...in light of recent relationship turmoils and strife making its grand appearance now that swimsuit season has arrived and most (notice I didn't say all) men are chasing the poorly dressed hookers on the beach while some/most (notice again I didn't say all) of their women are at home banging his father/brother/best friend/or sister, I feel compelled to make some things clear to you that particularly have nothing to do with the season itself but rather the mood it brings forth and the actions that are a consequence on the impulses of mankind...
* happy and loving relationships are built on respect and trust. Those two ingredients are across the board. You have to trust 100% and respect them in kind 100%. Not 99/1 or 50/50.
* when you "love" a person you see the flaws and accept them. They see yours and accept them. There is a fine line between admiring something visually, olfactorily, palatably, cerebellumly and shopping. Shopping is what you do when you aren't content with your old rags, old car, old house, old shoes and want to DISCARD them and get something new...or new to you (chances are if your significant other is the type of person who has to have new every day and trade-up all the time it is only a matter of time before you yourself will be a temporary trade up to them as well).
* there is a difference between debate and argument. Debate is taking opposite sides of a situation based upon the facts each opponent has and either coming to a consensus and meeting of the minds or agreeing to disagree. Argument is when you lash out at your opponent because your opinion is that they are wrong. Humiliating them and shaming them and punishing them are all parts of argument. "Pleading" with one to see your way is not an argument per se...it is passion for the debate so long as the pleading doesn't lead to punishment or debasement of the opponent.
* do not think the grass IS greener on the other side. Blind people and deaf people have as many relationship short comings as you do and make some, if not all of the same mistakes. We are all capable of err.
* "Flirting" is a dangerous game but a necessary one. We need to feel wanted and/or needed and sometimes a relationship can get into a rut of sorts and dipping into the gene pool to see what sharks bite is fun and stimulating. But it should be dealt with only by the pros. And parameters should be respected. These sharks need to know you are NOT available and yes, it is okay to let them know that you are a bigger shark and if you should become available you would swallow them up in a vortex even the Starship Enterprise couldn't find their way back from. But honor your commitment to your mate and make sure that it is clearly defined. Otherwise you enter dangerous water and flirting changes into "flalking" (NEW WORD kiddies! yay!!!!):
*"Flalking" is when you get into the dangerous waters and take flirting too far. You are now shopping in the dark in your bed (metaphorically) while your significant other sleeps soundly next to you. It is secret and secreted out of sight. It is "stalking" your next victim to replace the one you have. If you are in a position to be flalking someone new then you shouldn't be in the relationship you are in to begin with because it has already ended for you and you are just keeping them around to keep your company or to reap more rewards while you replace them. It is cruel and no one should be used like that.
* secrets are lies. I don't care whether you agree with me on this or not but Dr. Mobiuschic has done 41+ years of research on this subject since the dawning of birth and probably another 100+ years in previous go'rounds. Secrets are "truths" you withhold giving the illusion to a "false truth" which...we conclude is a lie. Goes hand in hand with shopping and flalking...you let the new potential mate believe you are single when in fact you are not. I don't believe in secrets. But...there is some leeway here...look below...
* information is on a need to know basis. I represent myself as who and what I am. But I don't advertise ALL facets to all people. If I am looking for a car, I don't think the gentlemen selling me a vehicle really gives a shit about my bra size or whether or not I was verbally abused by my last three employers or not. Not everyone needs to know everything. It is a tough road to be THAT open and considering I am usually the MOST OPEN PERSON most of you haven't had the pleasure of meeting (yet), it is not 100% openness that I bring to you. This is not to say I have secrets. But do you really want to know why my pinky toes' nails are wierd and spongy as opposed to the other 8 nails? Or that I pick my nose in the car when it won't blow out but deposit the "material" into a napkin, or use the napkin to pick it in the first place? (I don't do it in "public" or places of mass people but sometimes do it while driving rather than reach a destination and have it bothersome or an unprecedented sneeze take hold and launch world war on some unsuspecting "blue hair" at the fruit bar at the Chinese buffet...lols). We all have information that is pertinent or prurient and ALL pertinent information should be given freely in any situation asking for it. Getting arrested and "forgetting" to tell the arresting officer you have a needle in your pocket only adds to your predicament. Prurient information has its uses too. Church is not a place to confess to sucking twelves cocks in four hours. Not that I consider church more holier than personal religion, but I RESPECT those that do and there is a time and place for the seedier side of life...even for Miss mobe! When you fail to give information that is needed for consumption and understanding you are cheating yourself and them from a full conclusion...you are keeping secrets-lying and misrepresenting yourself. (EXAMPLE: I am SINGLE but have a certain gentleman friend who I love and have committed myself to loving. I flirt and talk and communicate with many men and women but they are ALL aware I am not married, not engaged, not in a relationship {his choice} but AM committed to someone of my own accord in my heart. Doesn't dissuade from the conversation but does set parameters that I don't cross and dictates what happens when THEY DO cross the boundary I set).
* boundaries. Good place to end. At the end. This is my circle of tolerance and this one is yours. These don't always have to be the same but in a good relationship they are clearly defined and if your boundaries are more loosely interpreted than your partners, then chances are you would be the one to cheat. Pure and simple. And you would argue the point as being your right to because you "never agreed to their boundaries" which leads us all the way back to the top where "respect" and "trust" are. You don't respect their boundaries and didn't trust in the solidity of the relationship and crossed them using your own poorly scripted choices as your excuse and making what was once the object of your affection now the blame by citing they brought it on themselves. WHEN YOU ENTER A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO'S BOUNDARIES ARE MORE DEFINED THAN YOURS YOU ARE CONTRACTUALLY (METAPHORICALLY) SIGNING THAT YOU "DO" AGREE TO THEIR TERMS. One always acquiesces to the smaller circle than the larger to respect the relationship and you can negotiate widening the circle at a later date. Negotiate...not force. AND, if you CAN'T abide by the boundaries then you must leave. There is no picking the fruit off a tree you don't plan to water, nurture and proffer sunlight and food to. (I will date you because I like the sex and company but I won't remain committed because I want my freedom to trade up like in Fantasy Football BUT I want you to remain chaste for me because I don't want to get diseases from any loser you get with....*hahahaha....I have had several assholes who offered me this great deal. Guess which loser you will get "something" from? Come on...guess? You're committed to him/her but they aren't to you! Hello?)
...believe it or not most all species accept their roles. Mankind is the exception to this rule and chooses to change them as they go and see fit. Most all species mate and have fewer relationship shortcomings and it is because they obeys the laws of a relationship that is clearly defined. If you are offered a car that doesn't run and are forced to trade in yours that does...what have you gained? Pay close attention to the signs and bookmark/copy this and compare what you have with what your goal is. DON'T USE PEOPLE AND YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING USED ARE FEWER...
~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.
