...where to begin...
well, Father of the Year Award goes to:
Laurel and I are distraught beyond the scope of that word. I have been divorced from her biological dad since she was a year old...right around that time...it took until she was almost a year a half to finalize the shit...but we were separated since she was five months old. Regardless how horrible a choice I made in picking him, the damage was done. I learned my lesson...some of it...
and now? She's 18 and still a full-time student. We had to modify the child support one time. He had one "increase" in 18 years and kicked and screamed to the very bitter end of that judicial ordeal. Now that she's 18 he calls to notify the state disbursement unit that she's 18...but failed to report her as being a full-time student (which obligates him to continuing to pay child support until she graduates as long as she is a full-time student). Now the child support has been cut. Severed. He knew this over 30 days ago. He's been paying somewhat regularly. But since coming "formally" out of the closet, he has been campaigning for over a year and a half now for her to come live with him so he can stop paying support and put her to work early so she can additionally be a source of income for him...so he can save up for a pair of tits. Sorry so crude on such a severe matter but it's the truth.
I guess I should have seen the backstab coming...maybe I am not completely "good" as a mom or person for overlooking and underappreciating the extent of his greed, manipulation, selfishness and vindictive behavior.
He didn't tell us he did this. He's been kissing Lobo's ass and telling her "no matter what happens to me or my financial situation" she has a place to live. He needs someone in his home full time to take care of his things and pets. He decided to go back out on the road (he's a trucker and took a local job for the last 2 yrs to "see" her but instead decided to "see" men in bars, truckstops, diners and at him home)...along with his fiancee...she's a lesbian (that doesn't make her a bad person but you need to understand the dynamic of the pair's thought processes) and also a truck driver. She's been pushing him to be a "girl"...he even took in a homeless gal and got her a job, trucking or something...
...but it isn't enough. His kid was never his kid. He played house with his third wife (I was second) and doted on her child. The kid was an okay kid but still a shit and more so a shit to my kid. He has a child from the first marriage (which I helped him fight for partial custody of and he lost) he has never seen. Never paid for. He has this child and had visitation set up (by him and I) that he gets her every other weekend, alternate holidays and 4 consecutive weeks in the summer. I allowed him 6+ weeks in the summer, he brought her back after three. He was allowed every other weekend and I gave him almost every weekend if he wanted it...he barely kept the every other weekend. He had the lion's share of every major holiday as I needed the time to work and her and I were peaceful and okay with celebrating shit later or earlier. I paid all copayments and outstanding balances on medical situations with her despite the fact that he was obligated to pay half. Bought her 4 pairs of glasses out of my pocket.
He slanders me. He labels me and calls me a failure and a piece of shit. Says I am a fat whore and pig and a lazy cunt because I won't work. I have been fighting to be allowed to work. Fighting for my sanity back...fighting for my health...always taking steps forward and seemingly double the steps back...I can't take this anymore...
He isn't the ONLY source of my insanity. But he is a great source of pain. I was over him eons ago. But then he manages to work his poison in once again targeting Laurel Ann to indirectly target me. You would think after 18 years of this shit he would let it go. HE LEFT...Multiple times...he didn't want to grow up. He wanted to marry so he could have a mommy take care of him. I wasn't allowed a life, clothes, social settings. He ostracized me from my family and friends. Picking arguments at home and getting me so roiled and upset from the abuse just before visiting people and then acting the victim. Everyone abandoned me...her and I...us...everyone blamed me. Said I was a horrible wife. I did EVERYTHING he asked and demanded. I stopped wearing makeup, stopped socializing first with any male friends and later the female ones too, stopped calling on and going to see family, he even made me stop working...
...and when that divorce came through I had a damned good job, set up nice in my own place and it killed him. He stalked me and my work and even walked into my therapist's (parenting classes and help with depression) office demanding answers from her as to who I was fucking. He stalked my job and would go to my work after my shift and grill my employees...I was a manager.
