hospitality is the act of offering assistance and time or location to a person or persons at a small sacrifice to your own person. It means you have put yourself out somewhat in order to aide those less capable of means and ability than you. It does not mean it is a reason to watch and degrade and horrify them into submission of sorts.
People have forgotten what it means to help a fellow man or woman. In my own family they have forgotten. I witness people and friends who are capable of doing so much, do so little and judge me who has done quite a bit when I was able. I have sacrificed for others but not receiving such for myself. We are homeless and forced to "double-up" with family. I have been living in a prison where I am watched and ordered and shouted at like I am an ignorant child. I have owned my own home and lost it because of divorce. I have been working full time since I was eleven years old and paying taxes since I was sixteen. I have watched family members and friends who say they love me but would love nothing more than to knock me down a peg, when I have already fallen a fathom! This has happened before with my baby sister. I have forgiven her but remember the sting of how angry she was and how needy she was to get back at me for doing better than her at one time. No one likes to see someone they know succeed. They don't like to see strangers succeed either.
I know it isn't courteous to expect things for the things you do. But by human nature's standards we all do it, even the few of us not entirely human. But I make a point of trying to do it less and to be a generous heart. I am a generous heart. I do see how others can be jealous and how they can retaliate and though I am hurting right now, all I want is to walk away without losing everything and my kid. Right now I am in a situation where the person who is aiding me wants to make it known to my child they are only doing so because they feel they "owe" me and this aide is coming at a great cost to my health and well-being with the violence and threats and shouting occurring in the home. We are not safe here. The children who live here are not completely safe here, though much safer than myself and my child. Things have been thrown around and smashed on purpose and these things not belonging to them. Yes, there has been accidents with the numbers of animals we have combined, but never once have I deliberately destroyed their property, nor have I accidentally on my own done so in carelessness(but smiling because I knew the outcome and it brought me satisfaction to see them suffer)the way it has been for us. Not one but two expensive airline approved collapsible pet carriers totaling one hundred and fifty dollars, two fishing poles(one replaceable if we had the money to replace it), my bed, some bookcases, plenty of personal effects of my daughter's, dishes thrown in the trash or smashed that belong to me, countless trips in my car on my car's tires and gasoline when their's did not work, my sleep and time, the volunteering of myself or my child for duty because they choose to flaunt the little money they have over what we have and feel we should work for them as slaves because we live here, the forced indentured tenure of my daughter because I myself cannot do the work to which they wish done, one broken arm and one broken finger trying to help them and received an ungrateful "You broke my tv"(they have three already and were given this dinosaur that weighed over four hundred pounds), my nerves and a resurfacing ulcer, my kid's fears...it adds up. The things they have took possession of that belong to me and my child and the constant reminder that we are not welcome, but if they need something we have they take it and that is welcome.
I am fed up. If they should read this and recognize who they are they need to know there is a special place in hell and my heart for the damage they have done. I should have given Lobo to her dad and just lived in my car! Nowhere to go and No one to help me I am stuck in this prison of ungrateful and spitefulness. This is my plea to the fates that be: Grant me peace and serenity to pull through this ordeal. Grant Laurel Ann the wisdom to push this back and not let it affect her in her future as my past has wrecked my own. Give her a good life and me a decent ending to mine. Allow that justice be served in your time and not let my person become filled with rage and spite for the wrongs done to us. Let me sleep one day at a time and peacefully so when I awaken so I am refreshed and clear of mind enough to do something for us that will propel us forward. Let me lie with a sound heart and not succumb to the ills that would cause strife for us all. And finally, I pray all the time that the fates remember I hold them dear in my heart and that my appreciation still goes forward even though I am set back.~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.
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