Individuals: Part 8

changes occur all around us whether we choose to take notice or not. I have seen my own child grow into a fine young lady and witnessed my family change back and forth from beastly burden to strong sweet oxen. Life is full of it and coping is how we mow through it.

Imagine a world to which you go to sleep one day and wake up to find the pen you are using touches the paper and writes but the ink sets on fire miraculously then disappears without a trace. The car you put the keys in to start up immediately starts spurting a double mocha latte out its ass pipe. It's never enough that it looks like a car but now your whole set of rules has completely changed. Now imagine you are the only one who's ink is fire and who's car is an over sized cappuccino machine! For Lobo and I that is our life. We look human enough and smell human enough, even when we are doing our business, but internally we are as foreign as a wallaby in Alaska and as alien as Area 51. Our rules changed this past year. For me it was January 25th, the day before her fourteenth and for her it was in June as we have separate insurance. The battle to be accepted and understood is a melee of sorts and painful and long. I haven't been believed and accepted for thirty-nine years and this hasn't changed a thing. My parents were in denial and siblings too and people I discuss the matter of my EPP with also are of the mind set where they will be polite but snicker behind my back. Change scares people. This scared them and it brought me peace. Old people are willing to die rather than believe their doctors medicine and I don't quite blame them but not all medicine is bad or wrong. Science is a practice just like law in that we evolve and find new avenues of treatment for ills of the mind and body as well as ills of discipline. It won't be easy for Lobo and I see that now. Her father refuses to accept this and he has had a whole year, in about a few short weeks, and six months as well regarding his child. It was cute and funny when it was just me but now I am being persecuted by him and his kin for using and abusing my child for attention. Trust me when I say this, the diagnosis is a HUGE relief to have one but by no means is it pleasing to wake up to find the world was not created in your favor. I should have been born in a cave and be roaming the hillsides naked in my hunt for a mate and food and shelter but was born unto man in his image though I am an animal my medical standards. It is even worse for my sweet child.

Lobo cannot go out swimming or hiking or to a parade or amusement park along with the rest of the kids. She gets to be imprisoned unjustly for merely being my child, no offence needed, she was born. It pains her mentally and hardens her and I understand it is no easy feat for her to bear witness to her mother's demise as well as realise she will have a very long and lonely life, and one without me at that. Her other main parental unit should be studying and researching all he can to alleviate and make accommodations for her so as to make her fit in somewhat and feel love and acceptance. Instead he mocks her publicly when he cut his finger while shopping, teasing her and trying to force her into humiliation by making her suck his finger. Even to the extent of morbid embarrassment, and if you think the courts and judges and police officers give a damn, try again. They care a great deal less, as to them I am a dog, an animal and her "human" parent matters more to their world than she or I ever will. His new girlfriend placed a Christian cross in the house and LoboLobo will learn and will have no one when I am gone who will understand and accept her. I am accused of all sorts of things I haven't the time to entertain and the general population just doesn't get this and wants to remain intolerant like a crotchety old fool who refuses to accept the statins from their doctor to bring their cholesterol down. They and her family are in denial.

Lobo's father wants her doctor to tell him specifically that she is inhuman and is sick. He has the paperwork available to him but he feels the need to be high and mighty and expect her(the doc)to take time out of her busy schedule to sit and talk to him so he can insult her too. I hope in the new year she will have acceptance and we will have found other members of our kin who will help her through the tough times, I don't think it will happen but I still remain open to it...for now I just try to keep her happy and afford her the little bit of normalcy we can give and pray she is proud enough to not conform to a structure not designed for her and grow wise and tolerant through her changes. This mom fears for her and our kind and is at her wit's end!~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves

New Year's Speculation

been thinking for a couple of days on the things I would like to see culminate in the new year. I have hopes and dare not voice them for fear that I will jinx them by the uttered sound of my chords. They that need to know already do and my thoughts are merely just to speculate on what options will be utilized and what will be overlooked and yet again, what will surprise me in that I hadn't thought of them yet.

Does it make a difference if I write or say them? I seriously see Lobo barreling down to the end of her child hood and innocence thought the last part was lost long ago. Not through a tragic incident but be the typical way in this day and age that a broken family can rob a child of her youth and a sick mom is just the catalyst. I wonder what the new year holds for her as she turns fifteen soon and by this time next year will probably be driving with a permit. I have not else to do with my time than to speculate the future and investigate the past and try to improve upon the present. Gone are the hopes of an upper class eating establishment or a trip abroad. Gone even is the delusion of owning my own home, you know, the one with the huge master suite and a sunken tub big enough for three of me and a kitchen to die for! Now I only hope my kid will wise up and learn to cook and get into a routine befitting her the lifestyle she will have to lead in order to have a long and fulfilling life. The best I can hope for is she gets decent grades and can afford to pay someone to prepare her dietary needs for her, though I myself don't trust others with that kind of care for me-never did and never will.

I want so many things as I grew up in a needy genus. I was brought up human and suffer the ills of man in that I want things to make my life comfortable and things to entertain me. The warmth of a male companion is a want and never truly has been a need, though they all feel they are, and I am the one that is needed to fix their issues, only now I haven't the time or ability and means to do so. It would be nice to find one who is issue free but it would be selfish of me to expect that as I am not without my own luggage so I am quite content with the stock I hold in Energizer and Adam & Eve. I think it scares the shit out of them to find a woman who can change her own light bulbs and the oil in her car and is capable of everything he is. It isn't enough to know that they are wanted and to me I only want to be wanted, not used! So alas, I expect another year with approximately a half dozen suitors to which I will care and love for all until I am tired of the drivel and exact my independence. I am content in the cycle and have met some interesting fellows whether they all turned out to be cry-babies or not. It's funny how they all think on how unique they are and yet around me they all are the same. So my needs for the new year are few as I am able to acquire most of what I need and live without that to which I cannot obtain. As for wants, I'm at the stage in my life expectancy to just be content with what I get and be happy in the know that I still have the right to refuse the garbage thrown my way as if they think I will stoop just because my only visitor of late wears a dark cloak and carries a sickle in a bony grip!

Lobo will need new clothes and money like all teenagers and will want to go everywhere and do everything and really test my nerves as it will be as difficult to reign her in as it was me at her age. The difference being I was a lot more active and responsible and she still is a lazy lot with a total disrespect for responsibility. She is even disrespectful of the concept of money too as she still thinks it grows on trees and at her age I was rolling in it as I had several jobs and always kept busy. I want her to get a job and work her ass off and understand how hard it is to make money and where it goes. She hasn't grasped that yet and I anticipate she will need a very wealthy partner who won't give a shit about her spending limits! I have been to condoning of most of her behavior and she has taken every advantage of that fact. So like a man she is! I love her and want her to be a good citizen and mother and friend, she will have to find her way somehow. Do you ever wonder about your next year and where the money for your medication is going to come from or whether someone will be there when that time comes to call that you finally get up and take a walk with the big bony lug in the cloak? I hope all your wishes and needs are fulfilled in the new year, each and every one of you from the first friend or lover to the last friend or lover...~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves

the Re-Re List

it has come to the point of disdain where one has to start making lists for the the multitudes of "re-res" that exist to merely mess up my mood...this is such a list in the hopes of identifying them in case we ever get permission to put 'em down and out of their misery(jumping up and down waving her arm for the chance to be the first public executioner picked for the sole purpose of weeding out the lame examples!)

*people who use a mini mag lite to read the writing on the light switch
*assholes that run upon you in their car at top speed only to stop ahead at the same damn light you get
*men(and some women I venture to guess)who will go by a waste can a thousand times but never drop their garbage in
*mom's that teach their kids it isn't ok to speak of vile things like people's looks in public, but infer it is acceptable behind their backs
*someone who will pass gas without warning or attempting to do so in private to minimize the nasal damage!
*parents who tell you an order and then yell at you because you couldn't mind-read the specifics and then yell again when you are incapable of ASKING for things as they never taught by example
*dates who walk some several paces in front of or behind you because they have issue with walking beside you(excepting instances where there is no other way like a narrow sidewalk)
*dates or comrades who will go through a door and let it hit you on the way in or expect you to hold it for them
*(in sync with the last one:)people walking through the door you hold open for an older or disabled person(including strollers and such)and think you are their personal doorman
*service help who assume your age is whatever and that whomever is a relation rather than a relationship
*same service people who act like you did something personally wrong to them by letting them know their "faux pas"
*chairs with sides in a nation that is considered the obesity capital of the world....(I have ginormous hips and this has been an issue for some time)this also includes chairs and tables bolted to the floor at fast food establishments in the hopes that you will not "steal" them-same said establishments that contribute to the obesity problem-for those citizens who actually have eating disorders and are not the ones to which were misunderstood to have such
*people who sneeze publicly without a cover over their mouth(we should all know by now)
*people who do not excuse themselves to somewhere private at an eating establishment to flatulate, sneeze, cough, hack up a lung, puke, pick their nose, adjust their genitalia, fix their attire
*service people who think the handicap restroom is their smoking lounge and dressing room forcing those that need to use it to wait for their daily dose of shitting themselves and catching cancer earlier
*idiots who gladly smoke outside right in front of and in the pathway of a public facility forcing the surrounding  patrons and employees to breathe in and become awash in their Marlboro's(think of what it would be like for them to walk through streams of piss on their way to the latrine and ask them if that would be acceptable to them on a daily basis)
*people who think their drinking and smoking or other substance abuse issue gives them the right to council others when they sober up
*people without children of their own who will educate our youth on safe sex and child rearing strategies and child psychologists/mental health professionals who also are childless
*car salesman who waste your time and think you are stupid enough to buy a vehicle they didn't sell you just to get it off their lot as they scam you and convince you you cannot afford the one you want and hold your trade in as a form of ransom for a deal
*police officers and other law enforcement agents who show up on a doorstep of a residence where there is a protection order in play and allow the offender their say and then let them leave after they ADMIT to violating it
*judges who make laws and writs in court proceedings whether criminal, business or family law and never enforce or inject the proper authorities to enforce said writ
*24hr stores that are closed
*foreign language teachers who never speak and have less credits in the language they are studying than their first year students(who will argue with the children that speak fluently or have parents who do and feel they are superior in the parents native tongues!)
*public educators who expect the smart kids to teach the dumb ones and watch idly while the problem students(ie. bullies, etc.)beat the shit out of your kid or cause a course that allows for severe permanent damage to your child
*school boards who will not own liability to the teachers and their neglect of certain "non popular" students as a form of pay-back for a brilliant student showing them their asses
*an education board law that is flawed enough to not allow persons with disabilities the right to graduate who cannot perform the physical aspects of physical education and expect the parents to foot the bill to bring and pick up student after hours when they are (BY LAW)supposed to provide alternate education material suitable and during school hours to compensate for the handicap or disability in question. Very serious subject and violates the Americans With Disabilities Act enacted as of July 26, 1990

