Accepting Help

accepting help has never come easy for me. I am the one they all run to when they have need and today Ms Mobe feels inadequate and useless in life and what has become of hers...I know it is temporary and it will pass, but today....well...it sucks.

I'm in the midst of watching my life unfold before my eyes and every tote packed and loaded is another memory and example of disdain to which I am forced to deal with. I know I have been harping on this but the raw emotion is overwhelming me and I sit here listening to the music of other people touching things my own and packing and feeling completely inadequate as it is taking six adults to do the job that I and my kid used to be able to do with one other person before. I have amassed so much memories in boxes and papers and business bags and slide shit. My kid has amassed a fortune of memories too and it will take months to unpack and sort through and "be fine" and settled. I cry here tonight worried that I will find what I need and be where I am supposed to be and that, worst of all, Lobo can catch up from her week long holiday while I transfer her school.

I will be out of touch and pulling my hair out for a time and not even able to come online for a couple of days. Life is unsure and it all comes down to who will help you pack your shit and help you move when the time comes. Accepting that help will always be hard for me as I am it is sure to be for some of you and that acceptance is big. It also signifies that you accept you cannot do this alone no matter how proud you may be or alone and tall you think you stand. I like my "alone" and my stature and feel so small and vulnerable right now. Disdain and I are old friends and this day my disdain is for my own inadequacies

I will miss you when I am away and lament for my computer and my "in touch" with the "www" and such and all the wonderful friends and idiots I have met that fuel my blogs and desire to be heard...love always, mobe

~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves