Fringe Benefits

when a person defies the normalcies expected of life according to the majority rules concept it is supposed that they are considered on the fringe of society. These outside fringes is where you find the most interesting people, place and things. It is where you will find me.

Do you really think that I would deliberately put myself through duress had I any other choice?? I can't say one way or the other and when I was told that I exist on the outside of societal norms, it didn't surprise me none. I have felt different since birth. I have recollection of about 20% from birth to two years old! From two to four a 60% recollection and from four on almost near perfect. I have to forcefully and selectively purge mental litter and trash to free up space for new experiences. You have no idea how frustrating it is for me to do this for to have a near perfect memory to me is normal and to purge feels like I'm losing pieces of me. I was made this way and for what intention I do not know, but I do know that there is and intention in it. I have been tormented and tortured by the lifetimes I have witnessed in my "short" thirty-nine years. Some not even my own for the learning is not only in the trying but the seeing in advance the danger that lies ahead and avoiding it! It is no wonder that my life expectancy comes to a close. I haven't forgot a face or name or song or taste in all this time and most people cannot account for what they ate yesterday. I was born to live on the fringe. I am more than unique and seriously paying for it.

It is part of me now. I am comfortable in it this way and wouldn't have it any other for that matter. The parties and fights and tears and guffaws all made it quite interesting. It's not so bad out here. Besides, someone needs to keep track of the comings and goings on of the members who were forced out and those who wandered here. My grandmother told me long ago that I would make a great historian with the capacity I have for remembering. Then I watched her fade away into senility and Alzheimer's. I fear that. Really I do and I see her oldest son, my father, fading now. And I wonder, I wonder if I am the next target. I know there is no place it will not go and I am ready for when it comes, happy in the know that it has a little farther to travel to get to me out here and that it won't survive long as I won't last long.

There are advantages and fringe benefits that come with being on the outskirts of society. The knowledge here and answers here are endless. For one, people will give up on their forced expectations after a while. You will still have new relationships that try to fit you to their mould but by the time you are my age, they will learn quite quickly! People will also know where to come for the truth and the right ideas and solutions. Solutions get lost in the bureaucracy and idiocy of the laws of mankind. Truth gets lost there too, in the quest for "things," so here is where you go to find it. We are the truth keepers and the solution finders. We are the writer's and poets and the inventors and the people who are consciously trying to improve the world and save what's left of it. We are the people who are trying to reteach the old ways and empower individuals to take back their lives and to live more productively and more forcefully. I like where I am at even if it is on the brink of oblivion. I know where I stand and have no problem with that balance. If you need something and I have it to give, you now know where I am...the last place you'll look~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.