*Child Support Enforcement Agencies
*divorce lawyers and legal counsel to the rich and famous
*men who accuse their significant others for their spending habits when they purchased light bulbs for the home and then go out to buy a 900$ tree stand to climb up in a few times a year and fall asleep
*animators and artists of children's cartoons who make the chicks look like whores and the men look like "roids"
*creators of magazines who sell to the children's parents the notion that stick thin is in when science year after year show a more realistic picture that the fatter an individual the longer their life and that more underweight or at weight individuals have dies of heart attacks than overweight AND try to keep the records hush-hush! NEJM(New England Journal of Medicine is a wonderful tool!)
*clothing designers who have failed to recognize the women form in all its fat and fluffy glory and clothing retailers that roll out 4 racks in the plus size department and 44 racks in the misses and women's sections when over 75% of women are overweight
*clothing manufacturers who don't make maternity clothing for larger women as if the only women getting pregnant are between the ages of 14 and 25 years old and their median size is a 6
*any city planning designer that allows for a donut/pizza/sub/candy shop right next door to a fitness center
*any city planning designer that allows for a child's school or daycare to be within a mile of a prison
*people who slow down when the flow of traffic isn't impeded just to morbidly see if they can get a glance of the idiot who wrecked in the opposite traffic who did the same thing as they were an hour earlier!
*fuckheads going 20mph in a 50mph in the left lane because they are lost and refuse to pull over a t a gas station to ask for directions or get a fucking map($6.95 ain't that fucking much nowadays-skip lunch!)
*the leavers of directional signals on!
*persons who will not practice what they preach
*same said individuals who have a double standard to which does not apply to them
*conditional lovers
*punishments that do not fit the crime
*officials who treat everyone exactly the same despite thousands of centuries of how different we all are
*corporate big-wigs who benefit in times of recession and give nothing to charitable contributions who do not know what it is to have plain oatmeal for dinner with a glass of water because of poverty...(Record sales and oil prices during this recession and we have kids starving and mothers sick and men out of work and they never suffer at all nor give a damn)

....as this list grows so does my disdain and it makes one wonder why in the hell everyone thinks I should have a different opinion of human life and the value in it when our life condones poor behavior and to survive one must become less than human. Mobe's pissed again and will stay this way as it keeps her warm in her room without heat!~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves and her middle finger to the rest!

Getting it Right

There's got to be a better way of holding hands and staying out late
There has to be a better view between the stars that are over you
Our sky is small but vast indeed a better way to you I need
There's got to be a a sweeter sound like you name off my tongue

These days are long and full of night all awash without the light
And cooler breeze to calm my heart-I've got it now and have since start
I work so hard to succeed in all, a better idea to spare a fall
We try so hard and some in disgrace with all that work upon your face

There's got to be an easier task than to promise love that we know won't last
So I promise naught and give so much a quicker method is called for such
I want what you do and need what is true
A better way and easier task and truer friend that sure will last

There has to be a brighter side to stormy clouds under which I hide
And twinkly lights of diamond shine and no damn clocks to keep the time
I wait right here as always have no ease of pain or sooting salve
I see a rider up high on steed...is this my answer my one wish, need?

I am an Island

I am a universe unto myself. We all think on it for awhile or a night when we are little and re-visit the idea as we come to our ends. Questioning the inevitability makes us feel powerful and able to cope with life's obstacles thrown at us in the dark. Living, loving, loathing, lying, leaning and learning. It never stops and I re-visited today and found my little universe is behaving like a super-nova today.

Between the cats and kids and family and neighbors my world seems to austere and alien to the rest. I'm sure the feeling is mutual but they are here and orbiting in their own right and doing their own things and whether I like it or not they are a an integral part of the very same solar system I'm in. I am coming to a stage where the exploration of others isn't quite as amusing as it once was and part of me feels sad for that innocence lost. My kid will still be a shit and her dad will be a douche and my brother will continue to be goofy and mean at times and I will still be the bitchy beast I always have been. Realization doesn't make it easier as I see the pieces of the holiday tree scattered across the living room floor. I want a routine and want to get into a comfort zone and believe the world is round but I am so afraid to go that far and trust in what mine eyes see and mine ears hear. My cat has a penchant for tree thingies as he is still a baby of the bunch. They all go through the swatting and chase phase and I have been blaming him this past week only to find it is the "quiet" one. Like grandma said it is always the quiet ones! I missed the lunar eclipse a little ago and find my disappointment to be well in place as I never miss a celestial moment if I can help it. Life is so "chicken brothy" for me right now and all the cells on my "planet" are in a tug of war hell bent on its total destruction. I don't want to fight anymore and not because I am afraid of pain...exactly the opposite. I am addicted to pain and disdain and realize I have a lot to atone for when I go. Fighting is messy even in just theory and words and nothing comes out of it and rarely does anyone win a damn thing but a "title" like loser or bully. For me and mine it is bully as I have always been outspoken and capable of not letting most everyone get the better of me. So now, at age thirty-nine and some odd days, I don't want to fight. Like the turf under my toes I too and purging the ills off my being. I want to be free of space junk and remorse and guilt(never carried the last very long as I make it a practice to avoid such by calculating my actions beforehand and accepting the consequences therein)so as to make my "being" a cleaner environment. Only trouble is what's on the inside never syncs up with the outside.

What I am saying in far too many words is I am happy with who and what I am and shedding the things that make me unhappy whether tangible or intangible. I have many friends and family and some I haven't actually met but some I'd rather not have met either. You're all on notice...if you haven't heard from me and I haven't heard from you in the last thirteen moons, then chances are we mean so little to each other and my question is why are you still here? There are a couple I don't keep in touch with often and they know whom they are but they also know we have a mutual agreement and it is one of respect so we may not need to speak beyond the rare occasion. Lobo's godmother is one such. I want to be a better person and I don't care who approves or not and I don't care who feels put out or not! Time is running out for me and you so don't waste either's time on trying to be pissed with me as I have no gripes with you. Get on with it, get over it, do something about it, own it! Busy is the bee who prides in the hive and sweet is the honey of the bee who flies the farthest to the bluest rose. I won't answer the phone and haven't written a letter since I don't know when. Just figure this, those I love know it because I told them and those that don't...well no love lost eh?~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves

Reflections

fatigue washes over my tired body with the breeze of the evenings fan placed just "so" and allows me the comfort and quiet to think upon the blessings I have in my life. I cry and yearn and want and need right along with everyone else and I even loathe and despise and hate and wish away too.

This week was full of surprises. For me it held the hope and endurance of a thousand men as I fought with everyone and then fought with my physical self to just pull through and be a mom, a Christmas mom. It held surprise even in seeing my brother's softer side, the one that I thought long gone but still existing and smoldering underneath. From the smallest child to the oldest decrepit human stain we are all capable of the worst and best of ourselves. I wanted to give up just a couple of days ago. I wanted to lie down on the water and drift away or to sink into the sands of time only to be discovered long from now as an ancient relic of sorts. I wanted to non-exist on a permanent basis and I couldn't. Not because I am a coward-I've "done" the deed so many times too it always being screwed up so I know I can should the absolute need arise. Just, I felt more heroic and fearless picking my sorry ass up and dusting my hands off and telling myself to "shut the fuck up you stupid bitch and get your fat ass back in the ring!" I don't ponder what others thought when they got up or those that didn't and culminated into a wooden box, I just realized that I enjoy being a miserable stone in the shoe of mankind too much and my work wasn't done! Funny yes, true definitely...but not just that. No matter how much people cause a course of the click of the tongue and an intake of disdain, I see they have much to learn and I am drawn to them in their light like a moth to the flame. Lobo is a different breed of my kind. She suffers far less the ills and scars from this disease and inside part of me is relieved and part is absolutely jealous. Why do I always draw the short straw?

It's not as if I consciously want her to hurt, excepting when she's a shit of course. But I like to think of the ills and breaks and aches and burns and the fire I suffer as part of the forge that moulded me from the start. I don't like the lazy attitude she has and yes, I know that teens can be a handful to us all, but her life will be quite different than all of her peers. It is important for her to "get it" and accept it and soak in the knowledge I impart as I won't be around forever to pick up her slack or to correct her errs. She's really a good kid and quite loving and talks quite highly of me. I like that and will go so far as to say she has no reason to otherwise. If wishes were nickels I'd have a mint, as I have wished I was always without supplying the reason for her own dislike of me. But when you have been glued at the hip to the same ball and chain for as long as we have, you kind of rub each other raw and contemplate chewing your foot out of the shackle in the attempts for freedom even though you know you may bleed to death. Death is the ultimate freedom isn't it? True to form she did absolutely as little as possible and, well, I expected it so I wasn't too disappointed. Besides, I rather loved having the holiday with her for a change and didn't mind suffering the pain and medicating to get through. Most medicate one way or the other anyways to get through the stress of the family deal and I medicate to stand up to cook and take frequent breaks. She eats and tells me what I did wrong(LOL)but offers no assistance and doesn't criticise too harshly for fear her help will be required. All in all the weekend turned out like any other day and it ended with her feet under my nose as her head was on the other end of the couch and her fast asleep while I watched a movie. I wonder if she knows how little I watched and how often I do look upon her angelic face and smile with hope and pride and grimace with fear and loathing for the unknown in her future-the parts I won't be there to rescue her from...~mobe's missing you all-her love to her all and her all to her loves

Mother's Tears

it's not a good day when you hurt the ones you love. It's an even worse day when their actions hurt you, blistering if they intended it. Life is hard no matter who's shoes you wear and today it became increasingly hard for me and Lobo.

The adjustment is difficult for her and everyone keeps telling me I'm in denial. I understand why they have that notion because I am a quiet person who really takes quite a bit to get that upset, with anyone. Lobo on the other hand is sensitive and spatially aware of other people, whereas I can give a rats ass and she and others just clash. I miss her tonight. We are both in a time out. Almost a permanent one if she and I decide it to be. I'm not getting as well as I would like(not well at all, worse)and she doesn't want to help and everyone is at ends trying to dictate what she and I should do, albeit they mean well. I don't think it should be her or anyone else's burden and believe you me-she don't want any part of anything involving work or non personal gain. She's a good kid and I wanted a different life for her where she wasn't saddled with a sick mom. I raised her to hold herself in high esteem and she does and it would appear a little too high at times. Deep down inside I wish she was more familial aware of things and more family duty oriented. I feel abandoned as she wants to move forward in her life and I don't fight her too much, except at the prodding of others, to stay by my side. It makes for a difficult existence as it appears she doesn't care about me to them and even to me at times. Only I know she cares and she's still my scared little girl. She wanted this. She wanted to be here for it all and I let her only now I don't think I like my choice in doing so. She may not be able to handle this.

We had a big fight. Bigger than usual and she has been rubbing her uncle and his girlfriend raw. A typical teenager in a non typical home watching her mom die slowly. I may be ok with my passing but I am sure she isn't and only until tonight did I realize my family isn't either. I had to take her to her aunt's because I couldn't look at her. My sister even admitted to me she still hasn't let it sunk in I'm that bad off. I feel so helpless and cannot care for me, let alone her, which is why we are at her uncle's house. I grew up in a time when family just sucked it up and did what they had to do and when one member "fell" the next generation stepped up and filled in the line. I took care of my siblings and grandparents and even nieces and nephews and parents at times. Only now it is I that has needs and everyone has mixed feelings on it as they still see this robust loud-mouth and think she will live forever! I am frustrated and worried about her. The butting of heads is ringing in my ears still and she was disrespectful, but I do give her slack. She didn't choose this and the slack is because of the guilt I feel for "dooming" her to being in this situation with me. I do rely on her and have to fight with her but no more than anyone else does with a fifteen year old. But everyone else's fifteen year old doesn't have to watch mom or dad get sick and not move and do what they used to and/or hurt all the time. Lobo's rarely seen me in genuine pain and now it is all the time. And she doesn't have a father full-time to turn to. I wanted him to come get her, and he couldn't even answer the phone as he was with the new girlfriend...he blew his kid off earlier yesterday for his girlfriend. So she got a raw deal...a half a mom who's not gonna see the grandkids and make cookies and spoil them and give her advice and a dad who'd rather be elsewhere...As morbid as it sounds I think she wants to come with me...and part of me wishes she could so I wouldn't be alone on that journey too, but I know she has her own life to fuck up or enjoy and though mine may end before the next decade does(half decade)hers is just beginning.

She still hasn't been kissed or felt the rush of wind in her face the first time she gets to drive alone with the windows down and without mom in the car because she's underage. I want her to have a wonderful life and feel so fucking pissed that I am the source of her misery and a burden to her. Our family thinks it is her obligation to aide me and I feel different, though wish she would want to but don't want to force her...I am so lost without my Lobo tonight...I don't hold her and I don't kiss her often because I don't want her to count on it as it won't be there always-I want her strong...ready to take the reigns when I'm gone and not make the shitty mistakes I have with her life~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves

Slim Jims and Hangers-free...Locksmiths-fuck off!

the forgetful faerie came early for me today. Christmas dinner shopping and such was supposed to be a fun-filled adventure between an older sister and her brother. All was fine as we went to the first grocer and the second. When we exited the Publix on the other side of town I popped my trunk and proceeded to load with groceries. I never thought about it and how stupid the ritual was until now...

I have had a driver's license for some twenty-three years. Five cars and countless hubbies and significant others later it was bound to happen even to the most perfect of non-humans. I am flawed even in my unique design. I toss my keys in the trunk as I always do because I have a genuine fear of some idiot stealing them and jumping in the driver's seat and careening away with my purse, kid and whatever the day's purchases were.(safety first!) Nothing unusual in the fact excepting today my feathers were ruffled and I won't blame Jay as I am used to his practical jokes, but I have been distracted by other thoughts and once the last bag was tossed in I closed the trunk, keys and all locked inside forever. It is no big deal to most of you but to me it is a big deal as I rarely, if ever, make silly mistakes as this. In all these years I have never locked my keys inside my car let alone trunk and survived two hubbies who made a habit of it. I used to joke with them that my car(s) didn't like them and were trying to shut them out. Only now the joke was on "lil miss perfect!"

Not one soul had a slim jim, but I did...in the trunk of the car. Not one soul had even a wire hanger, but I did at home. I am surprised by how many people won't actually come to the aid of a person in need. At first I thought Jay was fucking with me and took the keys to get me rankled. But to my dismay and embarrassment I locked them up tight and this was the first time since he was a kid that he rode with me! I called home in the hopes that I had a spare-I know I owned one but with moving and such and the way I was living beforehand with all my mental disarray I couldn't remember where it was. I called the most recent ex and he denied having it. I called Jay's girl to ask her to fetch us my purse as I left it at home not needing it(probably would have locked it in too!)and then went into the store to use the phone book to look up a locksmith. I programmed the number in my cell and the cashier said the manager may have a hanger in the office. Luckily he did and it was already bent, they had this happen before I take it, and went outside. Jason tried first and then I gave it a shot. I didn't want to chip the paint or break the seal in the door for fear rain would seep in the car or rust the metal under the enamel. No spare key in the purse and no luck with the hanger so I dialed the number to find it cost $89 fucking in cash and I would have to wait for 40 minutes. I was shocked and asked the guy why is it almost $100 and he corrected me and said it was $20 less to which really pissed me off at this point and I corrected him that it was $11 less. He was a shit. I was a shit back, then he tells me he needs my credit card info before he will send out a truck...like hell I will give that mathematical idiot my card number! I told him I locked them in too and will give that information to the guy...I know he wanted to send that truck. They know we need them! I hung up...shortly, after a cigarette or two, my brother gave it another go and lo and behold, between my night vision and him and I being "in sync" with directions I gave from the passenger's side of the car, he managed to pop the lock, alarm blaring. He panicked wanting to know where the trunk pop was and I was panicking in the noise and attention drawing to us and ran my fat little ass over and popped the trunk forgetting the two Mountain Dews of death and a bag of Sunchips as they rolled off the back. I sprinted my fat little ass again to get them but my left baby toe caught a White-Out Dew and broke, painfully. Jason was elated and even chided how he saved me $89 and I chided back the toe surgery costs more! All was saved.

My question is this...Why hasn't some asshole invented a way of latching or clipping a slim jimbleels" and "step back from the cars" melody! It was awesome what the power of a loud little silver bullet(*FORD-Taurus)could do the rest of the parking lot! Just like me, my "Maggie" whines loud enough to distress others of her kind! lmao (I pity the suckers who finished their shopping only to find dead batteries after the orchestra!) hahahaha~mobe's love to her all and her all to her love...p.s. poor Lobo thought she broke something and freaked out...priceless!

These Aren't a Few of My Favorite Things

Teardrops on noses and blisters in mittens
Huge black and blue marks on faces that're kicked in
Sweet dear John letters explaining some things
These aren't a few of my favorite things

Mean old ex hubbies and arguing sisters
Parents that scream in your ears till they blister
So many promises broken like wings
Vows unremembered my least favorite things

People that stare down from nosy spec glasses
No matter how hard I try I have too big of an ass yes!
Little sweet babies that scream through the store
Make me insane and cause me grief and some more.

when my bed's cool
and the night's long
when I smile glad
I try not to 'member my least favorite things
and be thankful for all that I have!

Crazy old people that talk to themselves
Men who give not but always want top shelf
I try not to 'member my least favorite things
Despite all the thankless moments I've had....

hahaha disdain prevails once again! lol...Happy Times!~mobe's being playful so her love to her all and her all to her loves!