I really can't take this shit. He isolated me when we were together, he tried to when we were apart. He didn't want me but he didn't want anyone else to have me...because...as he put it...I was HIS and he will do with me as he pleases!
I was a prisoner and have fought for my sanity against an abusive family that I grew up with and the mental/physical/financial/social/environmental/emotional abuses I suffered at his hands.
By the time I had found out I had cancer (after my second husband cheated on me) I was barely in survival mode. I wasn't a good mom, truth. I did what was necessary. Better than some but still detached from being a loving mom. I never blamed her or took it out on her. She was a blessing and yes, at times, my savior. I may have overachieved and overcompensated for his loss in her life...making whole new problems when she became a teen.
This piece of shit has taken all the credit for her raising and care. He has tons of friends and his family treats him like a fucking saint. (He and his two older brothers are not what you would call ideal children, parents, nephews, grandsons, citizens)...He has rewritten our history. Telling people I abused him and was a piece of shit. Telling my kid how she was born and who named her and acted as if he gave fucking birth to her himself. He practically passed out and I had him escorted from my delivery room until the final last 5 minutes because he was behaving like an asshole. He refused to let me go to Lamaze classes (which we could afford) and then when in the delivery room he decides he is the head of Lamaze and going to coach me to breathe and shit because he saw it on television...
...why and I saying all this? Because it is true. I can't pay my bills. He is forcing his daughter to choose between the mother she loves who's been there 24/7/52 and him...he is doing this by forcing us out of our home. We knew she would have to get a job and I would need to find another source of income to raise her when she graduated...something under the table...but he decides he's bored...it's been a while since I had a good fucking from this poor excuse for a human...and he shoves it deep!
He told her he would keep her medical "for a price"...according to Obamacare...he or I can cover children up to age 26...he doesn't want to and my Medicare doesn't include her. I see him trying to force her to jump through hoops just like he did me and it is breaking my heart...he tells her I "made up" the "story" about our genetics just to get more $ from him...he doesn't pay me any more money than he did 10 years ago...he tells her I want attention...accusing me of Munchausen by proxy disorder...he tell her that I never took her to All Children's...his stories have been unraveling for almost five years now since she has started her path on maturity road. Even my family try to tell her this shit. He kept in touch with my father for over a decade after our divorce and called them regularly to get information on me. I feel like a prisoner...
I am imprisoned in my mind, my broken body, my hovel that is left of what used to be a semi-vibrant life and now my horror and eyes are transfixed on this monster torturing me more damaging his kid's relationship with his own self by imposing poverty and mental anguish on her...knowing it will kill me...when does this end??
mind you...that man made six figures for several years...and bitched about paying $550 a month in child support...I never asked for more though had a right to raise it every two years...I didn't want the hassle of courts again. I haven't asked him for money. I don't want to...but he tells people he is sick of paying for me to squander AND pay taxes so I can sit on my fat ass when I should be working...I had private disability insurance for 2 years...never collected a dime from the state until "just" two years ago...but he's been saying it for over half a decade...bashing my name while I turn the other cheek...
I am drained. If you've made it this far, thank you for the time...this isn't a letter of hate or decimation of someone's character. It is a letter of truth, of helplessness...of two sparrows (Laurel and I) lost in a 2 decade hurricane...clinging to one another...in the palm tree...and now...the tree is blown over...and we're sent spiraling and out of control...we're going to lose our home, possessions, pets, everything because I can't pay our bills this month let alone next....rent is paid...but how do I decide what to pay? I need medicine and have to pay doctors...my car needs gas...I need a phone and internet to look for work...but I have to pay the water bill...
...and I am not asking for money. I don't want a handout. I want a hand UP. I want a job. I can work up to 1000$ (gross-before taxes) a month without losing my medical. Which means about 20-24hrs a week at around 8-10$hr....or I can work full time under the table. I can't lift, or walk far. I am frail despite my robust figure. I can do phone work and light office keeping and such. I can hold up a register...but that's about it...I'm at a loss....
~mobe has no more rope to be at the end of...her love to her all and her all to her loves
