Adios Mi Amor

the fates have a funny way of making us or telling us the right or wrong decisions either lie up ahead or were chosen! Someone took the time out to pat my back and say "Hey, you done good lass!"

We all want to think we are perfect unto our existence and even though human I am not, I am fallible! As fate would have it I am capable of loving more than one man or woman at the same time and in the same way but as conscious provides, I cannot cheat and never have. But I get an uneasy feeling knowing I have love for an old flame when I have lust and new love in a new beau. It makes for a balance beam act of proportion! Only I have chosen wisely it seems in that the old flame gave me the closure I needed without me asking for it. I still love him but am now peaceful in letting him go into that box of memories titled "the Good Ones" and move onto another adventure. This is hard for me because even though we did all the right things and dotted all our "i"s and crossed all our "t"s, we still always forget about how connected we are, so this lament is for the family and friends who suffer in the deceasement of a relationship that ends on good terms, and the ones ending on bad as well..

I will miss the family and miss the friends and I know once they get the news of the new beloved in his life they will wonder how I am and if I am ok with it. I want them to know I love him still and am not mad at him and want him happy. I want them to know it is ok to like or love the new girlfriend and if they so choose to call and say "hi" I think that one should wait a little while and give her a chance. They need to know they do not have to include me in their celebrations as it will be difficult for me to see him happy despite me wanting that for him.(remember at one time I wanted to be the one who brought him there) And nothing will please me more than to bump into them in the future and introduce someone new and know he is well and safe and content. Please forgive me for not calling or interfering and consider my heartfelt, prepared, future thinking ideas on that as "I will be in your hearts so I need not be there in the way of his." Life has a way of rewarding good deeds and though I love him and always will, I have another. I had another when he told me and though it came as a shock I did not suffer-I swear, even if I did well up a bit.

I want my old circle of mutual friends and family to know if they ever need anything that I will help if I can and to not be afraid to ask so long as it isn't concerning the new girlfriend. I hope she is pretty and loves him like he deserves, and I do not want to be a constant reminder to her of his past and I want her to judge him fairly by his actions and behaviors towards her, not what and whom he was with...

NOTE: I am cool with this guys. Life is honest and kicks us in the gut. But I really do have a wonderful man in my life and it was so funny how this all fell into place. He and I were just talking about old flames and I expressed my feelings for this other man openly and honestly. My reward was to receive and understanding partner to start a new life with and fond memories of a man I still admire and will look back fondly on, and that is a feat considering there have been plenty of them. After announcing publicly my intent to be committed to the new Mr Mobe, I was taken aback by the grace to which the old flame cared enough to tell me before his family and other friends so I would not find out and be shocked or feel cast aside quietly. I love my "payaso loco" and always will in my heart and my heart is big enough for our memories together and my new ones and future with my silly bear!~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.