One Shoe at a Time

if I loved too much it was never enough. If I left too soon it was never soon enough. I loved and left and not sure if it was at the right time or at the right moment but I did it. Who wants to go shopping?

Yes, dear friends, tomorrow is another day and it will be cold with some mild in-sea precipitation of the foggy misty kind. Might even be a little overcast as I seem to notice a parallel to my moods and how they affect others like the phases of the moon. When I am not well, all is well with the ones I love. When I am happy and reeling then most assuredly my loved one either ail or go without! Catch 22 isn't the word for it! I want to be happy but don't know if it is in the cards. Not if it is at a loss to another. And some of the people who are made unhappy at my happiest moments actually deserve the dish they eat cold on those days. Hey-I love family but there are times when I see that they have an ass whooping or two coming. I'm curious about the tidal effect my recent breakup will have on my brother and his lovely girlfriend. I wonder most days at what in the hell I could have done to deserve the punishments I get. What kind of asshole was I in a previous life? Who did I hurt and why would I have done so? There are constants you carry with you and I am sure my strength be one of them as well as my impeccable taste and memory and thirst for knowledge. Did I step on someones toes? Was I a diva or spoiled brat?

When I wake up I will put one foot down and then the other like the rest of you. I will probably not grab a cup of coffee as I don't drink it everyday, but I will grab a bite and spend time with the little family members and plan the days deeds and tasks. I will have a need to venture out to get supplies for the big holiday dinner this weekend. Cookie making and bread making and pie making seem to be in order the next couple of days. There will be short sad periods in the day when I will miss someone and miss the attention I had from them. I know this feeling and it is comforting and seems to be my one constant in life besides the my disdain for humans. Maybe the devil you know is better than the devil you don't. At least I still have some things to look forward to, just not whole-heartedly! Maybe even might find a new target for my affinity in morose humor! Nothing like a discount department store or the grocery carts full of screaming kids to bring life's little intricacies to the surface! Mobe will be here tomorrow and the next day whether she is happy or not. Mobe will be here even if she is raging and alone for the rest of her life...she has a purpose in this. If one person chuckles, or nods in understanding then Mobe will continue to be here!~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves

Calling All Marlboro Men!

more reason to have disdain doesn't mean that one lives without happiness entirely. I have many reasons to be the prick I am so often. I also have reason to be more of one but I choose to be more timid with the time's passing. The love of a good man or woman will always do that to you and so will the love of a child. Friends and family gather around this time of year to remember those long gone, those recently left and those close to their hearts.

I will remember more than most. I will remember the face of everyone I ever loved and everyone I ever wronged. It is a "flaw" so I have been told. She cannot forget a thing done wrong to her or did wrong to another by herself. Mobe misses her grandpas on her dad and mum's sides this time of year and her Uncle Al. She misses how cool and sweet her kid's father could be this one day, but still loathes the way he behaves the other 364. This year I will miss not one love but several, six in total. I know, I know...it sounds like too many to me too! I will love them all and accept them for their flaws and always have an open door for them should the need arise in their lives, but never an open bed again. Acceptance is just that. It means I accept you and love you, but I still have the right to be safe and secure and do the right thing, so I may be forced to love some from afar, some from very fucking afar.

Men are very complicated creatures not based upon their intellect but their irrefutable evidence to the contrary and inability to see the writing on the wall. I either have the world's worst luck in this department or have so much karma to atone for that I am doomed to be a five-cat toting spinster! I don't go out of my way to look for them or love for that matter. At this point I am older and even more so medically and know the full worth in other's eyes of what I have to offer. In other words, I am not blind to how others see me. It's just that men see with tunnel vision and sometimes fall short of the big picture and don't get that the world is bigger than that but smaller than their ego. They are always willing to share the shit-slinging but never the blame. Over the course of my four decades I have noticed every man in my life refuse to make decisions because they wanted the guilt-free lifestyle that their mothers and bosses have made them accustomed to. Society did this and I yearn for a time when a man's word was his bond and he promised nothing and gave his all. For all the yearning in the world I come up with men who promise the moon and stars and give nothing, and when the shit gets deep they cry and condemn you and victimize themselves. If I broke up with them I was cheating, though to this day I never have and never will. If they broke up with me it was because I am not good enough and a bitch and all the crap laid upon the table that I am accused from in my sentencing are the very same "piles" of shit they themselves are guilty of. I call this the "I did it so you must be doing it too because you aren't better than me!" syndrome. The truth of the matter is I have loved and laid next to many a man and not one would roll up his sleeves to do the dirty work! Every holiday, anniversary, vacation, funeral had to be planned but never by them. The few decisions they made were in the haste of an argument which made them more susceptible to mistakes that I never committed and made things worse on me for being right more often.

I either had to fix their financial issues or their spiritual ones and even their impotence! Some I had to fix all three...was married to a man who's entire family had stopped in time on the day of his father's passing when he was but fourteen years old! I met him when he was thirty and "fixed" his issues and those of his mother and brother and sister and then was put out by the curb with the old vacuum and the old toaster when they started to live life again and realized I was no princess. It was beneath them to be seen with me as they felt their worth was now more than mine and that they had a need to "trade" up. I was married to another man who repeatedly marries his momma over and over with myself being the exception. He even tried to mould and force me into the mold but never succeeded and so I wear the label: BITCH and CUNT because I couldn't comply. Then there was this man who was separated by heart and distance and ruined money-wise. He swore up and down he would fix things himself but he never did. If I didn't do it it didn't get done...I soon realized I was a physical toy for him and he would have preferred one without a brain or voice!

lol) So I ask again, why do I have to suffer?

I suffer in silence and in print. But they haven't gotten my resolve. I am happy for I have had fun combing through them. Believe it or not each one is a great guy and has some very good qualities. Only now I wish and long for two strong arms to pick my spirits up as they grasp my hand and tell me with truth and hope that they will be here always. I have a warm bed and food and four legged children to keep me and Lobo content. Now I want someone who isn't going through puberty and emo-training to converse with and share it...is that too much to ask?~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves

Do Unto Others

the definition of right and wrong varies as much as the people who speak it. I have always lived and hurt by my own convictions and beliefs and yet, I still stand firm and tall, as tall as a five foot four inch chubby could, and know in my heart I try to do the right thing, even at my own expense.

Mobe is in love and has been for some time. I have no secrets. Only now, the man of her affection and her had a falling out today and the timing couldn't be any worse. The distance was killing us, at least in my opinion and there were logistical intrusions to prevent the union between us two, but I was willing to ride it out. Only some people have no problem defining right and wrong based upon what they will tolerate themselves doing unto others. There's a twist! (ALWAYS) And most often in most cases the same people who found no flaw in their design and actions would certainly find it had flaws once the tables had been turned. So, in the span of one day we were informed he wouldn't be free to travel for over a year and all was rocky but seemed workable. After all, Mobe loves him and needed him to keep focus, so, as his love and he being hers, decided the wait was going to be worth it, he's a really great guy. He has had a rough life and deserves happiness and I intended upon being the person responsible for that happiness. There are other complications to which we were working through, my living with family now was one of them. The other was the fact of his residence and whom he shares a home with. A lovely woman he has known through thick and thin. He still loves her as he should and I never begrudge him of that fact, I still love some of my exes and even that bastard of a baby-daddy! But she doesn't know she's an ex and he doesn't want to hurt her. I don't either and was under the impression she did know, even if to some extent.

So this wonderful man is torn between the woman he has known for almost two decades and the one he just met and doesn't want to hurt either but finds it acceptable to hurt one based upon time put in. I am ok with that to an extent, but in the end she should know. They are living a lie and even though he and I aren't together I have been where she is at and she must know or have a clue on something. Mobe is a quick learner and understands some are not. Unfinished business is just that! I don't blame him for loving me or me for falling in love with him. I accepted that we were going to be together and she would eventually find out but now knowing it will take a year or more changes the right and wrongness for me. Now I am the "secret clandestine OTHER WOMAN" and it all feels dirty to keep her duped for the duration of the wait just so he can be free of his guilt. I have guilts of my own and even some involved with this and know the sting of finding out a partner "checked out" of the relationship long before checking their bags at the door. I felt like a fool. Only now I don't want her to. I don't know her at all and take him for his word that she's a gem, but why wouldn't he want to make the gem work that he he has than to try to get another? These things are bugging me because I didn't just lose a lover in my heart, but ripped apart a bigger hole where the "friend" used to be...but seeing me and talking to me causes "him" great pain and tears because I told him I wouldn't help him live a lie for thirteen plus months! I gave up the man I love to cleanse his soul, against his will, and to give her her rightful place back as he wasn't mine to have in the first place. What I got was a heartache and accused of causing others to hurt or trying to. I know he loves me and is hurting as I am. But what he wanted me to do was wrong in my eyes and no matter how many tears I rub away it still is. Not just to her but to ME too! To know that the man I love is playing house with another and sharing intimate, if even not sexual, moments with her while I remain totally his is torture and unjust punishment. But he rationalized it was a spoonful I could swallow and that the ends justified the means...but they don't! I have been used before in all aspects like in this tryst! I won't let him do this to her...if he loves me then he has to be true to me and if he doesn't love her, it's gonna hurt but a lot less knowing it from the start than a carefully "acted out" year!~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Xmas Aisle!

there's bound to be a smirk or two. No matter how hard you try to conceal the embarrassment there will just be no way feasible. It was a completely innocuous conversation, and for once and never too often, I was the butt of the joke!

