Individuals: Part 21

and the waiting game ensues. It wouldn't be too much of a grasp if it wasn't for the situation that we have found ourselves in. It simply is awful and there is not much of anything that can be done about it at all. We have been homeless now for going on eight months and it seems that we are going to stay this way indefinitely. Which isn't what worries me so much as where we are crashing. We aren't welcome here and it has been brought to our attention on more than one occasion that we are wanted out. It is so rude when a grown adult is too chicken shit to come to the adult in the family but instead wants to make the child feel like a piece of shit in the hopes that will force the mother/parent to fight, thus giving them the perfect(so they think)reason to "out" them in their perverse validation.

Things have been moving around the home we live. My daughter was instructed to start packing, though I had not been informed of this. Hell, she was also informed that my monetary situation has become a burden to them though they do not pay my bills and I add a little something(granted not much)to the household. Where once was thousands of dollars of supplies now exists little. Where once was a thousand dollars of groceries has been nickel and dimed, and I am told it will be put back but they cannot seem to do that when they spend what they don't have before they don't get it. I am at my wit's end. My own father would rather take in complete strangers than his own daughter(who has never been arrested or done an ill deed towards him, and is currently NOT doing drugs or drinking any longer -not that it was a burden to anyone considering I have been sober for the most part for fifteen years+)and granddaughter. And there is no room at the inn in Bethlehem for us two wayward souls. I fear I will lose everything.

My brother thinks my predicament is funny. He is one to bitch and gripe about everyone else's shortcomings but his own. The electric bill went sky-high when the water heater was busted because of a leak under the slab which flooded my room and destroyed valuables(paintings I kept in the closet)of mine. I never asked him to replace them but today, I sit in a "hot house" because MY refrigerator was broken and stayed on freezing and costing me over two hundred dollars in destroyed "fresh foods" and jacked his electric bill. I was allowed to sleep three whole hours before he ordered my daughter to come into my room and turn off the air. My room has no floor space and the only way to do this is to walk/crawl upon my bed...naturally I woke up. I tried to go back to sleep but found myself not being able to as the temperature rises only to find he shut my bedroom door and went into the living room to crank up his air after telling me I need to live in Alaska and I am wasting his money on the electric when he stands in the doorway to smoke with the door wide open so he can bother us and the neighbors at the same time! Then when he got called out on it he went into tirade number five thousand and went into his bedroom keeping me and Lobo in sweltering heat. He knows this affects my health and breathing and our disease as well, but who cares right? He's got ac in his room and a tv with cable that I pay for and uses the phone that I provide and the internet I pay for to do his work online as well as his recreation.

So I suspect that homeless is as homeless does and it may wind up being that Lobo and I will have to go to a domestic violence shelter again and lose our possessions. I told him I would leave my entertainment center for him unless he didn't want it, for him to tell me he don't need it because he has been given a better one. But he deferred to keeping it to use it as one for his children's room "once we get the fuck out." Leaves me and Lobo with our beds, my tv and several bookcases(we use as dressers and storage for all rooms of the house to save space)and our own personal effects.

I am in search of answers to my disability claim and they cannot come fast enough for him so he's "thrown us out" again, not that I pay heed. Of course should he raise a hand or such to my kid or me-it's game on and then he gets locked up and I leave and that will be that. I want out of here. I want to work. I want a normal life and a significant other who pays attention to me. I want things obviously I cannot have and already have lost so much...~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.