More Systemology

what's a girl gotta do to get help around here? All the avenues and byways are clogged in the system and it appears as though they are going to stay that way. My readers know what I think and feel towards myself and whether or not I think I am capable. I appreciate them for that, but I do have moments where I feel weak and need a hand and the programs put in place are broke.

It's not a secret about my wild fantasies in where the world goes on without mobe. But what people don't realize is that old mobe has been in counseling for the past two and a half years and on/off over the course of her lifetime. In all this time I wanted to go to full time care facilities to get help and feared some of the horror stories I have heard not to mention my own mother's tactful abuse in letting a minor child under the age of twelve watch the movie The Fifth Floor, which in retrospect never painted the mental health profession in a good light. The stigma that surrounds people going to these places is enough to keep those that need help away, and only those that break societal laws under duress seem to make up the most of the population of these places having been forced as part of their retribution. The cost and expense of these facilities also is a deterrent and yet, still, I wanted help. Only in the county I live there are only two places I can go within a thirty mile radius. I have been to both. And neither is better than the other one, though the actual hospital, is capable of handling the medically needy should one of us disabled people not be happy with our own state of affairs regarding our health. The problem with this picture is that I did not receive the help to which I needed. At least from my perspective these places aren't set up, or at least no longer, to aid in mental health issues. They are nothing more than a baby-sitting service, and not a very good one at that.

I thought that these places were there to give specialized care on an as per basis to each individual separately. Only that isn't so, and outside of each "inmate" getting assigned a psychiatrist on staff, they only get to see that person long enough to say "hi" and "fuck you" as was my case both times. The rest of the staff and nurses are there to keep vigil and provide you with snacks and meals and entertainment in the form of watching each other make an ass out of yourself trying to write your thoughts with a crayon or doing elementary school-type crafts. I have been pondering this for a couple of weeks now since I last went in. What I expected and what I got were two different things and I don't think it was because I expected too much. On the contrary, I felt I was only asking for the care and help that these places were supposed to be designed for, only now they are set up and focussed on "catching their man" for whatever law enforcement entity has assigned to them. Vagrants, homicides and so on are being watched for their behaviors and judged and made note of to use as evidence against them and if you think your records are safe, well, you need to wise up. I expect more from my readers than blind sheep who believe what the government tells them. People hurt each other in these places and the stress of not having solutions and individual care is part of the problem. If I want to jump off a bridge and "Joe Schmucky" wants to jump off another bridge we don't need to drink juice and eat cookies and make finger puppets to get better. Certainly not even the same juice and our puppets wouldn't be the same. What if Joe wanted out because he went bankrupt in some crappy business deal and knew the gambling debt he owed some "not so nice" people was going to be collected limb by limb? And let's just say I wanted out because I couldn't deal with the grief of losing someone I loved or the pain and haunting of things done to me in the past by people who were supposed to protect me. So, how would these two both require the same counseling or care? They don't. One needs a gambling addiction specialist and money management advocate and a witness relocation program, the other needs grief counseling, group therapy for survivors of abuse and a social worker who will help build and integrate skills in the person to work through the anxiety when it sets in. Two very different people who tried to do the same thing but needed two totally different means of care.

I have been saying this and I will continue to say this over and over, the system is broke. The health insurance industry doesn't want to pay for preventative care and until someone does something drastic to get the attention from whomever will listen, they go unchecked. Their disease festers and feeds and breaks down their mind until there is nothing left but a "too wise" writer who is mad/angry with everyone and feels a great sense of hopelessness. It is a shame really. It took so many years for science to see the need for asthma patients to have care that prevents the attacks that are life threatening and yet, the practice of medicine refuses to see the need to make it affordable just like the need to get the help and counseling you need so you don't jump. Only the rich and elite can afford a mini vacation to get their heads straightened out and even then they do not fully utilize the service unless trying to get out of jail time. Not that I'm blaming them for being able to afford it, but I do agree we all should. Hippocratic Oath? Forget it, I have been to hospitals and facilities, whether medical or mental, who refuse treatment when they pull up your name and social security number and see you are indigent and cannot and have not paid your bill. To them you are a criminal and they teach their workers to see you as such criminalizing the fact that you are poverty stricken. These are the rational but somewhat irrational thoughts of a woman who has been there, yes, and done that! People need to think about this and discuss this and come up with a solution. One woman cannot fight the whole system by herself! ~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.