You see, I have been doing a lot of scrambling and shopping and planning as the days get fewer and fewer in the countdown. And on this particular day the conversation brought us back to a couple of days ago when Lobo, innocently enough, had approached me in Target with one of those hand-held critter-looking massaging vibrators. She was suggesting it as a good gift for her uncle Jason and was even "selling it" to me on the colors it came in and such. Wise old momma that I am was keen to her attempts to offer a gift for someone else in the hopes the stuffy toy in the other hand would make a lovely companion purchase and even offered several of those to cover the other children in the home along with her... None of the usual "What am I, made outta money?" exclamations had escaped my lips as I ignored her and continued in my journey with my sister-in-law to do what we were doing. Now pan forward a bit through time to Walmart today and walking up and down the aisles, when all of a sudden Keely(sister-in-law)shouts to me over the roar of shoppers "Did you buy that vibrator thing you were looking at the other day?" The fat chick was at a loss for words as several people started staring and the "purchasee" of the personal appliance that sounded so "personal" and the most she could muster as a response was to blush and throw Keely under the bus and shout even louder "No, but did you buy one of those Trojan vibrators I saw on tv for you and Jay?" Remarkably, no one turned their heads as they saw through my "save" and had already decided I was making it up to take the heat off of myself and ease my embarrassment.

All in all would have been cool had not some average "Joe" look back and smile and wink. Not one to be scared whether humiliated publicly or not, I proceeded with my shopping chuckling along with Keely and the two girls and we happened to come across the same "Joe" who chuckled and remarked "sounds like it's gonna be a good night!" The grin on his face was priceless as was the none-to-subtle shade of crimson on my face. He was a pretty decent guy as I surely can think of other more colorful remarks to be had. He went easy on me, but the fact he considered my visible disdain an outlet for his amusement rather turned me on!(not many people have that kind of spine!) Of course, the lady in my old age wouldn't allow me to tell him that but the chuckle still lingers and is the one good/funny things that happened to me today. Just me and Lobo and Keely and her Cheyenne and all the holiday shoppers and the jokes and such.

Note: I DID NOT BUY THE DAMN THING! Though now I think I should secretly and wrap it up for Keely! Maybe even get and extra one for myself and make my daughter use it on momma's feet and legs when she does the therapeutic massage for my edema! It was funny! I can take a joke as well as the rest and have been the butt of some of my own as well as others. My only issue with it was that it was something I should have said myself on both counts. So hats off to "Mr. Joe" for not missing a beat or a fine opportunity, and to Keely, for perfect timing and my evil lil Lobo for her damn suggestion that started it all.}Disclaimer:no animals were hurt in the making of this literary "Kodak" moment! LMAO{

~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves!

Deadlines & Lifelines

it becomes harder and harder to keep up good spirits as the holiday season gets closer and closer. I barely made it through Thanksgiving and I didn't even have to cook. Now "Ho ho ho" is upon us and I just finished putting up the tree.

With blended families it is hard to please absolutely everyone and trying to can pop a few vessels in the brain matter. This year I was able to accomplish a happy medium with my brother and his family, though it was a chore. We tend to forget how set in our own ways and how much we are our own best obstacles. I used to put up my tree by my birthday but it took me the better part of several days afterwards and I used to have all my shopping done by September and am tumbling through it blindly(lest not forget the Black Friday ordeal)and still not sure I am finished. At the rate I am going I might have shit wrapped by Xmas 2011! Don't blame the bro as he would have had things done before I usually do them and some maybe later. All of our times have been out of sync and we all seem like zombies going through the motions in distress one second and congealing, albeit temporarily, the next.

It isn't that time has escaped me or that I am bad at keeping time. Age and health play an integral part to the discomfort and the failure to meet certain deadlines and goals I set for myself. I have come to accept the failure and that in and of itself is a personal hell for me considering I was once quite over-punctual and adept at most schedules and their conflicts that would arise. Now I set a timeline and start to drown in the sea of denial and need a lifeline. It comes in the form of that meager acceptance of failure, but at what cost to my ego and mental stability? It's as if I have rolled over and just said it is ok to fuck up and  pretty soon, you'll be seeing me not even bother, again. I need a tangible reason for living. I know it sounds sad especially at this time of year, but I do need one. I can't find one good reason for wanting to go through the mess and disappointment of the overall holiday fiasco. I am not a scrooge nor an evil shrew. My kid, no matter how vile or not throughout the year, never goes without, but I recall plenty of holidays where I was an angel and gained nothing but the unfair swat of an ill conceived hand that didn't have a clue.

I just want to make it through, unscathed, a meal and some phone calls and call in the "nap" card and withdraw to my room. I am going to be responsible for dinner with the help of my brother and already feel overwhelmed as the two families eat quite different than each other. It would be remiss to please all but one, or some but not others, and pleasing all is going to be a feat I have to pull off. So now I resort to notes and an itinerary for what needs to be done when and fear my legs or other ailments may even interfere with that. If all else fails we can have Chinese take-out! Here's what I have come up with for a menu:

HOLIDAY Dinner 2010

lamb roast, ham with cinnamon and brown sugar glaze
sausage n winter squash stuffing
Toutque(French meat pie-though it's spelling alludes me pronounced toot-kay)
mac n cheese, roasted potatoes
spinach gratin, glazed carrots, corn
sausage n cheese n cracker platter, deviled eggs, condiment(pickle/sauce) tray
crab cheese spread
coconut cream pie, pumpkin mousse, spice cake with cream cheese icing

it doesn't look like much compared to the bountiful Christmas dinners we have had as children in my parents home, but it will please everyone despite the mix of regional foods and unorthodox sides to what we are all accustomed. There will be meat enough to please all and sides were picked by all and even desserts to please all. Here's a toast of champagne to things going without a hitch...as I will be spending the bulk of the week preparing the prep work and pastries ahead of time before Friday. Happy holidays and peaceful (re)unions to you and yours~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves

Oh Christmas Tree

it's a new one and much larger than the one I had before and this year seems to be the symbol of everything I have ever done wrong in life. I either did things too big or not big enough and always have to over think and plan every freeking thing on the whole.

Christmas trees are about as different as their owners and the decorations too. I am a meticulous obsessive compulsive decorator when it comes to my tree. It's too good for that damn silver stringy plastic tinsel that makes my kitties poo look like they ate a titty dancer from the down the road instead of a rat. As for the glass or "faux" glass balls, they only serve as a mirror to torment dear Iggy, Roxy, Hiro, Boomer and Gordy. The poor buggers see their reflection in the glass and whack away thinking another cat has moved in on their territory to take over the sweetest lap in the house. Nothing like waking up in the morning to shattered shards and wire ornament hangers. My living room floor used to look like a boot camp obstacle course for midgets! After the days discourse and some catching up with my brother and his SO I proceeded to open the box and assemble the tree of doom! Needles are everywhere and the cats haven't even seen it with the lights on yet but are licking their chops with anticipation of climbing inside to bat at or swat at the offensive "cat toys" decorating the tree.

I still have lights to do, putting it off till tomorrow seemed the best idea considering I need some pretty special bulbs for my old miniature lights to my chaser set.(I love the chasers in white because if you place them on the outside of a tree, even the colored lighted ones, and turn them on to the right speed they have the effect of falling snow) I have graduated to the new LEDs but they are too bright and someone needs to tone them down to the more candle-like glow of the old minis. I do use some of them along with the others but until they do I won't give up my old sets. I mean come on...technology is fine and dandy but why do we need these inferior lights that shine too damn bright when the whole idea is for visual aesthetics? Not to mention but the need did arise, the brightness adds to the allure to the four-legged household members drawing more unwanted attention to the innocuous ornaments that otherwise would have gone unnoticed by the beasts of the home. I place all the good items to the top and the lesser at the bottom, but I know my "big daddy" has a way of getting far enough up to reach the topper. One year they took down "the old lady" and shredded her to rags....sad day too as I had to retire her, hence the new sexier model! lmao

Somehow, through the depression from '08 till now, my memory slipped and until today had not realized that the ex had taken the tree down...I only just realized because I hand wrap each and every trinket with the grace and anal retentiveness of an old prune in a cable sweater! Now they are all just heaped together in a pile in small grocery bags like someone was picking apples and didn't care what got bruised. Even the silk flowers are all messed up and there are the years gone by's new ornaments. I buy special ones every year for Lobo and I and "other," and pretty much outside of actual bells, flowers, beads, ribbon, icicles that look like the frozen water daggers outside instead of silver hair and special ornaments, not much else gets put on. Once in a while I will bend and yield to some tasteful garland, but usually just an all around fantastic "shopping mall" art object specimen stands where the tree was when I am finished. So Mobe goes to the hardware store tomorrow to procure 12volt lamps(white) and 125amp fuses and check out the competition. Tree decorating is to the woman what yard decorating is to the men...pics will come to Facebook and here(if I can figure that one out)so keep your eyes open...in the meantime I am here comfy cozy tapping out the woes of the day and the giggles of the hour while chatting with friends far and close...~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves

Time Passing

at the end of the day all that really mattered was what you did and whom with. Today, tonight closes my thirty-ninth birthday and I spent it in therapy(by choice)and dinner with my kid. Simplistic in design, but for the first time in several weeks it felt normal and peaceful and full of promise.

