Random Unhappiness

in order to provide a proper service and to remain true to the power of infinity it has been brought to my attention that I must loathe and dislike in entirety. No one person or thing is safe from my disdain and the helpful service people of yesterday and today are no different. Neither are children, family, elderly and retarded. Each group of individuals has its own place within the realms of my disdain and today I am full of the morose and contemptible want to eradicate myself from certain issues I seem to be unable to avoid.

It is inescapable in my life. I can't avoid what comes and only seem to be a reactionary participant. I live merely by eking by, just as most of you do and have days when it doesn't pay to open your eyes and allow the sunlight to burn off the first layer of corneal tissue to start the day anew. (yes, it actually does that...pay attention!) I lie awake and feel my heart beating and pumping deformed cells throughout the rest of the deformity. I feel the burning sensation of the sun's evil light and rays long before they make their grand entrance. There is a life out there for me. So why do I keep burying myself in some pet project in my dire need to immortalize myself in a false sense of martyrdom that no one else gets?

Fornication gives no comfort anymore. Food, no matter how masterful and artful the delicacy, holds no flavour. Sleep brings only torment in the fact that Dr. Freud was right all along and that all dreams are a manifestation of wish fulfillment or a re-hashing of the past, neither being a remotely positive film to watch. I have come to accept the macabre about me with a sense of mockery. Yes, folks, I laugh at myself probably even harder than you laugh at me for no one knows the vile of heart within my breast better than I do. I see things before they happen in my dreams. Many people do but they forget upon the awakening and even when I have had no sleep, I am able to see things. *I don't want to see the end before the beginning anymore. It is unfair to the rest of the world to remain so ignorant, and it is so cruel to put that level of trust in one soul to diminish it's viability in the world you thrust it to (*shouting at the gods now) so that they may have something to laugh about up there.

I'm stuck in a vortex where I am the stand-up act and they just love to shoot bullets and watch me dance. Only I ain't dancing and I ain't sitting and this is not funny to me. I want more. I deserve more. Many people get so much by giving so little and I give all and get squat! It's time to even the odds...revolution's a comin'...just when, is the issue~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.