bureaucracy has gotten a hold of me once again and delved its dirty little claws into the sanctum of my finances. No matter how hard I fight it seems what's coming in is shrinking faster than what is going out. Eventually, I see the bigger picture where I dwindle into some realm of non existence and just fade away while fat cats sit on their Armani wearing asses and watch and laugh hysterically at the plight of the single disabled mother.
Tired doesn't begin to explain the feeling I have and neither does overwhelmed. I want to provide a better way of life for my kid, but now it seems even the long term disability folks want to save an almighty dollar to put towards their Mercedes. It sickens me to think that somewhere there is a vertically challenged little old lady who is determining my worth based upon figures from the 1940's. I have been "given", which is ironic because gifts are usually supposed to be happy surprises and not a punishment or deadline, less than seven days to make two full-grown adults who look after my mental well being fill out paperwork because somehow the "keepers of" the insurance think I am a more effective tool to do this than their own "non mentally fucked up" employees. Hilarious doesn't being to touch the stupidity of that validation. I think I should be happy for the compliment they bestow upon me but I feel compelled to inform the employees of this company of how little their superiors feel about them and the ability they have shown to perform the job they were hired to do. I would want to know and I would demand extensive hours of workshops costing the company millions of dollars in re-training, and thus they can hassle me, the little gal even more and put the squeeze on us!
I wonder whose idea it was for all this social organization anyway? What the fuck was wrong with trading and live and let live? I mean seriously, you got something I want and I grew these lovely potatoes and I will give you these for those and we go about or merry way. It was an idyllic life back then and it even naturally culled the herd so to speak, when someone didn't pull their own fair share they died off as it should be! There are too many people doing too little and contributing next to nothing. The few that dare to contribute like Bill and Linda Gates and Oprah Winfrey and Warren Buffet, are called crazy and mad and out of their minds. They know they'll never spend it all in a gajillion years so they give it back to charitable organizations and causes. If I was wealthy like that there would be many people benefiting from it and I wouldn't need a mansion to do the administration aspect from. I wouldn't really want them to know exactly how much I had and I would set up a home that sustains itself so that I would need even less funds than now to live on. Pencil pushers by the dozens hired to do the necessary filing and advocating and sorting and such of requests that would pour in. In a sense I would create jobs to help those who can't find one and I would be extremely cautious about who I allowed assets to go to and scrutinize what they will be used for to the best of my ability. I certainly wouldn't pay off the debts of some slacker who refuses to take a "lower paying" job than he or she is accustomed to. That's just plain silly as many have had to take steps down and many more would kill for the positions those idiots turned down! My father taught me long ago that ANY job is better than NONE! He was right and some just don't get the message. I remember days when people worked two and three jobs to make money for their kids to go to school and now we have people just not wanting to work any. I WANT a job but I am not allowed to work so I spend my evenings, which are my days as I live in a darker world from you for medical reasons, thinking of how all these things irritate the shit out of me and others who are like me.
There are no government funds available to retrain me to be a canary in a coal mine as that seems to be the only job they would release me to do. I think a dark room photography developer would be a good fit too providing there were handicap accessibilities made for me to be on wheels. There aren't many jobs that will keep me from withering in the light of day or the lights indoors. I could be a theatre usher, but we don't have theatres like that anymore. I could even stand outside a door to a nudie show at sundown trying to get the sick bastards to come in but I don't think I could live with myself. I would rather be the stripper anyways-they make more! So I am left with what I am right now. Broke ass shit, a mom with semi-good writing skills and a mouth that would make a sailor blush. I could run a kitchen but I am past the "health" to be able to take the long hours of the actual hands-on work of cooking. My mind is still young and in top form but my body is old and getting older fast! Well folks, you've seen my resume time and again and my availability and my "special needs" as a person with disabilities, so any takers on a worn out, scorned, self-professed evil bitch who has a good brain and a knack for giving orders?~mobe's
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