I lost a friend today. I didn't misplace them and they didn't wander off, but I lost him nonetheless. Some things have more worth to the "getter" than others and it would seem he succumbed to his own Pandora's box of temptation.
The disconnection of life is almost god-like in its essence. You have the power to decide what you will take and what not to take and whom you will speak to and whom you will mute out. Today I had the terrible job of cutting loose the ropes to allow my balloon to "lift" once again to the heaven's light. I cry for the loss as I write, but I promised you all it wasn't going to be just a "happy/campy" bullshit article. This is real life and at times it sucks. I fear for his future and his choices but free myself from the burden of bearing the hurt that they contained. He is a good man and will always be remembered as such no matter how hard he tries to convince himself and the world he is not. Today, rather last night, he opened that box and all the promise it held. Now that it is open he cannot close it and we have to live with what was done. He is on his own path, without me now, and I wished him good tidings and let him go...
I have been told that I don't know what love is. Declared to me by doctors and friends and all their definitions, that are so similar yet people argue about who is right. Loving, to me, is unconditional and being able to let go and not hate or hold ill will, to still see the light in the loved one even if the lights are turned off. We cannot be together and because of that evil box we cannot be friends either, but nothing is ever definite. Maybe given enough time we could talk as we once did and care as we once did and be friends again. I love me enough to never go back. I love him enough to let him make his own choices and, if they be, his own mistakes. And I love my kid enough to not let her pay for mine. In my world this child will not pay for the sins of anyone but her own, for that is how I love her.
You are all special and are loved. There are reasons the hes and shes that were once there cannot any longer be by your sides. It does not retract from the love you have and have had for them, nor theirs you, for I assure you I myself have opened that box and have thought on the different paths I forced myself to take. None of us is perfect and we are infinitely beautiful in our flaws...always remember that, even when the light is out and all seems most dark to you that that doesn't mean there is no light there. They are worthy just as you of happiness, for the hate you harbor will extinguish your flame and my flame burns hot and bright and decisive tonight as I have fire in my furnace to do the things I need to do...Be peaceful and loving despite the hurt~mobe's love to you all and her all to her love's(even the one tonight who is lost forever)
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