the day has been misty and sad. I tried to get along and to get going and get up but it would seem my will power has traded me in.
No matter how much I try and how well I seem to think my mentality is, I never can get or find the ambition that I once had. I have been looking at life from the position of my daughter and realize I have given her my jaded take on things. She lacks the will power to succeed and to "do" things because she has witnessed me giving up and not succeeding when I haven't thrown in the towel. What has she to look forward to? I don't think I was playing the full deck when I wanted to have a child so bad...I should've known then as it hasn't just come about that I have the worst luck and track record. In lacking the ambition to want to fail again I have given her the perfect excuse to do nothing and that is the real shame in all of this. She is so fucking smart and refuses to do anything with it. Tonight I will peek at her sleeping and close this entry short due to lack of patience and drive and bid all adieus...gnyt loves~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves
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