there is never a sight more pretty in my eyes as the things that remind me of home. I see birds and trees and all sorts of fauna that leave me breathless, and I long for the cold windy nights and breezy summer days of eating watermelons and corn on the cob and lighting sparklers in the dark with a Bic and getting burnt as they twinkly down the metal stem. I long for water that comes out of the faucet cold and hot, not just hot.
They say you can never go back home and I am not here to tell you either way. I will tell you this, it has been near difficult for me, and I did go back once but had to return to hell again and the daily grind. I have made many friends and admire their capability to deal with shit. I spend my days daydreaming about the future in a perfect spectrum and reminiscing about a past that is beautiful and horrific at the same time. There are stories I can tell but not today, not here right now. I want to go home today if even in my mind. It's been a bad day because I made it so in my failure to adjust. I want holly bushes in my yard and beach nut trees and elms in my yard. I want a weeping willow to whomp me up and down and those long thin branches of a yellow spring flower to make a wreathe for my head with. I miss having a schedule and not being scared to ride a bike. I liked having someone cook for me and the food be delicious and I loved having clean beds and clothes and not having to lift a finger. Sure, I had chores and the older I got the bigger the "to do" list got. But I had no fear! I had reason to fear but I had no sense to. When to walk five miles was nothing, and now to walk fifty feet is painful and scary for fear I will fall and do more harm. I have a beautiful bike I want to ride only I don't want to wear a helmet and people aren't as good drivers as they were in my day. I live on a residential street without a lot of traffic and still idiots treat it like the Autobahn!
Nowadays I have to watch my sun and indoor light exposure so I think back on all the sunny fun days I had when I thought I was human. The two-piece swimsuits that I wore as a youth and the many times I enjoyed getting burned while swimming underwater at the ocean and finding great treasure. I miss the lighthouse back home on Plum Island and the rock jettison(we called it jetty)that we would comb for mussels at low tide. I remember when parents were gods, you could drink the water that came from the icicles dripping from the rooftops and could wrap your feet in plastic bags as added insulation in your boots to keep your feet dry when you went outside to have the snowball fight of the century. There are no jumping in piles of leaves or kids delivering newspapers. People have preyed upon the Earth's children to the point that mothers with memories like mine are afraid to let them out of their sight. And doing so saved my kid's life so it wasn't all that bad. For now I am content with the memories and every once in a while need a trip down the lane to draw me out of disdaindom for even a second to catch my breath before going back in. This is just a day...~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.
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