The Weight of Words

words from a friend mean more than most know, if even they are silent nods and a kind smile of understanding.

It is love that is unwound. It is life that is immeasurable and longing, that in time is brought to fruition and closure. Words from a sympathetic ear of understanding can be a light in the darkness for even those that have no tolerance for light and it's bright and blinding fire. It warms the coldest of hearts and causes the mind to push a little harder and strive a little more to reach that prize. And those prizes? They are unique to the individual...

...many friends in my life have come and gone. Some have proven their worth in salt and other just sifted through my fingers like quicksand and leaving that grit in your ass that makes you want to scream. The best are still there but even the worst have had their uses and taught me valuable lessons in life. I learned tolerance and temperance and to love and to loathe.

Now, I am here. I have my own immeasurable worth and wealth of knowledge to bring and find new frustrations in words of wisdom and aide I can provide another. I love with all I am and while having love for many things, loving is different and spared for few and far between. I love my kid and her lost siblings. I love my siblings, though not all of them and I love some of my lovers, still. I love my two best friends...one took from my past and one gifted in my present and both will be with me in my future. I loved man and woman alike as partners and lovers and friends, and I was infatuated with both at a time or one for the other as it suited. But those words were always sincere coming from me and held great weight and significance. I lament for the "lost" loves that left and abandoned their posts for whatever reason and lament my own sanity and lack of knowledge to be able to see the road that was strewn ahead before my car derailed. Alas, we all suffer at the hands of a blind curve or two...in my case almost 200 (at least I was consistent! lols)...

I have learned some new tricks. I have learned that just because you know something it doesn't mean you HAVE to share it. Sometimes it is best to leave the ignorant to themselves, and by ignorant, I mean that as a fact and not as a negative slur, so deal! People don't want the truth. This isn't to say or permiss to lie to them but there isn't a need to further the information. If they didn't ask for it, they didn't want it. If you have it to give, then let them know and let them ask...don't hand it over. Adults don't deal well with finding out they lack something. So, I leave them to the delusions of the mind and the misinformation and when the time arrives, I dangle what I can and offer it for free.

Free? Yup. Funny...never trust a person who will charge you for what they themselves came unto freely. I don't "pay" for information and therefore, I don't charge. I study and work hard and earn it, if even by trade, making my words that much more valuable when you think about it. And I don't mince them, not intentionally anyways. So why is it so hard to accept the writing on the wall and the advice given freely?

Answer: Because no one likes to find out they lack something. There's an invisible attachment of inferiority that comes along with the fact that someone knows something more than you. And we ALL suffer that ail at one time or other in our lives (whether some of you fuckers want to admit it or not!). I do...but like all of my fears, I go psychotic on it and jump into them with great gusto and a knife between my teeth and gut the fuck out of the sharks of knowledge that I lack and the inferiority and insignificance it brings. I have questions of myself that I ask over and over, judging and measuring my own person by such a harsher ruler than any nun dared to swing at Our Lady of the Sacred Heart ever could. And I still dive in with Bowie knife in tow and slash that naggling and wringing in the back of my stomach until the want to hurl evades me.


I love meeting people smarter than I. People who are street smart or academically smart or genius smart. All of them gems and I feel like a fool at times when I can offer nothing but secular wit and dark humor. But inside...there are a few who know and understand how spiritual I am and how a host of aide comes to me in places and from places that even the most intelligent couldn't understand. And I question that too. As if I've the right to receive such gifts so freely. Maybe it is why I give them freely, too...and then more frustration because I am only as smart as my vocabulary is and sometimes I lack the language it takes to explain things clearly when the language they come in doesn't exist anymore and not one living person has been found to understand it and I couldn't speak it out of mouth for the life of me. Words...words...words...they escape me but are SO important to me.

You getting the meaning behind it is important too. I pick up bits and pieces of broken lost languages of mankind along the way and even some not lost ones. It helps to ease the shoulders in the room and to bring a comfortability to a certain situation. I even make up weird words and dirty words to make them laugh and watch the miracles happen when the arms become unfolded and the shoulders drop and the hackles slack off...

