and pray the fates will be kind and not force that pain on her as I have tried to keep my jaded viewpoints away from her and to allow her to form her own perception. Let's hope...~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.

Slavery

this was an observation from some great time ago. It actually was quite profound and it still makes sense to me today. I am not one to say any one gender, race, religion, etc. is better than another but in this instance, I was so full of anguish and anger for the opposite of sex. It is valid because it has been validated even if you don't agree with the sentiment...

Masculine is a deceptive gender as all men crave to suck. It is the son who suckles his mother's teet far too long, and in his own twisted depravity he imprisons her as his slave. Men have raped and pillages and waged wars with blatant disregard for the blood, human life. If the gods created man in their own image, then it must be said we follow a tempestuous, twisted, mean-spirited, stubborn brat! Who here has self esteem issues, cock issues, keeping up with the Jones'-er-Johnson's issues. It is he that aspires to be the father, but it is us who are the many sons' mothers. Blasphemy! Yes, but it is true. If you give a woman something of her own she will not wander or aspire to seize what does not belong to her. She is calm and rational and tame and tolerant. She may wander and share and she will be fierce and protective of hers and her own, yet, our sons continue to mock us and enslave us and control us and occupy our bodies and mind. What for? To what end? Are we all blinded by forced motherhood? Can we not see that the chains that exist are as easy to cut as flesh? As we are lorded over by them, we are angry when forced to come to every whim. I grown weary of the place of forced station. Demands are now met with indifference and the fueling of gains. Despite my tired self I am still dignified enough to protect my own. Why else would we be concerned with the issues of another? We love the same qualities in men that validate or emulate our own. We seek out the strengths in man that we know we have and are. For the sighted, all would agree that though the faces may not be so, the Mr. Universe's options as a suitor far outweigh those of the Herman's and Harold's. Men, however, seek out what they perceive are our weakest links. Preferring the smaller, simpler versions of the feminine self always containing the more pronounced/favorable reproductive organs, allows them to breed us into submission, thus perpetuating the weaker specimens going forward and strengthening their delusional dominance over all. Fortunately, nature corrects all in due time. But let us not take this last remark as an excuse to idly sit and masticate and prostitute ourselves for their unjust cause.~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.

(Insert Title)

the sanctity of a cold dark cave is the place I go when the hunger craves
          and they drive me to do the strangest things to me
by harbour's light upon the highest cliff in the darkest night crashing
          surfs that rift and a hole inside the earth's black flesh
a creature so tortured can hear far and wide and smell the sweet blood
          that is pumping inside as the drums beat it forth

beckoning and beguiling the reckoning will come
          drum away drum away drum away hum

it will crawl, claw and gouge out the blackest of soil yearning its quench
          all of its blood hungry calls
slinking and gnashing its teeth long and sharp to search out the smallest
          and grandest of prey
unseen and unheard will be what it is and before you can scream
          the red rain will flow

beckoning and bewilderment the beast will come
          drum away drum away drum away hum

the poor thing is floating on an ebony dream and start around roll and flash
          the final minute's strobe
a vision in the eyes of tremendous anguish as the last picture of life
         ebbs into the waiting mouth of evil
fighting for another breath while confusion allows the prayer of endings and
          total empty blackness fills the senses

beckoning and beknownst the death man will come
          drum away drum away drum away hum
18feb2008

~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.

Home

Home

I think I'm tired from thinking they say, so I just lay down
My mouth has run dry, there's no moisture around
Tingling fingers and toes signal the time to go to sleep
So I can dream sweet loving whispers of you
     to fall into slumber so deep I could drown
     falling lids, falling eyes, mind shutting down
     no visions of any kind, no thoughts left to roam
     the darkness it calls me back to my first home
The ache between my eyes feels like I've been shot
And the ringing in my ears play one melancholy note
The doldrums and druidic manner beckons me on
To my drearily restless sleep
     to fall into slumber so deep I could drown
     falling lids, falling eyes, mind shutting down
     no visions of any kind, no thoughts left to roam
     the darkness it calls me back to my first home
I borrowed your shirt today and it smells of you
Your cologne and scent tantalizes and it smells of you
I find I can't help myself, that no matter how I try
No matter if I am tired and here is where I lie

I need to close mine eyes and just not dream at all
     to fall into slumber so deep I could drown
     falling lids, falling eyes, mind shutting down
     no visions of any kind, no thoughts left to roam
     the darkness, I hear it, I'm going back home
9nov2007

~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.

