we try on clothes and shoes and cars. We try out jobs as they are trying us on. Most every decision made today is made by the mere act of throwing something up on the wall and seeing what sticks. We even throw ourselves up there and our friends and prospective companions to see if they "stick." For years I have been doing this and idly watching others do the same.
We all have failed and succeeded and failed again. And later we question the old values where people got married in a hurry and stayed together for an eternity, until, actually, death did they part. So what makes that work and the rest fail? You would think getting to try them on first would make it easier to pick what fits, but history has shown us the opposite. And yet, we keep doing this with futile effort. How about arranged relationships and marriages? Imagine your family and grandparents "picking" a partner for you. Some cultures still do this, though most have adopted a median when it comes to it because it was still a 50/50 deal with it being an everlasting union.In America divorce rates are far worse. Now the family gets more involved and gets to respect and know their children and try to find a suitable mate that will support their child and their child's ideals. And still there are those that arrange unions in the old customs according to status and title. Who doesn't want someone they can grow with and mold into to become a perfect "one" with?
Only now we all choose for ourselves and decide for ourselves and treat people like clothes and possessions and try them on. It fits for awhile, but soon it gets worn or loses its luster and fades. It fits from the start, but when tragedy comes along it doesn't hold up in the monsoons that prevail. It fits for the beginning, but as you get older you find you can't sustain it. My friends all have this dilemma and most of you do to as well. It was put to me one day by an annoying colleague the concept of love. No one knows what it is for sure but we've all had a taste of what it is not. So now we have two people who met by pure accident and something drew them together. Both are afraid and both have had hurt and both want to heal and move forward. Things could still fail, but unless you play the sport, you won't get the win. I met someone recently by pure accident (note: see "A Little Sweetness Goes A Long Way" from late April) and find I am at a crossroads. We have known each other but a few weeks, since the twenty-seventh of April to be exact. I knew when we met that I "wanted" him. And within the short twenty minutes we shared conversation it was bad, this need. But when he got up to leave, I choked and promised myself I wouldn't do the "modes" I had in the past. And when he stopped and came back to "get" me because he didn't want it to end there either, I knew I loved him. It scared me and it still does. Today it scares me more because I told him how I felt half expecting him to run.
His mother and father met by accident, not the same place as we but equally accidental. He felt something he couldn't deny and knew I was interested though he wasn't looking. I guess I have gotten a little lame at keeping things coy and not displaying too much enthusiasm. We both know we are headed down a serious road and I am in it. I am fully in it. He is not perfect and I am not perfect, but we may well be perfect for each other. Even my kid approves, and I have said time and again that I wouldn't unless she did. She confided in me when she told me she liked him that she never liked any other. Could this be the sign? He's a day person and I am a night. We are so different and yet seem to fit like we belonged here for a very long time. I don't want my friends and family to worry. I know they will anyway, but I promise that if it all falls apart, I won't let myself do the same. I have to see this through, even if it is going to be an experiment I may never get. I don't want my child to freak out either if it doesn't work out. I will never blame her. She is my baby and she is the most important thing in my world until she is old enough to take care of herself and even then, she is still going to be one of the most important people present. I am diving into the pool in the deep end and hoping that if I don't make it up for air that I at least get to die smiling in someone's arms as they pull me out. I have a good feeling on this one, as never before has one got my attention like he has. I like who I am and how I feel with him and am thinking there is something in the world's accidents and arrangements. Maybe my kid really does know better than her mom and children do make selections for their adult parents when they are alone. She's fifteen and growing wise but at a pivotal moment where she is still innocent and sees with "all knowing" eyes. I love her for that and I love her for the unconditional love she gives me, and I love her for the support she has for her "dating" mom and the man in her life right now. Time will write the story and I will bring it to you and who knows, maybe the data collected will help some of you to realize that people aren't clothes and possessions and the "perchance" of a meeting is a gift from the fates that be, that it is ordained by a higher power, by a force of will or your god(s).~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves and a kiss for a very important girl in my life and one for the man in my heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment