I have learned most of what I share with you from a plethora friends. It's not to say that I haven't picked up on shit on my own, and certainly not without the common sense to be able to put two and two together and come up with four. You just aren't aware of the impact my friends have on me and how many of them exist that the untrained eyes cannot see. Today I had an interesting conversation about the subject of "locking things up."
We struggle day to day for basic needs of which one is comfort. How we place a measurement on that is as individual as fingerprints but also it is the same in the fact that comforts are not really tangible, unlike what we think. We need to be accepted and so on and we tend to build walls and lock up parts of us we don't want anyone to know or see. We tuck our emotions and seal them up with mortar and earthen bricks. The problem is these things are alive! And as living things go, they have a will to survive and those bricks will fall and the doors will unlock and the sunken chests will always float to the surface. I struggled day in and day out for my right to exist and to know who and what I am. I never have locked up part of me as it never ceased to feel alien to me to do so. We dress ourselves up for a date and put on our best "faces" but these things are not who we are. Gotta eat with the right fork and always keep our hands in our lap and never laugh too loud or love too much or make a "to do" or pitch a fit. We are afraid of these uncivilized parts of us that we cannot even kiss our loved ones and enjoy their flesh as sacred or express proper emotion for fear of being driven from the pack! Piss on that!
If it was intended that I be in a pack I would be lupine not Wamphyri. My heart bleeds and is wounded by the men and women I meet that are one thing and then another always trying to act out an existence not their own. We are animals and nothing more, and we procreate and defecate and urinate and flatulate and eat and sleep and sing and laugh and fight and sparr and teach. We are capable of being so much more than the pretty faces and bodies and words that others hold as standards for us to follow. I don't want to own a pack or even be a part of something so diseased that it would force me to cut off my arm to join. So why would I want to be part of a society that forces me to act civilized in a world where it is perfectly ok to blow up a peoples because they might do us in first and send my kid in to do it for me? This world needs its leaders and its followers and I would rather die being a leader, or scout, who fell on burned blade showing the dangers to the rest of the sheep, than to hide in my treasure chest and pretend to be something I'm not and let others make my decisions for me. I don't follow-ask Lobo this. It unnerves me even to have a freaking car in front of me when I'm driving let alone a flock of assholes who can't see in the dark. I will fall as all of you will and would rather die learning and teaching than to live with part of who I am locked up somewhere for fear that I may have rocked the boat and offended the ignorant and unoffendable. I am all about being lude, crude and socially unacceptable and relish and enjoy teaching it to those who are sick of the sheep mentality. I don't wear underclothes all the time and rarely do up my beautiful face. I haven't shaved my legs in almost a year as I see no need to hide what was put there for a reason. I don't even shave "that" to which makes me resemble a child to which I am not! I despise those that do and find it sickening enough to regurgitate the evening's meal in a steamy pile to stare at it than to bear witness to the fallacies of human nature. Men shaving their genitalia in the hopes it would appear more hearty to the women they hope to catch! A dog doesn't rub it's crotch on a rock so it will look more pink to a bitch in heat! It is preposterous, it is ugly! I love every fat and healthy square inch of my ass and all parts in between. The same goes for my angry self and vindictive side as I have no need to alter my emotions to suit someone who doesn't feed my kid or I and wont give me a pillow for my head. My disdain has been brought to you by the sheer disgust for all things not proper-as I SEE THEM! I love a man whether he be bald or black or burned or crippled or what not. I want someone in this world to take charge and lead us that can go to a fucking Walmart to buy kitty litter without having to make me wait while he spritzes on his Polo.
As for civilized...I see more civilization in a troop of ants then I do the human race. I love my smell and the things that come from me of which Lobo is loved most of all. I loved the smell of her head when she was born and smelled of me and my "private" parts, the pussy, and enjoyed knowing that if you blindfolded me and passed around twenty infants I would know mine from the rest! My odors tell me if I am ill or if I am happy and say so much more than a doctor ever has been able to! It took those fuckers 22yrs of my adulthood and another 16-17yrs of my childhood to finally diagnose, validate who I already knew I was! So, for tonight's thoughts and mind altering states I am happy to announce that I did NOT shower today and have no plans to as I am clean of heart and soul and mind, and happen to enjoy knowing I can still break a sweet musky sweat when thinking alone at night, in my bed in front of my words, and later drift off into blissful and sated(in all ways)slumber at dawn until my fat, happy, stinky ass wants to get up and trudge through the jungle, in front of the pussies and wimps that are locked inside their own fake lives and brick tombs!~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves!(p.s. You know who you are when you see this-you are loved and are accepted in all you are for you are YOU-big loveable you!)
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