Firsts

there's a moment when you close your eyes and slightly part your mouth open and can feel your heart trying to tap out some unknown code to let the world know this it it. It is a moment we all dream about and one that makes a girl's knees go weak and a man's soul rip in two to make room for his beloved. A kiss can swipe away all pain and fear and hurt and practically everything from a person's mind in one instant. It can change the world...

I remember my first kiss. It was me and some neighborhood boy and my sister and a bunch of other kids. I was eleven and he was the same. All kids back then played little innocent experimental games like Spin The Bottle, Truth Or Dare and my favorite, Seven Minutes In Heaven. (from the wisdom of children...little did they know it really only does only last around seven minutes for most! *giggles) Me and this boy had our turn in the closet, "heaven" and when he kissed me I felt like a big St. Bernard had pounced on me and proceeded to lick me and barrel his big, fat, steamy, yuck in my mouth! Poor Keith, I am leaving his last name out to be kind as we were just kids, screamed in horror when I bit it. Something I would continue to do from that point on but later would make an art of making them WANT me to. But Keith didn't know I wouldn't like his attempt. I didn't either and I would wait another five years before attempting it again. I had pecks and kissies and such from boyfriends, but tongue was off limits. Back then you couldn't get me to eat a piece of rare meat for that very reason, it reminded me of him and his doggy tongue and kisses. Now, well let's just say if they carved it straight from the cow to the plate, I'm all good!

The deal is this. We all have had a first kiss, or even two if you count the first kiss for every bloke and lass. But would you believe most of us had the same sucky one like I did. I have interviewed girlfriends and boyfriends and old people and young people and for the most part, that passionate on screen kiss (From Here to Eternity: the beach scene with Burt Lancaster in case you need a visual) is a myth or rare event in deed. Sex too. Very few of us get that brass ring, the most wonderful moment of our life. But we all build up the expectation and then suffer by the wayside when we find out the silver screen lied to us. But it didn't, really. It didn't lie to One lass and lad. It was everything they hoped for and waited for and were ready for despite the poking and prodding of friends and family and peers telling them they were waiting too long.

I know this lass and watched her head reel afterwards. I watched her world change forever. And I had to counsel her afterwards as to all this surge of feeling and emotion and need and want, and I can only hope I conveyed to her that what she did was NOT wrong but also not right enough to trudge head first into something we both knew she wasn't ready for. I wasn't present for the kiss. I couldn't tell you if he was Burt Lancaster or Don Knotts, nor could I tell you if the sky lit up with comets and shooting stars or lightning bugs hovering close like pixies in the breeze. But I can tell you I saw two kids leave for a walk and two young adults very much in love return to momma's breast, she with a need to spill her secret and he with the most profound and proud grin on his face.

Tears stream down my face recalling it. Why? Because the she was MY little girl and for once a good thing happened to someone I care about and would die for. As adults we want our kids (or should want them) to fare better than we did and have better experiences than we had. We want them to succeed where we failed. I failed to wait letting peer pressure get the best of me and failed to have a good first experience because of it. It set the tone for everyone afterwards too, always leaving me a little expectant and a lot unfulfilled. But my child did succeed and will have that moment for the rest of her life no matter who loves her or whether these two stay together or not. She will look back fondly and have something to tell her kids that is positive, that life is WORTH waiting for, whereas I had nothing but disdain and fear and warnings of doom to bring to her "classroom" with me. The lessons I taught her were tarnished enough to be effective but had a word of hope for her. It was hard to give her that when I so believed it didn't exist. But now...My world has changed too.

I have hope for her and it is real and genuine and true and my though process is changed. Maybe I WILL find that someone who will look at this flawed but spectacular and loving beast and want to kiss me that way, to make me smile for them. To make me smile because it matters to them....mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.