it takes one to know one and today I took one for what it was worth. It was better than a good day and the cosmos seemed to want to play nice for a change. Sure, I know it ain't going to last, but I can enjoy the here and now and live for the moment. And that moment was spectacular!
I don't often celebrate most things "good" or "positive" as they rarely live up to their hype. I have been in an anti-universe of sorts and I am riding this puppy till it drops. It WAS a positive day and I had a clear mind and a clean face and a smile even if my tired ass gives in every now and then. Then it happened. It got...better. He smiled. Not just a he but a sweet he who has enough crass to be believable and enough grace to hold a door open for a woman if even she is a large lady. He was dirty from head to toe *sigh* and wearing work clothes. I liked him and figured it was a good day as he afforded me with enough mental and visual candy to render me a puddle of love into the evening, and, I was content with that. But...it got better-er! He smiled and was playful with my kid and winked and talked to me (TO ME!!) and swore and gloated at being a proud papa and was all sorts of undressed in my mind while his mouth moved and that dimple in his chin was begging me to bite it! He is domesticated enough to fend for himself, articulate enough to actually have dreams (this one is new for me) and simple enough to enjoy the free things in life. He has a sense of humor I can see others not getting but I do. I liked him. From the get go and my kid knew it. She approved and never has before. We talked for twenty minutes and then I knew it was going to be over. I begged myself not to be cheap and forward and hand him my number. I did flirt but it was brushed off with a cool deference and he DID know I was flirting! I was proud of the fact that I didn't throw myself at him and sad because I knew I had to make my appointment real soon and may never see him again. He said he had to go (gulp) and then stopped. It got WAY better-er! He said he liked "this" and asked me if he could give me his number. *bump-bump....bump-bump....bump-bump* I thought I would die. My face flushed thinking about all the naughty thoughts that had transpired while watching and listening to him. I told him sure and started writing mine too and we exchanged smiles and digits and the universe stood on its head and shifted. I was dumbfounded. I even was stupid. I could only muster a barely audible "so you like big girls" and then mentally punch myself in the face! He said he had no preference for looks as they only get you so far and that he did prefer his women with some substance on and off the bones, implying a good head on her shoulders. He also noted in his opinion the thinner women came off as not so smart to him. It happens and though you reading this may not agree I didn't argue with his opinion for he was entitled to it and it wasn't completely flawed. What if they did appear dumber? He acted like I never made the insecure "faux pas" and he doesn't even know what a faux pas is!
Dazed and confused. I held a good conversation with him and my daughter for twenty minutes, and then comes out my insecurity and I couldn't speak! He smiled again and was off and out the door. I don't even remember him going really. And then resumed my appointment and then went to dinner all the while my child harping on me about this guy. She "dug" him and was giving me pointers and pushing me to call him. I told her I didn't want to follow my usual "M.O." and wanted to wait. She said that he offered his number first so I should make contact first seeing as he wanted me to call. I caved during dinner and pulled out the sticky note with the marker scribbling of his first name and number. I programmed it into my phone and then sent him a friendly, but funny text. Then I looked down. He had already called but I hadn't recognized the number and only until I put his name to his number then it appeared. "5:21pm Missed Call" and I deliberately let the call go. Now I felt even more stupid. He texted me to call and I politely told him I won't at dinner because it is rude to other patrons but that I didn't mind texting while eating and even joked I was talented and can handle it. It was safe but my stomach was turning. I felt like I was going to vomit. He kept me in stitches and was cute even in text and funnier on the phone. Soon I would have to face the music and call and my stomach turned again. I am not a "well" person physically. Even mentally, it is a trial for me and a big hill to climb. And he had a right to know. I was happy with the interest and now was vested and have to go through with something and hadn't done any of this in ages. Not sure I EVER did as I was more promiscuous than Heidi Fleiss. But now I don't want to be that way and fail that way again. But this man shook me inside and out and he has never laid a finger on me and that is a dangerous keg of powder to mobe! We talked most of the evening and hooked up via my favorite social network (what a riot that was as it was quite awhile for him, and his name has so many people who share and mine is too obscure and sometimes through the wonderful world of social networks, won't come up on the search) and even chatted. I won't ask myself what is wrong. I won't tell myself to look out. And I won't judge him and categorize him into a little box before I have had a chance to get to know him. This a great deal for me as I tend to run things through too fast and put the brakes on just as fast. I am taking this one slow.
Things happen for a reason. I have been celibate for over a year, depressed even longer. He made me smile and found me attractive and wants to see me again. And as if it couldn't get any more sweeter and decadent...I got carded again, for the first time in a year! I thought it was over and I had graduated to the old people's club and no longer needed to whip out my ID. But there I was trying to prove yes, I was eighteen and can purchase my cancer sticks of choice, hell I am almost forty! And he thought I was younger than he and the cashier thought I was younger than she and the world is upside down like a kid hanging with their legs from the monkey bars at school. The view from up there and upside down is beautiful. All because he smiled...and I smiled.~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.
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