what part of alone don't you get?? It's not as if I have this sudden intermittent need for quality "me" time. I have been harping on my alone need for quite a while now. I promise not to force on you my want to be alone if you promise to not force onto me your need to congregate in herds or flocks. All by myself is not just a song. It is a sense of "Shang Ri-La" to those of us that just don't fit in. I can spend days singular and never fret or fuss over what I want to eat or whom I want to visit or where I need to be or what I'm going to watch. I have had plenty of time to come to the realization that my very best company is myself. I get a kick out of people that haven't. One of my exes can only define himself by whom he's with. He can't stand to be by himself and hates the alone feel of things. I see him as weak and needy and he's not the only one either. I have seen sisters and brothers in a single family unit fall short of "id" security and even parents. In a way, maybe the parents have passed on this trait of not being able to stand one's own company. In between relationships I always take time to regroup and assess and enjoy this time of revelation. There are individuals that just would rather make a cold plate and chill in front of the computer in their bed clothes and tune out everything else but the words on the page and the music in the back drop. Well my friends, mobe is just such a quirky sort to find it arousing. The only thing better would be to feel and experience death slowly to the last breathe. Of course I have always been a macabre and disturbed little girl, but now I am a full blown nut-job with a fetish for her own end! And then they haul me away in a paddy-wagon or threaten to do so.
The system isn't made to handle the dreams of every single person. If it was we'd have less people in it because those that wish to be obsolete would have the right to do so without cause for recourse. But we have psychologists without children telling us how to raise and discipline our own and accountants who are wanted to for tax evasion/fraud that prepare our taxes and all sorts of people doing jobs that have no business or right in. I like my job. It pays me well and I don't receive a damn dime. It feeds my mind and my heart and spirit and creates the sanity that keeps my thoughts in check and on the page instead of running rampant through the streets naked and smoking doobies and and blowing people to bits with an AK-47 assault rifle. Fates know that would be a hell of a good time and maybe if I did so that and take few out I'd finally get that alone time I so desperately need and if not, people would just automatically give me a wide birth because then my intentions would be clear as crystal wouldn't they?~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.
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