a half day past and I sit here wondering what I am supposed to do with the rest of my days. It was an unhappy celebration and full of sadness from the past and hopelessness for the future in spite of the well wishes of friends afar...
I am grateful for the kind words. Really. The attempts of my loved ones (daughter, boyfriend, best friend) lifted my heart but even their loving might has its limits. I still have "work" to do and things that need to be righted. I still have a choice to make and climbing into a glass of the finest French brandy will not make "life" disappear.
Today I am sitting in a room full of cats and watching a movie about a young lass who is set on defying her mother and the path that is laid out before her. My life has been one of defiance. I defied the words and the actions and the wishes of every turn until I was so used to being rebellious that I defied my own wants. Now I have no clue what road I am on and what to do with this shell of flesh and what I have left to contribute. My lips and throat still yearn for that glass of brandy but my mind knows better. I will yield but not before dusk.
For now I will wait and think and tire my head out until the answers seep through the fog and enlighten me. For now I will just be mobe, nothing more; nothing less....~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves
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