The Stalker: Part 1

being stalked is scary. I want you to know that I have been stalked for what seems an awful long time. I am tired of the cat and mouse game and wish it would end as it does neither them nor I any good. Everyday it's the same thing and there are those days where it is worse.

Nothing seems to impede their will on me. I sit quietly and then look up to find them staring. If it isn't him it's his agents, and no matter where I be they're there. It gives me the shivers knowing they have seen everything I have done. Most days I pay no heed and can resume a somewhat fairly normal existence. For me that is hard either way, but at least things will settle down and I can almost forget that I was even part of this little cat and mouse game. I don't know why I am being targeted and don't much care as I have had plenty of offenses to reap up more negative behaviors. I just know that I have done worse and deserve worse and that this stalking business has gotten under my skin because of the duration I have been forced to suffer.

Did you ever have that feeling that eyes are upon you and then spot the perpetrator only to witness his arrogance as he draws in closer and tries to intimidate you. He knows you can hurt him and you know he can hurt you and it should be enough to keep him at his safe peeping distance, but no, it draws him in because he knows he's been caught. If you leave him alone and act as though you don't see him, he'll even get pushy enough to the point where it almost seems he could crawl inside you and whisper vile disruptances and infiltrate your will. But if you make like you're going for him he will run fast and hop whatever hurdles he can to avoid engaging in the fight he knows will ensue. It's a game. The "I am watching you do EVERYTHING" game and it rankles and unsettles the soul. No one should have every waking moment under a microscope and being studied. Our behavior is such that we are compelled to ask questions. Like "what are you looking at?" and "what do you want?" or how about "whatcha studying?" All of them warranted but none will be answered because the staring appears to be their way of play or entertainment and you are their personal life-like television and everything you do from picking your nose before you blow it to farting quietly in a room that you thought was empty and devoid of life outside your own, they are there, watching, and sometimes not even just one, sometimes even a peer or two so they can converse at the scene as it unfolds.

I want to be left alone. I want to not have to pay bodyguards to protect me and subject myself to living with them and having my privacy even that much more invaded. No matter who I call or who I write to, nothing has been able to dissuade them from their nosy task. After all this time I haven't even figured out what their true intent is and have been caught up in their "looking" world to the point to where I study them watching me wondering the purpose. Sure enough, I am still quite afraid of them, and in some twisted fate they may be of me as well, but they intrigue me and give me something to do. Not that I don't have five thousand other things to do with my time than to babysit a nosy little prick hell bent on the personal terrorization of yours truly. Either way I am still here and not giving up...~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.