words from a friend mean more than most know, if even they are silent nods and a kind smile of understanding.
It is love that is unwound. It is life that is immeasurable and longing, that in time is brought to fruition and closure. Words from a sympathetic ear of understanding can be a light in the darkness for even those that have no tolerance for light and it's bright and blinding fire. It warms the coldest of hearts and causes the mind to push a little harder and strive a little more to reach that prize. And those prizes? They are unique to the individual...
...many friends in my life have come and gone. Some have proven their worth in salt and other just sifted through my fingers like quicksand and leaving that grit in your ass that makes you want to scream. The best are still there but even the worst have had their uses and taught me valuable lessons in life. I learned tolerance and temperance and to love and to loathe.
Now, I am here. I have my own immeasurable worth and wealth of knowledge to bring and find new frustrations in words of wisdom and aide I can provide another. I love with all I am and while having love for many things, loving is different and spared for few and far between. I love my kid and her lost siblings. I love my siblings, though not all of them and I love some of my lovers, still. I love my two best friends...one took from my past and one gifted in my present and both will be with me in my future. I loved man and woman alike as partners and lovers and friends, and I was infatuated with both at a time or one for the other as it suited. But those words were always sincere coming from me and held great weight and significance. I lament for the "lost" loves that left and abandoned their posts for whatever reason and lament my own sanity and lack of knowledge to be able to see the road that was strewn ahead before my car derailed. Alas, we all suffer at the hands of a blind curve or two...in my case almost 200 (at least I was consistent! lols)...
I have learned some new tricks. I have learned that just because you know something it doesn't mean you HAVE to share it. Sometimes it is best to leave the ignorant to themselves, and by ignorant, I mean that as a fact and not as a negative slur, so deal! People don't want the truth. This isn't to say or permiss to lie to them but there isn't a need to further the information. If they didn't ask for it, they didn't want it. If you have it to give, then let them know and let them ask...don't hand it over. Adults don't deal well with finding out they lack something. So, I leave them to the delusions of the mind and the misinformation and when the time arrives, I dangle what I can and offer it for free.
Free? Yup. Funny...never trust a person who will charge you for what they themselves came unto freely. I don't "pay" for information and therefore, I don't charge. I study and work hard and earn it, if even by trade, making my words that much more valuable when you think about it. And I don't mince them, not intentionally anyways. So why is it so hard to accept the writing on the wall and the advice given freely?
Answer: Because no one likes to find out they lack something. There's an invisible attachment of inferiority that comes along with the fact that someone knows something more than you. And we ALL suffer that ail at one time or other in our lives (whether some of you fuckers want to admit it or not!). I do...but like all of my fears, I go psychotic on it and jump into them with great gusto and a knife between my teeth and gut the fuck out of the sharks of knowledge that I lack and the inferiority and insignificance it brings. I have questions of myself that I ask over and over, judging and measuring my own person by such a harsher ruler than any nun dared to swing at Our Lady of the Sacred Heart ever could. And I still dive in with Bowie knife in tow and slash that naggling and wringing in the back of my stomach until the want to hurl evades me.
I love meeting people smarter than I. People who are street smart or academically smart or genius smart. All of them gems and I feel like a fool at times when I can offer nothing but secular wit and dark humor. But inside...there are a few who know and understand how spiritual I am and how a host of aide comes to me in places and from places that even the most intelligent couldn't understand. And I question that too. As if I've the right to receive such gifts so freely. Maybe it is why I give them freely, too...and then more frustration because I am only as smart as my vocabulary is and sometimes I lack the language it takes to explain things clearly when the language they come in doesn't exist anymore and not one living person has been found to understand it and I couldn't speak it out of mouth for the life of me. Words...words...words...they escape me but are SO important to me.
You getting the meaning behind it is important too. I pick up bits and pieces of broken lost languages of mankind along the way and even some not lost ones. It helps to ease the shoulders in the room and to bring a comfortability to a certain situation. I even make up weird words and dirty words to make them laugh and watch the miracles happen when the arms become unfolded and the shoulders drop and the hackles slack off...
...here in my dark I listened tonight to others' words. I listened to my own words. I felt the pain and sting of them and can understand my point of view and understand theirs but not have the right words to let them know that I see what they aren't saying. That "others" see what they aren't saying. That I understand. But my voice is shallow and I cannot tell them this because the fear is something that grips them tight and won't let go so long as they hug it back...and I cry. There is an absence of accomplishment when one refuses to let go of the tree even AFTER the storm has passed. Trusting the tree is important when you need it, but to stay there and make a home in the tree, it's mad and fruitless. Come down from the branches and sit and sing with me and listen to the words and feel my pain and let me burden my ears and mind and heart with yours because our two wonderful brains and our two wonderful strings are already tangled and entwined and it can only make for a beautiful ball of light as they ignite one another.
[ "The knowledge of two (however unequal) is still greater than one because all things hold knowledge and value..."~mobe ]
I want to make more words and share them with you...and I want to hear your words and watch your creations take flight...let go of the tree and let me take your hand. We got this together now...~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.
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