Untitled, Again

just a small passage written so very long ago. Memory lane for me in grand and when I see what my mind was filled with it is no wonder my life has turned out this way. I scream of fire and pain and of hurt and loss from a place of someone who knows all too well I am afraid...

There is none closer for me to crave. Books are my friends and teachers. The sky is my father and the ground my mother. I'd give up a million tears to bathe in, for naught the violence that upholds. Today is my birth day. And tomorrow too. I was born and reborn with each dawn's light and I shall die a trillion deaths by the very same sunsets. Walking through familiar meadows and breathing in the cold airy kisses chills my lungs and bones. A fire keeps me warm welling up from within my very own pit and washing over me like baby memories. Life is passion and poetry, pain and health, sickness and cures, black and white. It burns by the light of stars and cools on the shade of trees. I like to climb these trees, to the top, to smile brightly at my tall, vast father. I feel so strong as I climb, almost as if I want to climb everything I see. But that want is not mine. My needs are always changing. I burst forth every dawn from my cocoon to evolve and so too do my wants, my needs. Today is half over so I mourn ahead my own death bearing down on me like a wild stallion. I shall feast today. Celebrations all around. Drink and dine for by our closest star's setting it will be time for me to give kisses goodbye. Tomorrow I am no more. Like the phoenix rising from its own ashes, I too shall rise anew, different, enlightened creature to a whole new universe. It is waiting for me.
8nov2007

~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.

We Were

We Were

Provocative, perceptive, persuasion has always astounded us all
Pushing and shoving a pecking order, contemplating human emotion and calculating it's next move
Never-do-wells minding no ones apparent business which was filled with delusions to begin with
Like waves cresting on the sea, the clouds roll through skies above us counting out days gone by, yet to be
Misery has never ever existed yet, for at this point, it wouldn't know where to harness its power from
Semi-hard anguish the only indicative of a masculine society raging war within itself
How sick and nauseating with the crimes turning our stomaches just rolling and boiling forth
Pleading with our innards to obey our will, but we fully know to purge is to absolve
The release and stench waters our eyes and the acrid smell burns our olfactory senses
We are thankful for that first taste of water reminding us of the sweetness of youth


Renewed fervor drive us on to the next scene
Life's evil emergence propels our vehicles as we run rampant searching for the next intersection
Even though the lights warn us, we proceed on in our ignorance crunching and crashing
How astonishing is the dim recesses allowing us the perfect excuses to our delusions
So we continue to commit harmful acts of unkindness to ourselves and one another and excusing such
As if we had the right. As if we had the right to defile our temples, we are on load nothing more
Why does a mother shun her child? What transgressions has the little soul?
Can we argue that the soul was corrupt and and she sensed it the way a mother cat senses its
Sickly newborn to cull the herd? If she is wrong or right it doesn't matter. We all exact
Our own justice. We will judge, we will persecute, we will condemn and, oh yes, we will hang
Necks broken by the tethers we put on ourselves and by the societies we elect


Exhaustion has taken its toll as we sit to reflect


Up and down. side by side.Vehicles propelled by mother nature's will or waters of unsurety
Some vessels crash on the rocks and someone's lost--never to be found. Life is the continuity of the water
Not the continuity of an individual fish, but a school, a flock, a gaggle or herd
Life is all things that have ever existed and all things that have yet to be existed
Existence is the beginning and the end and life is the journey. The good times we look forward to
We grieve the bad. Some will be all consumed by the flames and quenched by the
Snuffing out of our light. By day break there will only be the memories and the distant ripples
That wash ashore thousands of miles away in their echoes to the new forces
What we were, what we once did and how we once hated and how we once loved
Oh how we loved, we rejoiced, we sang, we danced, we supped, we cried, we were
22july2007


~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.