I have no hang ups about getting older and I been talking about it for some time only now, as it is coming to the end of the fourth decade, do I feel the age I actually am. It's as though I have been 40 for some time now and just been waiting on the failing of the parts on the whole to catch up. I raised my siblings and other people's children and even a few husbands and ex boyfriends. I have worked all sorts of industry from restaurants(front and back of the house)and logistics(the art of getting things where they need to be when they need to be there)and factory work. I have been a home-nurse to elderly family members and a disabled uncle. I have been the confidante of my aunts and their friends and been a delivery girl. I have worked most my life since the age of 11 and can even account for a few odd jobs prior to that time. My life was never idle or boring even if it wasn't always happy. I enjoyed every minute of it and have come to the stage where I want to not do anymore. It isn't that I am lazy, I'm just fucking tired. I used to get up at 4am to deliver papers and walk the dog through snow blizzards and get home and eat and get the kids of to school before grabbing my own book bag and heading out to my own education. I'd arrive home by two-thirty to walk the dogs again and wait for the kids to get home and make sure then went upstairs to grandma's then head out to deliver the afternoon paper and collect cans and deliver Avon for my aunt. I'd be home by 6pm and start dinner to which my dad would come in shortly after and he'd watch tv while I started the bath/bedtime routine for the twins. Life was predictable and it was good. Lightning once struck not three centimeters from my heel one day running home from my dad's bro's house after babysitting. I was around twelve to sixteen then. Nowadays my body is broken and torn and refuses to comply when I need it to but I still can lift a heavy load and endure most things if given enough time and even my 15yr old complains holding half the load I got!

So forty is to come. I will celebrate next year the same as I have for the last 39, alone in my thoughts and looking back to the past for the pearls in the mud. Lobo will go to dinner and I will settle in for sleep but never before collecting the days humor or thoughts and sharing all, as I have done for some time now. My life is no secret....I have been paid to cook, sing, draw, model(yes nude)and keep track of other's business they were too incapable of doing for themselves. It has been full and no matter when the fates come to the door for tea and biscuits, I know I will have no regrets because I am tired and it has been a good run. In the meantime, there's someone to pass the days with who has pledged to keep me warm and smiling and sated and maybe some grand kids to look forward to should I go so long and some quiet time to be had. I am peaceful and waiting for him and missing him and hoping he gets here before the "goods" expire!~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves

Mobe's "BIG" Day! (chuckles)

I get spanked for all the flaws. I get bent only just because I can. Another year has come and gone and I find it isn't as amusing as it was thinking about it ahead of time. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for every sleeping second I get. It's just that there's this hourglass on some person's desk where the bottom is just that little bit fatter like my own...you know, like it is a crude translucent representation of self. And the master or mastress of it is watching it and mischievously rubbing hands together with anticipation as if they gained another soul to shovel coal in the engines of hell.

I know time is running out. To hear my family tell it you would think I fell out of my mother's "woohoo" announcing that very fact with a brown cloak and the bell of doom and a little crate to stand upon. Pealing with a deep gong this little infant screams "you're all dying so shut up!"

I seriously have enjoyed every single bitter moment and memory. Who wouldn't? It has given me food for thought and fuel for ambition even if I squandered my time on mind altering drugs and sated thighs! I know in my heart I have helped more than my fair share and I may be tired but I know I ain't done yet. So what does the big brazen Mobe want for her birthday?? In truth? I want enough men willing and accepting to see just how fucking long it will take me to tire and give in and then I want it published on the 6 o'clock news in every city across the world with my ugly mug with a secret smile on it like a Cheshire cat who got her mouse! Lobo will suddenly wake up tomorrow morning a willful and ambitious almost fifteen year old who is more than willing to help her fellow man or woman and always doing the right thing and never begrudging that she did or mouthing off when she was caught when she didn't. When my eyes open the love of my life has a perfectly cooked plate of rippled eggs with cheese and rye toast with (real)butter and seedless blackberry preserves and a tasse of espresso with a dash of cognac. There'd be a newspaper on the tray and he will be naked and horny but patient and my legs won't be the fuck jobs they have been and my body will essentially look the same but work 150% better than it has as far as "ills" go! My day will be filled with lust and the smell of liquor, sex and chocolate and if he's real naughty and wants to make me smile a little blood!(gotta love a good bite or two to show them who's boss and let them mark their territory too)

Alas, I will accept the screaming and hollering and the dog running amok and my family in it's traditional chaotic mood so long as one of them whispers a "hello, happy old lady day" and then leaves me alone for some solitudinal thinking. I love my friends and associates and my family. Am thankful for another sunset and the ability to thrive despite the world being designed by humans for humans! I will arise at noonish, shower, wax and get dressed. Lobo will come home at two-thirty and we will rush out the door and head to my therapists office where I will have plenty to say about the crap from the last two weeks. Then I think dinner is in order, either take-out or eat-in and off to my sister's house as I have been neglectful of my brother's twin whilst moving and getting settled in. Bingo last night with her was excruciating and I wasn't much company so I miss her even though she's a pain in the ass....another day, another year and another sunset, it's all the same to me. ~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves

Writer's Chilly Tail!

it's cold outside and inside too, my hands are purple and footsies blue
I want to stay and play awhile but fear the frozen tundra smile
that will rest upon my weary face when I lay my head down in this frosty place

the heat is gone and I feel a chill in my bones and spine and kneecaps still
there is no way to raise it up with two big blankets filled with downy duck
slinking down into the depths with woolen socks on my toes kept

too damn cold to feel a thing a twitch and itch from frostbite's sting
my heart beats slower and head is chilled as ass gets numb-er and eyes are filled
with tears of glass and saline drops but thermostat hates me and just keeps drop

my child she lay in warm heater's breast as I lay awake shaking and doing my best
for I need my sweet sleep and I need it so soon as I tend to wake up sometime around noon
remembering a time when the snow and cold comforted now angry as hell at the Florida's blundered

the cats are in a ball mosaic fur swirls four boys and a dog and three little girls
and I envy them all for their heat and vibration, not a care in the world for my own tribulation
now I plan my mode to heat a bit hotter and toasty my feet so not become fodder

I'm cold don't you know and it's making me pissed at the joy I should have that all is now missed
There seems no relief and I'm being drawn in a pool of icy sleep awaits my chagrin
so lie down I say to my limbs and my neck and throw on myself two extra, what the heck

this chick is so tired and cold and just sad and admits she's getting old and now feels so much bad
where once danced in flakes of white, fluffy icy glass crystals in the night
now cries out disdain from her cold choked out pain

oh mobe, you poor heathen you're frozen to bits! I hope they find me alive when I waken, not blitzed!

~mobe's love to her all...(brrrr brrr brrrr) and her all to her loves(dammit why wont someone send me there gloves!

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things...

i like to listen to my ears and the vibrations they hold
i like to hear the screams of the wind
i like to eat that to which would kill me
i like when my heart quickens in its demise
i like what you say to me when you are angry
i like how i think when you're through
i like where i wanted to go but didn't
i like when i am anguished and lost
i like that i know i can kill if need be
i like how i am when i am around strangers
i like that i treat people fairly even if not courteously
i like that i know what a broken hand feels like
i like the color of a bruise some two days after it receipt
i like the way his hips move when he thinks no one is looking
i like it when my lips are parted in anticipation of the words but then i tease and close my mouth
i like when a child learns to stifle and man up and not cry when not needed
i like when a cat can hear the swishing of my fingers and comes
i like the sound of a seventy-seven mustang when one of its cylinders is misfiring
i like the sound stale popcorn makes against my teeth
i like the feel of cold flesh between my teeth as i chew my sustenance
i like how many times i really have to holler for her before she gets i'm not coming to her
i like when my car breaks down but i don't panic because where i'm at is better than
i like when all the lights are out and i can make shapes and colors and outlines and even minute details
i like my red glasses
i like when i am cold and take my hair down and it brushes my back with warmth
i like the sky when the sun dips just below the horizon
i like the overcast days and their false sense of condonement to my nature
i like how not cold i can be the more colder it gets
i like the way i like these things
i like me

On a Grand Scale

a feather floats invisible to the eye in its own delicate beauty into the great unknown. It comes to rest upon the chin of a giant who in turn cannot see it or even hear its landing but is aware of it as he is allergic to all things avian. It compels him to twink and brush his nose and face with his hand as his body convulses into spasmodic contortion and his face begins to swell. His eyes' view is blocked by the bloat of inflammation and his airway becomes obstructed by its own flesh as his body reacts unkindly to the histamines it is producing en masse. Eventually, after choking on his engorged tongue and suffocating through the biting down of his lip, deep enough to be a "clean through" cut, he will drown in his own blood and lose consciousness from the lack of oxygen. When his limp body crashes to the floor the weight of him will crush in his rib cage impeding the weak heartbeat he is struggling to maintain, and the injury to his skull is severe enough to have liquefied his brain matter during the impact and now shuts down his complete neuro-pathways. All in all it takes a mere ninety seconds until imminent death...

To a human something so small and unseen would be considered unheard of. Most individuals never see a million dollars in their lifetime...it really isn't a great amount of space and yet we are capable of believing in it as existing. But later will deny the obvious truths to which our eyes have seen. Like the giant we perceive ourselves as infallible and invincible. Nothing can bring us down and we have come to believe that the world and the sun all revolve around us as a beacon of awareness. The human condition is that of ignorance and not one of the group's members can claim a stake in what they have taken and not returned and the impact their small feeble selves have made on this giant of a world. Somewhere in the universe there are other bodies like our planet and solar system and the whole of them make up yet another giant to which we are just an infinitely small scale to. We are the little microscopic feathers and thorns in his or her side! You are never more important than the man you slander, the woman you make cry, the child you neglect or the tax papers you lie upon! Life is much more grandiose and if this condition called "living" is so wonderful then how come it has to be so painful. It is only temporary and we should be propelling ourselves as a whole and protecting the vital organ, the earth, that we are sharing. We, instead, are doomed to choke and drown and end it in what appears to be a painfully slow process but has been proven to be a short one as time is of no true significance whatsoever. Just ask a dog, they live seven years to our one!

