the whole year. It has gone by so slow and yet, I have this sense of loss. Lobo and I have lost, so much. And now I must be stronger and larger than life and smarter and succeed as I find our independence in the upcoming year(s) ahead...
I wonder if I will make it alone. I have but a few short years to make it with her before she will fly away to parts known and unknown to be her own woman. She is wiser and has already tasted the hate and disdain that I have taught her so much about. Yes, some poisoning by me and mostly by her peers and family and social interactions with the likes of my most favorite of observations. She has even tasted adulthood in the love of another and a kiss but alas, he has fled finding her most distasteful to his future endeavors and not because she is not sweet enough, but because he knows he cannot fully embrace that which she is.
I will be moving in the next few weeks. I will be looking for a home and packing my life up again and I hesitate to do so. I am not sure of what I want anymore or what constitutes moving forward or where I want to be. I know I need to go and I need my independence but I feel a little apprehension and fearful of failure. I am losing my resolve but still trying to act as though I have a clue. I hope my future finds you all, and many more, still reading this and loving me in your own loyally disloyal ways and calling me friend. I even hope a few call me a few other choice words because that would signal that I have reached a most prized audience. the naysayers. Nothing would be better publicity than to have the ones who loathe you most follow you like a lamb to keep tabs on you. I have been stalked in life and love so why not in work. But for now...
...I will spend this evening thinking of nothing. Just enjoying the television and the radio and the cats and my child at dawn and my pillow by dawn's daylight...for now, have fun my loves and keep reaching up and out and never crawl back in and down.~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.
1 comment:
Hi, sweetness, be strong, have courage, you will over come all obstacles in your way. Moving is always a bit frightening, but also exciting. A new life is opening up for you, not only immediately by moving, but in time with Lobo going out into the world and leaving a gap in your world. You will find friends and love to fill that gap.
I will always be here for you as a FB friend and who knows, in time maybe as a in real world friend. You have touched my heart and moved me in ways few have ever come close to. I feel a kindred spirit with you and will always wish for you to be part of my life. Luv you dearly, sweetie.
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