A Child Grown

at exactly twelve minutes before midnight on this day, 26 January 1996, some odd fifteen years ago a child was brought into this world. "Child, child, flesh of mine. Gift from pain, nine months time. Though tears do fall on your embrace. Dare not harm befall your grace!" My disdain and sadness is simple today. In cultures around the world a child becomes a woman when she starts menstruation. In my culture a child becomes a woman when she is released to the world as "done" as if she were a baked cake. All done and can't fix and it is what it is. Some are good cakes and some are bad and some have pretty "coverings" and some have mess. I brought into this world for what all intensive purposes looks like cake but is in fact pillows of dewy wonderment, for it isn't cake and is unfamiliar to this world but it sweet to the taste, sharp when bit wrong, firm in its stead and always a beauty no matter what state you leave it in.

I have seen cultures that refuse to rejoice in celebrate in the birth of things. Today my one chance at legacy turned fifteen and I have one more year until she turns sixteen. The pivotal American moment when they are almost recognized as adults and their training comes barreling down to the art of getting a job, college, car, mate. It might surprise you that Laurel has chosen her life mate. Not one but two, though she forgets the "Chance" she had and still may in her life. He is already my son and his mother my sister as these two are inseparable despite us moving the next town over. They lament and grieve and love and fight and laugh and giggle together. He asks about her as his parents listen to me asking after him. He has never laid lips or hands upon her and nor has she upon him as they both respect themselves and each other. I worry for her as some of her development in comparison to mine is in appearance of being slower. But the things she slows to are the very things I wish I had so it isn't all bad. Today she informed me she wants to "kiss" him and I was pleased. She needs to get her "feet wet" on this and get the fear aside because she is strong and he is the calibur of young man who I know I can trust with her to protect her when I'm gone. He is sworn too and I know most of you don't hold merit to the swearing of oaths I can assure you he takes these quite seriously as he and I are bonded beyond that of mother-in-law and son to be. He is a "talented" boy and is "chosen" not just by her but by her mom, family. He reads these blogs-that's how much he cares for her and for her momma and never ever would try to come between the two. I know in his own way he sees me as a second momma and I am proud of the fact and the fact his mom and dad value me closely as part of their family.

In our lives family was hard to come by. We had plenty but it wasn't the family we'd choose. My friends are more family then family is, and outside of siblings and their children (and not all of them at either point) my family is sparse. Lobo is safe and a fine young woman who speaks her mind much to the dismay of peers and real family. He adores her for this and I know he won't censor her and to me that is love. The only way a man or woman should censor the one they love is with a kiss that steals their affection's heart and breathe away! Many men and women have tried in my case and few have done. He is hers and I am at peace with my lovely young lady even if she's still rough around the edges. Soon this "cake" will be finished and already there are "buyers" but only one will adore her completely. Edsel is that one. And he is my son. He accepts her inhuman qualities as if they were gifts from the gods and cherishes even her annoying habits and whines to which would drive a loving mother "mad" and under the cloak of comforters in the wee hours of the morn.

My simple sadness comes knowing soon I will lose my baby. But I shed no tears yet for she is still with me~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.