When you go to bed at night I challenge you to keep your hearts and minds open to what this all entails and to assess how you act and react towards the ones you love. I suffer a far more temporary state and none of the ills of guilt that extend to the human and other lesser creatures. I am AWARE of what I say and to whom and have fully accepted the ramifications for what that is...and, I never complain about the lumps I received for I already accepted them and was actually looking forward. Stop and think and see and look past the people and strangers who are your brethren that you seem to think were put here just to fuck up your day! Start taking notice of what effects you have had and how to improve your own little section of this part and how to teach and compel others to follow. It is sickening to watch the war and famine and desolation and corruption any longer!~mobe's somber love to her all and her sad all to her loves!

The Gods Must be Laughing!

after years of consideration it has come to my mind a conclusion so great that it would shock the nation if not a world. People have been searching for answers to every mundane question known to mankind and all would like to look into the face of their gods and ask why? I'm here to tell you kiddies that will come to pass, that day will knock on your door and you need to make damn sure you have the questions to ask when you get there, but here's some thing that you may not know...some deep dark fraternal secret...as Carlin once said twice over, these are the thoughts that keep me form attending the finer schools!

The gods have a sense of humor.

Don't believe me? For those of you in a mono-theist belief system, your god was/is the "first" stand up comic! For those of a multi-theist culture-our gods are a troupe of clowns and practical jokers hell-bent on laughs for those "in" on the fun and good times to be had by all! "Where's your proof?" you ask...walk with me a bit through this and then tell me what you agree or don't if you dare...

We all agree that the god(s) are omnipotent and all encompassing. In several religious works of literature it is said, across the board for all sects, that we are made in the image of "them" and that no other creation is of that image. As a seeker of perfection it makes logical sense to me that we wouldn't necessarily have a need to perfect "perfection" so we would tweak it just so for our amusement. Bear with me on this. When you have everything you want whether be food, lust, riches and the adoration of others the only thing lacking is good company, humor and entertainment. Let's just hypothesis here that the gods(I am using the plural here as I am a multi-theist sect member but it would be understood to fit for singular as well) had decided to muck us up a bit to get a "kick" out of our exploits, hence the Pandora's box of ills. But what if they took it a step further...

Take a man and a woman into comparison. For the most part we eat the same and sleep the same and do the same things with little deviations when it comes to the reproduction of the species according to our plumbing. If I was a god I would find it quite amusing to give one gender all the lust they can hold in their libido without the age and wisdom to do a damn thing right and make it so it peters out long before they are wise enough to know what to do! Then to work it into the comic routine to amuse myself, I would take the other gender and make them have all the knowledge and wisdom but no interest whatsoever in their libido until their age has reached a mature level. What you have is me as a mommy to the men in my life and they the little boys they all pander to be with their wants and such but no way to utilize what they have. We as women don't want to be bothered until we are older and cannot get enough and only have the most interest when we are at our least best but have carried all the knowledge for so long it makes us angry. And, to top it off the men all want what they don't understand fully and then cannot produce the goods in old age and continue to lust but revert back to childish wants because they feel shame at their inadequacies...but that's not all...

For a sight gag they make us all so pretty and amusing in our youth to strip it away and make us hunt and loathe what we want and don't have any longer. Have you ever noticed how as a man ages he has "dug" his ass into nothingness. All the aged men I see suffer form a lack of gluteus maximus, and all the women as they age keep getting bigger asses. Makes the boys want the mommas and the girls want the daddies and then we get these "game" rules that tell us it is a no-no. I try and try to find one female older than sixty with an ass the same size or smaller than she started with and couldn't find a one(excepting in cases of severe medical deformity from accidents or illness)and tried to find a man who's ass is larger now than when they were twenty is next to impossible. As women we have the boobs for the first 35yrs but then you start to notice a deflation effect of the natural sort and as ours goes flat I see more and more men with tits at the age of 50 and above...some even at 40! We are all being duped and tormented like mice in a maze to chase the unattainable and are made to loathe what we were and thus become shrewd bitter old rags!

Well I'm not buying it! I am getting older and yes the fun bags have a little less air in them and even I find I don't much like older men as I once had. I thought of them as gentle teachers as they weren't the ignorant fucks my own age without a brain who wouldn't know anal from pussy if blindfolded! But now as I get older they get more feeble and I feel like a creepy fat, old, sexy grandma who's picture should be on a bulletin board in a post office for wanting something a little younger with less tits than me and a firm ass to do some pushing! Lmao! When I was a kid I wasn't much intimidated by men and even looked up to them and now have lost most respect for a great deal of them as they replace their masculinity and "drive" with things that are tangible but they cannot take with them. And I, almost 39 can't keep my hands free from my crotch because I got an itch I cannot scratch alone and the only ones who can are young enough to be my sons! Cruel, cruel gods we have....I want to lead a revolt and create a revolution! But no one dares discuss the very taboo subject, so instead I opt for this...*bends much too immense ass over and drops trou and "blows" the gods a great big hello then stands tall and flips them the international tweety as a thank you!

To tired to complain any longer and feeling silly and even a little bit "free-er" than before~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves!

Love on the Horizon

only the people who have walked your road will be able to appreciate your humor. I find I am not here to entertain all as that would seem an arduous and vain task to even try. My story and "take" on things will leave a bad taste in some's mouths and will put a smile on other's faces, but will never be boring...

I had a dream last night, rather this morning, about myself. As usual most of my dreams are of me and quite self absorbed. Why shouldn't they be when they are the manifestations of my past, present and future? I was older than I am now and alone. I wasn't anyone special and didn't have a vast fortune but I was content and for some strange reason it didn't bother me none. I love a man right now and he knows it. Actually several but one in specific and don't want to alarm him or push him away but reality is what it is and this one may sting though it's not intended to. The idea of me being all alone bothers me only to the point of wondering where he is and if there is a "he" at all. You see there have been too many hes in my life and one more won't make a difference nor will two. I have been searching for the one who will be there, and then this dream goes and tells me it ain't so! Not that there aren't any candidates...I have several exes who find it difficult to let go and I myself like having them around. They are like my own little all "beefcake" cheering section until you get the bastards in the same room and the pricks come out with the rulers and who had longer time with me and what they had done!

It sickens some to know the numbers and even makes me shake my head with a wry smile but I am my own worst enemy. I create half the chaos I inherit and the other half comes by proxy. So I find myself wondering tonight why and where all of them are some fifteen years from now when I am older and grayer and longer in tooth. Iggy will be gone and my heart will be broken some dozens of times by then and I will be alone. In my own home or rental and watching the late night fare and typing away in my own perverse universe waiting for the end or a new beginning. Give the bitch a gold star! (finally got the license and registration thingy finished and lo and behold, there was that damn haunting gold star on my license at the top signifying I am validated as a United States citizen and not some short, red-headed, fat, cute terrorist as was thought a couple of days ago by "the Man")

My friends are all gone in the future and I sit quietly and calmly for the first time in my life and just are....it sounds peaceful. It looks peaceful, but the me that is here in this year only wonders about the sex I won't be having and if I will be sucking baby food from a tube...ick! Strained peas!!!! So when you wake in the morrow and look at what the head held on film the night before do you see yourself alone, peaceful and content or does it make you want to just get your heat on and go slaughter something in bed until he can't feel his legs and never will forget you??...you should all know by now that there are plenty of men and so little time and though I love one dearly and keep him in my heart, the beast wants and if that door is opened again has some numbers to catch up on! But don't fret my doll, I ain't going anywhere yet and belong to one-er two! You and Iggy and he says you can have the wall side of the bed so long as he can come in to say goodnight and good morning to his fat momma!~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves, with a wink tonight to a special love who I hope was just in the kitchen in that dream making me some tea and taking too damn long to come into the picture!

Individuals: Part 7

so a chick walks into the doctor's office complaining of a headache and chills and breathing difficulty. The doctor says "sounds like bronchitis" and prescribes antibiotics to aid in the healing process and notices the chick's left leg resembles a ham compared the her right leg...

My doctor said my edema is getting worse and my lymph nodes are working overtime and filling my body and well, gravity sucks. My legs are literally choking my feet and there is a possibility I may lose my feet and no one seems to have a handle on these issues and we are all just dealing with them as they crop up. The problem is I am the one who has to "deal" and it has been one emotionally damaging plane crash after another. One minute you got a chest infection and the next they say we got to take your legs...I am supposed to be confined to bed rest with my legs above my head/heart. I am not mad at any one person specifically and already went the faith-lacking route long ago and even don't blame the gods that be. I just want to know what the hell I did in a previous life to deserve this. There is no manual for how to deal with all of this that is going on with me. I have defied all medical science and I still keep going. I may lose the feet and later the legs, and yet, no discomfort. I cannot tell what is severe enough to warrant a medical check up and am so sick of one doctor after the next that I won't go unless I "feel" the discomfort-but I don't feel anything on a pain scale that is normal. By the time I do feel pain it is usually too damn late as the damage is done and I cannot afford to go to the doctors everyday just on the "hunch" that something is wrong!

