there are things you find in this world that really knock you flat on your ass. Some may even knock the air out of your chest and slam you to the wall. Relationships are like that. It's not to say that we don't want to get roughed up a little bit here and there but I would wish for it to take a break once in a while to catch my breathe before the next wave...
It never takes a break for you when you want it to. It never takes a break when you need it to. It doesn't have to and doesn't need to and what you want or need is of no consequence to what is out there or whether it wants to comply. My moral compass tells me right from wrong and I often wonder if anyone else's does the same, but I am being re-taught to understand theirs doesn't have to. It has been said all I have to do is change MY perception and go with the flow and do what everyone else is doing. It has been said that I don't have anything to prove to anyone and that I don't have to be good all the time or think about others and that I should treat them the way they treat me. The same said people would tell you that it is un-Christian to act on what people do and to act the way you would like to be done. Actually that is a common denominator among all religious factions or most anyway. And if I choose to follow that credo and do unto others like I would have done to me versus do unto them as they do to me; than am I going with the flow of religious zealotry?
In a sense I would have to agree with them. I need to learn to stop worshiping my peers and to start believing in myself and thinking ahead and doing what is best for me. I should try not to make as many waves as possible and it will be hard to overlook the ones I do like the rest of the world. It's just that this isn't me, it isn't the way I am. I don't get why I have to bend to an intolerant world and tolerate their idle lazen attitudes and craptastic ideals! I don't get why for forty years I have proven my worth and proven my capabilities and my value and yet, they tell me I should be more of an asshole like they are. Listen...my forefathers may have been bloody heathens in pain ready to take it out on the world who fucking hated them and labeled them and may have been good at it, but that doesn't mean we have to be. I WANT to bem seriously, but my moral compass is broke and I have a fondness for the continuity of your kind. And this interest has nothing to do with food, as most would have accused my kin of some hundred years ago.
Grasping as the last few strands left of what is my lifeline, I find I don't agree with them. I can be a morally sound person and if I must suffer to do so then so be it. No one wants to suffer but I am sick of every time that I breath, fart, scream, sleep, eat and every other function, someone tells me I am wrong and the whole other world is right. When this has NOT been the case for the "other world" and I have been right there to kick them in the seat of the pants when they were wrong on more than one occasion. Mobe: 1 gajillion/ world: 1. The world can do what it wants, even blow up for all I care but I will not sit quietly and do nothing when my bones and boiling blood know that the only person who has been right has been me when it comes to my life and my child's. Relationships are just that, how we relate to others and being very different than most, it should never surprise me that the consensus wouldn't agree, ever. My father asked me once if it is more important to be right than to be happy. My answer is a resounding "yes" and will always be. My kid would have a far different life today had I not been diligent in believing in myself above the masses that would keep me down. I don't know if that doctor truly thinks he is right all the time and has a worse ego than my own id or if maybe I am wrong this one time, but I will go with my odds as I am the underdog and always seem to come out in the correct side of the track.
It's a shame I see so few people have conviction like that. So few people unwilling to give up the creature comforts to set a decent example and roll up their sleeves and get a job done. So few people who behave...well...like people. It takes someone on the inhuman side of things to do the human things...As far as relationships go, they be as damned as my kind has been for centuries and I assure you I am not to blame for the downfall of the social family unit. Maybe I am the one dinosaur who is clinging to a simpler way of life and trying to bring a continuity to the fine examples of how to behave to one another, something that was lost.~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.
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