Getting the Grease

I have taken a few days to come to terms with what's been going on in the world today. I have watched too much television and listened to too much radio but always keeping a cynical mind as to what is real or perceived as such. There's too many fake personas out there and it makes one thankful for the truest form of self and the id.

I know not many of you will buy into my rhetoric completely and I accept that. I know less than half buy into it at all. But I do know there is a calling for what I have had to say and things I have yet to say, so it drives me to keep on a keeping on. I know that if one person listens and laughs or cries and identifies with these "not so unique" situations, then I have done my job and all was not lost. I am happy with how I see the universe to which I live. I may not be that ecstatic about the universe itself, but I think I am spot on from where I peek out at its expanse. Now I never intend the world to feel that it is always or completely how I see it, it's just that is the perception that comes to mind and I am quite adept at vocalizing my disdain, and eloquently at that!

So there's a group of people that feel I may be over-shooting my target or not telling the whole truth. I can respect that and from where they stand their view of this place may be as rosy as they think it is. However, if all the world shows me is it's ass and expects me to remark on how pretty it is, then it is sadly mistaken! An ass is an ass and I am full of disdain for I don't like the view. My grandmother used to say the "squeaky wheel gets the grease." She meant this old wive's tale as a means to get me to speak up. I was a mute child because my parental unit (mother) felt little kids should serve and shut up and not be heard unless it was when you were beating them so they could tell when they were done with their heinous crime as they slapped the ever-loving shit out of you, or took a board to your ass as my "mommy dearest" had done! I never complained. I rarely disobeyed, and as I had gotten older it became a non-existent thing by the time my father figured out his eleven year old just didn't fall down THAT often. I was too obedient and too quiet and full of such hatred and animosity towards ignorance and judgment. And now, I whine and bicker and shout and judge from my laptop in the dark of the night when my demons take possession of the little girl I used to be. I even screw up, and true to form-royally, as I do nothing half-assed! I preach and teach and point out the what should be far too obvious things that we all take for granted and try to hide behind. I point out the things that make me mad and wreck my libido and get my panties in a knot. And I point out my own flaws. Who DOES this?

Listen, the world has its moments. In the giggle of a two year old and the delight of a man's voice when he knows it's you calling. It is beautiful, not forever, but for that shiny little brief moment, and those are the moments I fight for and shout for. My disdain and mirth is not for the cruel prosperity of reaping a benefit so much as admitting the ills and knowing the difference, but more importantly, appreciating when there is none, however rare. I watched my niece today so tickled pink over being able to decorate her own cupcake. The bigger kids helped her momma bake them and once cooled, I frosted them and then let the kids sprinkle bits of this and that to personalize their own. A two-year old makes a mess every chance they get and needs a more hands on approach and she was just all full of kisses for her big auntie and love and smiles and giggles and frosting "puss" and crumbly grins. She normally doesn't even eat the cake, just licks the sweet stuff. Kids. They're smarter than you know. But today she let me convince her to take a bite out of it, out of life and she was an angel who found a new feather on her wing. All in the briefest of cherished moments. But then life had to scoop it up and slap it back to abnormal as usual and she forgot in her sugar high what she was doing and popped her head down with a loud bang on the tile floor! Poor creature. Such a wonderful evening and the fates wouldn't let her, let me have that. It was over as quickly as it began and wasn't life-altering, just typical.

So my view isn't as nice as some of yours. And the water is never as warm as you would like in the pool. Your neighbor's lawn is greener than mine and my car is older than your grandmother's. The view sucks on my side of the fence most days. And then there's days and moments that make all that disdain worth it.~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.