Mobe's Blog and Future

I been spending an awful amount of time contemplating why and how things could have gotten so rough. In my physical self I have no faith or trust. No hope. Mentally I still feel like a child with way too much knowledge but physically, I feel old, frail, vulnerable. Is this what we have to look forward to? Is this why old people suck at life and are angry and hostile and judgmental of the young? Is this what each and everyone has to look forward to?

I don't like it. I miss the days my body could do so many wonderful things and unrealistically think that I could somehow restore myself to some of that youthful mobility. I am only fooling myself and now, I have come to terms with it and have been contemplating what is there for me to do to be productive and not waste away in self pity. I know! I will write, it's what I do...but who will read it? I ask that quite often.

And each and every day I meet a new person who reads it and who gets me. The funny thing is not only have I found a fan following and basis and foundation to keep me going, but it would seem I have made a name for myself as well as notoriety. I am the evil twinkie in the cushion of your couch. I am the chocolat wrapper under your bed and that new pair of shoes you are hiding from your husband or wife because you know, if you get caught with me, that all hell is going to break loose! So what is a broken down sexy, loud mouthed goddess with a fat ass and even fatter ego going to do? I mean, how am I going to become a household name (if even a bad one *giggles) if people who adore me are afraid to let their friends see them "in bed" with me?

Mainstream was never my goal but it would be so nice to have that umbrella that comes with being in that particular group. It would be so nice to have a steady income again that I could say I earned and hold my head high and not give a damn about assholes and community who thinks I OWE them because I just recently was put on public disability (to which I did pay my fair share into but they don't see it that way) and now whine and dance like a little girl with a bladder issue because large (meaning lazy and over-eating and useless to them) lady with a very rare genetic disease is infringing on the government and costing them more. But mainstream would be a way out. By selling out. By censoring what I say and who the fuck I piss off. It would mean mobe would no longer exist. Mobiuschic would have to put her infinite disdain aside forever and put on her apron and join the Stepford Journalists and Comics...

There are those that would love nothing more from me. Trust me. But I would not be me any longer if I yielded to this way of thinking. Now I have to find a way to get the word out that I am moody and funny and worth a second glance and not at all something for my fans and friends to be ashamed of. I am NOT going to settle for being the moped in life, nor do I wish to be the Yugo! 

If only I could afford advertising and such or have the mad-ass web skills to design a powerful page that gets noticed but alas, I cannot. So I rely on word of mouth and my one social network to do it for me. For now, I am in transition between a rock, a hard place and an old woman's crotch and neither is ringing my bells! I am in the process of moving and hopefully soon will get settled in and begin tormenting you all with my dark moods and matter of fact hysteria. So hang in there to all who are secretly enjoying this and shout out to all those who are proud that I am floating ideas and revolutions in their heads...I will be on more routinely soon...mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.