A Realm

moving forward through time and space to a realm I have never been to before. In order to clear my mind of all thoughts and deeds. I want and hope and need but I have to put them aside in order to propel myself forward. It is a never-ending cycle and one to which I cannot escape. I am stuck here, spinning out of control looking aimlessly for some kinship, some belonging, something my own.

It isn't easy. No one even gave me the impression it would be despite the media bombardment we have up close and personal. I am searching for a nirvana that may not exist but I walk no more slowly knowing it may all be for naught. Where and when and who and what are questions that constantly drag at my legs like a ball and chain made of iron will. I am forced to dance at their query and answer their beck and call only to feel empty when I am through of reason and rite.

It is a dark realm and day that celebrates the folly of men and women alike. It is a dark night indeed. Awash in the sweat of the working class and the class of those who wouldn't sweat that makes this such an arduous task for me to uphold. I am weary. I am spent. I am telling all this to no one in particular and yet, I feel the ears pricked up by my incessant wails of malcontent. I am a child. There is no wall for me to lean on and no comforting hand to pat my back letting me know all is well.

I don't really mind, or so I keep telling myself to make the sting subside all the quicker. I am just as easily capable of lying to myself so see no need in dabbling in the lies of others. I have never seen use in lies of all sorts and will bend the truths as far as the backbone of the matter will lend. Beyond that I will omit and edit in favor of a full outcome. I am a god in my universe and maybe that is why I aimlessly search for others and feel a sense of aloneness. I feel a sense of absolute absence of others. I feel a sense of loss.

I am lost. I am god-like and I am not alone, but I cannot see for all my sight and cannot hear for all my ears and cannot taste for all my tongue and cannot speak for all my throat and cannot rest for all the cots. I am my own worst enemy so please do not trouble yourself into believing your squabbling squawk will pierce my bubble long enough to give a damn to what you wont-on.

I like the unexpected moments in this world. I enjoy the complete lack of direction and point to everything and enjoy the difficult task of trying to righten things up. It is one achievement well wasted in my book. The dedication to an art of unexplainable reason. My own perverse little attempt to martyrize my existence on the wall of life. Absolute absurdity and blasphemous intention, dontcha think?~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.