Rules To Live With, Relatively

here's some food for thought. I can not attest to what works properly in a relationship because I seem to have been the only one in many of the relationships. Either they have checked out or I have checked out (always having TOLD them when it was over beforehand). I can only attest to what doesn't work. This is Pain's Wisdom so listen up...

People cannot be judged by the past folks. There are extenuating circumstances that lead them to the things and crossroads they come to. The decision to do what they did is ultimately theirs, and you cannot truly decide if it was wrong or right unless it was you.

Love one another.

Laugh together and grow together.

When you feel slighted, talk about it. If your partner won't speak to you encourage them to seek help from a professional or a friend. If they aren't talking at all, then they have defined the parameters and you are now at that proverbial crossroad where you have to decide if you wish to live within their definition or not. These are simple rules here yet no one seems to get it. Why, you ask? Because we get what we think is the perfect person for us but fail to conceptualize that we may not be the perfect choice for them! I refuse to allow others to judge me by my many "#'s" of partners. I had my reasons for ditching the ones I ditched as the others had their reasons for ditching me. When I am with a person there is a certain amount of what I call "hurt-speak," where we bash our exes in a form of building and orating what we will and will not tolerate so as to get the other on the same page we want them on. We all do it. It comes from that place where we have become seasoned by our pain. We want to let others know what mistakes were made by another and even what ones we will allow them to know we own. A certain amount of this hurt-speak is acceptable but at some point you have to trust. Without trust there is NO relationship.

You've heard the adage that a smooth sea never made for an experienced sailor. It is true and the truth her lies in the fact that not only should you be capable of learning from your own mistakes but intelligent enough to find reason in the mistakes of others. No two people, not even twins, are alike. Not even species-wise as in my case, and I have made a name for myself out of my unhappiness with viewing the world with eyes that scream "should've, would've, could've" instead of ones that trusted. Trust still doesn't come easy for me as most of you have guessed by now and until it does I have abstained from any relationship until I know I can trust again and not be too intolerant.

If you love someone you accept the things that matter little that you wouldn't have otherwise. You have to accept them in a week, a year and a decade too. You cannot pick apart that person slowly because you are uncomfortable within your own shoes. It kills them. This person isn't as clean about the home; that person isn't as tidy; the other doesn't cook; even another is bad with money. We all have our hang-ups. Mine is the ability to lie. Little lies, big lies, they all hurt and create a sense of mistrust because you can never count on what the person says. I will always be wary of a liar and have unfriended people in real life and online because I just couldn't sit and listen one more day to the tall tales. It doesn't surprise a few of you that know me quite well by now that some of the shit that comes from my mouth sounds so fantastic that it is hard for others to swallow. That isn't a flaw of mine but an unwillingness of some people to take me at my word. It doesn't change the fact that I am what I am and do what I do.

A person refusing to believe that I am inhuman doesn't mean that I am human because they believe it so. It means they are incapable of processing that information right now and have to believe the lie they created to be comfortable in their world. I have issues with this but they are my own and I CHOOSE to minimize my social activities with these individuals.

Do not let other define you for you. We all came with the same mental equipment for the most part. For those of you who have a religion, they all tout the same rhetoric. Do unto others, honor this code or that...tell no tales unless they are your own (this is in reference to gossip), tell no untruths, live within your means, "want" not that which belongs to another. These are simple here and we all know them. From Bundy to Manson to Dahmer to the Hapsburgs to even the House of Dracule. WE ALL LIVE BY THE SAME CREDO.

When a peoples is so afraid to be honest with one another it begets so much anger, hurt and hostility. We don't just let it eat at us but we let it decide our lives for us. It is invisible pain that drives most bodies' will and into the dangerous rocks on the seas of life. I am honest, to a fault it appears. And yet the others' dishonesty masks their eyes to be able to see it for what it is. Truth. I can count how many times I have told people that I am a large woman and that I have had many partners of both sexes. It behooves those who have seen my physique to believe it true about my physical self and deny the latter as true. Then they meet some or many of the long term ones. I love the mental turmoil it spins them into when faced with trying to figure out why this fat-assed, red-headed, loud-mouthed, sassy, bitchy, comedienne can "pull" such fine "ass" as I have been capable of.

Be true to yourself above all others. If you have beliefs, then live up to them. Do not expect others to travel a road you yourself wouldn't. Do not make others walk behind you (unless traffic dictates it), do not walk behind another and feel it is your place forever. Trust one another. Be open with one another. Share your knowledge for IT is the only real power any of us has. Share your things. If you run out someone somewhere will provide what you need.

There really isn't much more I can say on this matter, just read it and reread it if you need the reassurance and be peaceful and content with your decisions. Make no decision that feels not right to you. It is never too late to change one's mind, heart, direction, ideals if they do not fit....~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.