...here in my dark I listened tonight to others' words. I listened to my own words. I felt the pain and sting of them and can understand my point of view and understand theirs but not have the right words to let them know that I see what they aren't saying. That "others" see what they aren't saying. That I understand. But my voice is shallow and I cannot tell them this because the fear is something that grips them tight and won't let go so long as they hug it back...and I cry. There is an absence of accomplishment when one refuses to let go of the tree even AFTER the storm has passed. Trusting the tree is important when you need it, but to stay there and make a home in the tree, it's mad and fruitless. Come down from the branches and sit and sing with me and listen to the words and feel my pain and let me burden my ears and mind and heart with yours because our two wonderful brains and our two wonderful strings are already tangled and entwined and it can only make for a beautiful ball of light as they ignite one another.

[ "The knowledge of two (however unequal) is still greater than one because all things hold knowledge and value..."~mobe ]

I want to make more words and share them with you...and I want to hear your words and watch your creations take flight...let go of the tree and let me take your hand. We got this together now...~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.

Dorothy's Not in Kansas Anymore...

in light of recent events still unfolding in this dark hour on Wednesday morning, May 22nd I am compelled to promote my thoughts and and some reflection on the tornadic event and the sudden tragic loss befalling so many this week.

I recall hearing how we here in the United States receive more than 75% of the world's tornadoes and the bulk of them being in the Great Plains/Midwest sector in places like Kansas, Oklahoma, North Texas, Arkansas, Nebraska, the Dakotas, Missouri, Iowa, Louisiana, Indiana, Ohio, Illinois, Kentucky and Tennessee. No where on this planet is there more likely to be some form of devastation from tornadoes and their effects on homes and lives. But I have a question that most would not like to hear. At the same time my heart goes out to all who have suffered and their families in this trying time...

why?

Why do we build houses on cliffs that end in mudslides in California and why do we build homes on the Gulf Coast of the US on stilts at the beach only to find them washed away with erosion from the hurricanes during  June to November? Why do we build homes on the plateaus where we are meant to have animals roam and live only to throw the dice on a roulette wheel of nature and watch it all get whisked away? And why do we use viable and safe lands to hold golf tournaments? Why not put the homes there? Let the elite play roulette...it is a rich man's game isn't it?...

this destruction cries out for understanding. We now have millions of families without home, food, clothing, selves and jobs...And we need to provide for them (not that the government will genuinely do that in a timely manner, because the longer they sit on their hands, the more likely the middle and poverty class will roll up our sleeves to do their job while profits skyrocket for the globe's largest companies as they cry impoverished pleas for tax breaks and incentives, all while taking grandiose vacations, thus allowing the unlearned masses the opportunity to point fingers at the politicians and further distracting from doing what is necessary to do)...

So what do we do? At one point do you say let's just get'er done? Don't like socialism? Don't like democracy? Don't like monarchy? Don't like totalitarianism? Get used to it because I have seen socialists that work better than republics and republics that work better than monarchy and monarchy that works better than democracy and democracy that works better than socialism. No one way is correct. NO person is using their head. And all are guilty of shortsighted visual acuity.

What we need to do is get back to a place where a dollar, euro, peso, rupee, lire, dinar are all worth a damn. Stop letting 50 people run this world from the unattainable golden chair while looking down upon us all and telling us what we SHOULD and MUST do. Stop fueling the lifestyles of these people and start thinking again and listening again to your bodies and hearts and souls...

my heart is sad. I have friends out there and even family in Kansas. We have lost so much and now it will cost us more, as a humanity, not as a monetary thing. Children taught to huddle who were crushed to death and man and wife clinging to each other cowering over their children, their infants to protect them-whole families destroyed! What does all this earthly collateral tell you about us as a people? What karmic forces are at play here and why take the innocent? Why not windy-whirly blow the fuck out of D.C. and some of the elite? Is it that the meek will truly inherit the earth but only after the undeserved have wrecked it?

Global warming be damned. I see an ice age ahead...I see water levels rising and temperatures rising, but I see the snow pulling back on the jaws of mountaintops like the receding gums of the wolf before he strikes! A cold wind of change is coming and will you be ready to pitch in to change the world? To change the lives and the way we live so everyone gets a fair chance and no child, dog, hamster, grandfather shall perish? Probably not, but now at least you know I am just one more who is disgusted with this...like it or not it is a disdainful week for many and until we can understand what forces are at play here it will all be for naught!

Dorothy found her way home the way she left, with puppy in tow...we dont' have a wizard to tell us to click our shoes...and this isn't just about Kansas anymore...~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves