some people have all the time in the world while others fall short and barely have time for themselves. I am about fair to midland on that as I used to have no time at all and now suffer from too much time on my hands. Many hours spent in front of the back-lit screen of this computer tapping out endless thoughts and deleting, I am my own worst critic, and retyping again and redeleting. The food and the drink and the smoke this poor hp has seen and the unwritten word it can share.
I want to have a relationship and even would like to make time for one. I am running out of that commodity at a fast pace. Even better, the closest thing that has come to a relationship, meeting the criteria of locale/physical attractiveness/intelligence/regional dialect/pulse, has just as many if not more hangups and appointments and deadlines to meet. I'm beginning to believe the whole "fates and gods" thing is either very very mad at me which I need to know what I did so I can do it WORSE and piss them off and show them who's boss, or they don't exist at all, or they DO exist but have no clout in the here and now and simply are noshing on popcorn and watching the disaster that is my life unfold before their eyes like an all to cruel comedy. Right now the closest thing I have is a texting buddy and even then my heart has given up on ever having time to see or be with this person. It's not that I don't want to or that he don't. He has two jobs and I have 200 illnesses being treated by doctors. He has his child as often as he can and I rarely am separated long enough away from mine to wipe my own ass. And don't get me wrong-I wouldn't have it any other way where she is concerned. So why are the fates fucking with this? He is cute and personable and funny and ambitious and now, it would seem, not for me! I'm beginning to believe that whatever I had done the last go 'round was way the fuck under par or way over the top to incur such hatred and evil torment from them. He wants to do things with me and I want to as well but our conversation has gone from "you pick" and "no you decide" to more vulgar offerings of a naughty and depraved nature. We talk about it like we are already at that stage and we haven't even touched or held hands and rarely had time outside of a blip here and there to talk on the phone. Technology sucks monkey nuts big time and is ruin my love/sex life as I see it!
Time is the great communicator and equalizer. It waits for no one and takes up all of what you will have. It makes a person scared and another one excited to the point to where their heart will burst. Time likes to play tricks on you too. It likes to go excruciatingly slow when you are wanting it to hurry and the opposite as per. It messes with your mind like rushing around for appointments well after a Daylight Savings change and then freaking out because the car clock says it is 6:05pm and you were praying it wasn't only to find out it was 5:05pm and somehow you got it wrong. To make matters worse, I deliberately changed the damn clock when I got in the car this afternoon thinking it was off but the darn "clock change" was some couple of weeks ago! I don't know why my own mental clock was off and compelled me to do so but boy I sure felt like a numb-skull when my kid came out from the storage's office to tell me my car clock was off, exactly the amount of time I put it off not fifteen minutes earlier! There is no doubt in my mind that I am losing it or never completely had it, whatever "it" is. I only wish I did long enough to have a semi-normal date or relationship with a like minded individual who wants to spend time with me. A girl can dream can't she?~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.
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