Mending

it doesn't do the time put in justice. It hasn't even nicked the surface really. I want so much and accept so little and still it is hard to put to word. People need to know my story, and yours and yours and yours too. Mine is different, sure, but every person has a story to tell. This is mine for I don't quite think I am capable of writing yours. I guess I should have said this the very first entry. Didn't think to really, and today I am neither full of hope or disdain. I just am reflecting on the image I have in my mind of who I was and who I am now. Simply put, I am taking account.

I like who I am and who I used to be. Most people who know me would probably agree with this statement as they all think and feel I am a little too full of myself. We are told to accept ourselves and I have, and we are told to think highly of ourselves and I do. And now that I have and done it it doesn't surprise me in the least bit that the majority of my peers would think I should be duct taped in a closet to never tell this story or putrify the earth with my fundamental beliefs and ideals. For once they will have their wish. I want to make what's left of my time right side up for a change. The need to perfect again is upon me and it doesn't detract from all I feel I have accomplished and kind of rather adds to the trunks of knowledge I will take with me. I feel it is important for Laurel to understand it is ok to be afraid and it is ok to not fear. I only hope she takes some effort to be prepared and accept the outcome of what is to pass for every living thing, starting with my own mortality. Fixing things and relationships seems to be the main focus for me in my quest for preparedness. I am at peace with my religion and my immediate family, being child and pets, and with what I am known for as well. I am at peace with the fact that not everyone likes me and not even half of all I interact with at that!

It would seem in my case that you do get more peaceful with old age. For me it is a blessing old age is not as old as some of you and it is also shocking to see the expressions on the faces of the ones I love when I utter that very thought out loud. They, for the most part, are still suffering in the state of disbelief. Outside of a few good meals and some leisurely reading I am, it would seem, quite content in this realm. There is still much work to be done and what gets done gets done and what don't don't. I am not going to beat myself up over it or begrudge myself some "R & R" and I won't stand for all work and no play. I am fixing things that I can and that is what counts. It's when I stop and think I don't need to or don't want to that I start to worry. For now, I am maintaining and that's all right with me.~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.