Unwanted Things

we want things as individuals. Even as groups we want things. But in order to want something, one must "un" want something. We want to be loved but unwant indifference and we want to be held and unwant the empty cold shoulder across the room...unwanted...

All of us do it. We bark about all the things we have or don't have and feel we need. If you are breathing, then you have your needs. These are things we want, not need. I bitch about global peace and conservation and fairness...but in order to accept that I want these things I have to understand and also accept that unfairness and greed and corruption are unwanted. And I do. But not all of us share my sentiment...and it would be a fool's game to expect them to. I like that...a fool's game. A show of hands...who here has played a hand or two?

My disdain is complete in the fact I am able to forgive and accept the things that I am unable to change. I can't change everyone's mind but my arrogance KNOWS I can enrich it, if even you pose as unwilling for only true ignorance is bliss and not chosen forgetfulness and ignorance. While you were in the dark with me I brought you "light" in the form of knowledge. It doesn't matter if you bought it or not or believe in it or not, it doesn't matter if it was unwanted...you gained it regardless and can no longer sit on your laurels and feign ignorance. It is a lie...well, you "can" feign...but you are LIVING the lies you tell and that is fueling your ambition and elevating your humanness how? Nirvana and oneness isn't built upon a bed of lies and it's no wonder some lose tempers and sleep when given knowledge because of the wars held within them to accept it. I know why I am unloved.

I don't recall what point I accepted that truth. This is not in disrespect to the fans or the handful of people who truly do love me...though even some of them don't fully accept my form of writ and wit. All I am aware of is that I was quite young. Most of my greatest epiphanies came upon me at a tender age when my body was very innocent while my mind whirled uncontrollably into the pits of awareness, my own personal hell and prison to which I would never escape, not intended to escape. I am the Santa Claus of this dark, dank, desolate world. I put on the coat and the hat and I can't undo it until someone else takes and puts them on. And I don't see that happening soon but I do suspect you and I all know who will if she's brave enough. And I am not sure if that's the life I want(ed) for her. So here I am accepting the balance and order of things. A cruel mastress and gentle ministress (yes I spelled them correctly for they are my own words and convey exactly as they sound) to the audience that pulls up some grass and listens. What is she saying? What does it mean? And does she really believe the things she lets fall from her lips? You betcha. I believe every single thing. I have humility too. Not because I feel inferior, rarely feel that nowadays but because I feel centered and comfortable and aware they may be others ahead of me on the same journey so why shouldn't they also be ahead of me spiritually and intellectually. I expect it. I embrace it and look forward to learning from them if I get the chance to stumble across them. And I have.

The things that are unwanted in my life are also accepted as inevitability...neglect, loss, regret, hurt, sadness, pain and vengeance...they are all there along with malice and contempt and I embrace them as I always have while dreaming of a world where they no longer exist and where mankind has risen above their stations to be something the gods can be proud of...for now, I wallow and smile in a bloody grimace through the disdain and spread my own balancing dose of horseshit and sunshine. Enjoy...*mirthy laughter echoing and fading...~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.