The doctors treating me now seem competent enough but even they lack knowledge of "me" and this territory so much that we have a situation of a dozen people flying the same plane and all are blind. I am a beautiful woman who is fat and from the waist up quite dashing and from the knees down used to be but that middle-the hip/ass/thigh area is a train wreck. I need constant massage to my lower extremities and have to be wrapped like a mummy from Egypt and the wrappings won't stay still. My upper legs resemble upside down holiday trees and the wrappings role down like the stocking of a whore at the end of a night out on the town. It is painful to me in the knee joints and is equally damaging other areas but if I don't do it I can kiss my legs goodbye. The twist is if I do do it I may cause bruising which leads to clotting and possible heart attack or stroke! Most of the weight I carry is in that central area and is full of fluids that for some reason keep building up over time and my diet, or lack of, has nothing to do with it. I should crawl into a coffin and give them a chance to stake my heart "old-fashioned" style and be box-ridden and all this would pass according to them.(or the problem of me even being an issue would disappear according to their wishes) I thought exercise would force the fluids out and that the sedentary lifestyle from the bone loss would cause/aggravate the situation, but they keep telling me to be more sedentary. I don't want to be bed ridden and lifeless for the rest of my life. And the truth is there is no fancy romantic truth to me climbing into a pine box and waking up some 100 years later looking for blood and victims. This is real folks. EPP kills and if it doesn't get you one way it will destroy you another!

I am destined to decide my own future and fate and "HOW" I want to die-on my feet or on my back. We all want to die on our backs in the middle of the orgasm of a lifetime and well, it would seem my libido will be useful to that end...or I could let the legs slowly and painfully die first and be the pity stock and burden of and to others. This is horrific for my child to witness and it angers her and one minute she is so loving and the next she feels like she got a "bum steer" for a mom...I can't make that call but either way I will see her through to adulthood and after that your guess is as good as mine...I am somber and full of thought and even still entertaining the idea of a world without my fat-assed loud mouth...but I'm not done fucking yet....not done fucking with peeps yet either~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves!

Who Are You!...and are you sure??

for the better part of 39 years this upcoming Wednesday I have known who I was and where I was going even if I didn't know whom with and why I was headed there. Most of the people have known me and accepted me as I am whether under the snicker of trite harassment or acceptance forthright. But now...it has come to my attention that not only am I perceived to be a terrorist, but a stealthy one and at large!

I don't know when all this happened or who is directly responsible, but after carrying a United States, state issued, legal form of picture ID, I have been informed that they no longer are sure of who I am and need further proof to keep me on their grid, or watch list, as I might be smuggling two Christmas hams in my britches along with the watermelons I took last summer and stowed in my fucking bra! My birthday is due up and so is my driver's license and my registration for my car, and having moved on top of that I proceeded to the Tax Collector's office to take care of these issues. I was informed of my new-found "status" and was appalled that they could pull this shit when there are so many children needing shoes and food and adults needing medicine(mine was just jacked up to twice the cost from 2 months ago)and cannot fathom the enormity of snagging every US citizen and denying me/them my/their UNALIENABLE rights and the ability to pursue employment and drive a car or enter an adult establishment like a cigar bar because they refuse to renew my documentation on the grounds that a 5'4" fat-assed, loud-mouthed, red-headed heathen, so pasty white you need sunglasses to speak with her could be racially profiled for terrorist organizations!! Somewhere someone must have figured out the secret hidden truth to my blog and that it is to flood the eye-ways with Arabic and Muslim promotional propaganda to brain wash the youth and take over the world and force feed everyone until they become fatter and uglier than myself!(sorry Slim Fast and Jenny Craig....I had the idea first so kiss my shiny white ass!)

I not only have one week to bring them my marriage certificate, birth certificate, old ID, social security card and 2bills/mail as proof of residency change(I wasn't supposed to do that either without a note from the fucking Pope!), to the nearest office and act like this is cool, but they had the audacity to "offer" me to pay them another $6 on top of the doubled price, effective January this past year, to get an extension for 30days to produce said documents to which the authorities will charge me my first born to retrieve! I'm waiting for them to tell me I need a valid driver's license to get them when mine is no longer proof because "they're not sure" though I have a federal claim for disability to which may be compromised by my nefarious terrorist association and lack of proper identification. It used to cost under forty bucks to register my car and ten to renew my license and it is now almost forty to renew license and eighty to renew the tag for the car. And I will achieve this little star on my license to signify: "Yup, she's legit!" status and maybe not be harassed any longer by the "Big Brother" watching over me because I bought some Na'an bread and lebne at the Mediterranean store for an Eastern meal. Pretty soon they will want my bra size and mother's great grandmother's maiden name and the date to which the dearly aforementioned deceased lost her virginity as proof I am who I am! This is sheer madness and time and paper/net wasted when my taxes and resources should be spent on organ transplants for the needy. For those that don't know they removed 100 people off a donor list in a state out west to cut costs, one just seconds after prepping for surgery, because they were too poor to pay for them and the government felt it was cheaper to let them die, their crime was poverty and the prisons here and everywhere else are full of death row inmates I pay to feed and dress and provide medicine for. A few of my friends want to sneak back into Cuba because they think it is sickening the way my country will bend back asswards over for illegals here and treat prisoners in jails who are denizens to society better than walking/talking tax paying citizens. Social medicine is a dirty word like "taxes for the rich," but our own government officials and military personnel have been on socialized medicine since the beginning of time!

It isn't fair! It never will be and this is tantamount to harassment of the worse kind. So...if anyone knows a guy who knows a guy that I may have slept with on a drunken binge some years back who can verify I'm a flag waving son of a bitch with blue blood in my veins, lemme know! May the gods forbid they ever find out my medical status as an evolved species or I will be sprayed, poked, prodded and whisked off to some secret military encampment whilst they use my magical powers of turning 10$ of groceries into a meal for 4 and my sharp tongue into a death ray to kill all infidels!~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves...and may the government kiss my ass at daylight when I lie down on my stomach, ass up, to sleep the sleep of a demonic possessed wamphyri/terrorist!

A Tired Ho's Idea of Christmas!

here's to hoping this holiday season finds me drunk under a tree with reindeer tracks across my ass and tits and eggnog in my nethers! Holidays are a pushy/sucky time for me as I try so hard to have a cheery disposition only to come out harrowed and harassed by my own psyche and the whining needs of others.

It isn't that I don't try or want to be that sprite lil fat elf sprouting cookies out my ass and candy from my thighs, but everyone seems to act like we're obligated to just buy into what the greeting card companies have to offer as their own perverse Norman Rockwell suggestions du jour! Here are some easy to cope with holiday suggestions to the death-challenged that find themselves in the midst of expectations forced upon them by media gurus and family's wishful thinking:

 1. On the night before the night before Christmas declare insolvency and announce your Jewishness
 2. When someone tells you Happy Holidays, burst into Oscar-worthy tears and tell them you are terrified of anything red as your previous residences all went up in flames by a satanic cult ritual in retaliation for the Holy wars of early A.D.
 3. If someone asks you what you will be serving for your celebration, smile wryly and say walking papers to your ex along with a flaming suitcase
 4. If anyone whatsoever sends you that fucking nasty fruitcake you have my and your god's permission to personally shit in a Walmart grocery bag and set it on fire on their doorstep(NOTE:must be accomplished completely in front of the offender from squat to the lighting of the match and high-tailin' it outta there!)
 5. Any child found screaming or yelling and carrying on should be snatched up quickly and duct-taped and stuffed into a car seat or trunk if over 10yrs of age and brought to Utah for adoption immediately and the parents/guardians sterilized with a dirty knife
 6. Absolutely anything of a certain viscous-ness as to be considered a liquid and "drinkable" as in gravy, nog, coffee, tea, cocoa, soda...etc, must be 50% alcohol(preferably 180 proof)at all times so as to keep things in a fitting mood
 7. No inlaws, outlaws, lawyers, lawnmowers, yawners, pawns, etc...you see where this is going right?
 8. Any Christmas card sent but not returned in kind is considered always to be an invitation to send them something sweet...go the extra mile and personally hand deliver it...my recommendations would be 8oz of simple table sugar into the gas tank of their Lexus or BMW, etc...
 9. Pumpkin Pie is a Veggie!(counts as dairy also if you throw in the french vanilla ice cream too)
10. Never ever approach the fat chick with the chef knives and tell her you don't know what to do! She will find ways to make you look like a foodie gift before the fat man can get his ass stuck in her heating ducts and no one, trust me on this, will be the wiser
11. Calories only count if you're eating other people's food...provides the much needed excuse to get out of that pukey fucking green bean casserole that tastes like vomit
12. Hide everyone's gifts like it's Easter and give them a time limit on finding them...this is great during economical crisis as when they can't you can take them back and exchange them for the Jimmy Choo's you so desperately wanted and know damn well no one will spring for
13. and, lastly, Don't cook a damn thing at all until the guests arrive and make them do it while you watch Miracle on 34th St for the 39th time...only this time you will have this feeling like "It's a Wonderful Life" instead because you got to finally watch a whole flick uninterrupted!

...if these steps and suggestions are followed to a "T" you will find yourself in the middle of the greatest holiday known to mankind or maybe underneath the truck in the garage with a hard-on/nip-on from egg nog abuse dreaming happily through the disaster you avoided....Good Luck...I'm in Florida and Santa's in the hot tub fondling the elves like he does every year....only I get to raid his sleigh and and pilfer his sack while he's distracted by my minions! (hee hee)~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves