Protection & Tutilage

if it's safe you'll know and when it's not you will be scared to not do a thing. People take for granted the civic duty they have to be diligent in protecting each other and propelling one another forward through life. There is truth to be said for the tome "You are only as strong as your weakest link" and today there are many weak links infecting society.

Of course, I consider myself one to a degree but it wasn't always this way. And I can toot my own horn and give you the tales of what an ambitious twat I used to be, but I can also tell you my motives weren't always entirely clean, still aren't. The difference between your lovely mobe today and ten years ago is that I have come to accept who I am and how flawed I am. I have come to embrace my inner bitch or bastard, if you will. I make no excuses for my behavior other than to say "it suits me and makes me entertained" and for that I provoke ire in others and the misconception that I actually planned on pissing them off or showing them up by what I think and say. The truth is I don't give a damn enough about anyone to orchestrate such an obnoxious theory! And I don't give enough thought to you to do so, unless it proves lucrative to me. If there is attention given it is only given because there is a perfect opportunity to martyrdom or everlasting salvation, to buy one's own easy street in the hereafter. Not a moment's thought beyond thy self. And I am not ashamed to admit it either. Better an honest scoundrel than a lying zealot!

It falls on me as the best capable to push my child in the directions that I see fit and protect her at all costs to ensure she has a full and satisfying life. Yes, she has a father and grandparents and even a half sister floating about Massachusetts these days but she has been with me as her tutor of life since day one. There is nothing, absolutely nothing that we cannot talk about whether it be sex, life, death, disease or any other inappropriate topic that comes to mind of the more darker side of humanity. I know a few of you will raise eyebrows at the thought of a mother sharing the secrets of the lesser likable personality disorders with a child, but I felt it necessary for her to know that there ARE all types of individuals out there and that not all will approve of her or like her or put her interests first. Such is life.

The truth is I robbed her of her innocence and replaced it with something far more valuable, wisdom, the wisdom of ages and experience and have given her a head start on adulthood and the right maps to navigate the black seas the come before and after some of the more tumultuous storms. She knows what she lost and is somewhat slightly saddened by that fact but also thankful for what she has gained. Any loss is a suffered one but when replacing it with something far more valuable we see an advantage that heals our hearts quicker. She is a devious tart and self-serving one and for that I am glad. No one will push her around and no one will take advantage of her that she herself hasn't allowed to. Many people tell me how bad they can't stand my kid and when I ask them why they read off the riot act of her insolent behavior (as they call it) when she defends herself. In my country, we are presumed innocent until proven guilty only some people feel children and young adults have no business in defending themselves. My family is used to subservient children that are obedient to a fault, if you asked them to jump off a bridge they would all comply. Only Lobo would question your motives and actions in that. And, she would make an educated decision herself as to whether or not it would be a lucrative venture or have devastating effects to her safety. She stands her ground and when she does I am so proud of her and so full of hope for her future. She isn't afraid of anyone, and if she is, she is bold enough to push the fear aside and hold steadfast! Too many kids fail to do this and are intimidated by authority or betrayed by their elders and rebel without a clear plan or thought, putting them at serious risk or injury.

We're at the point where I see I am no longer needed outside of advice every now and then and have come to spend the bulk of my time observing and letting her fail at will and also to watch her when she succeeds. It is hard to balance praise with tolerance because I have to teach her that though some negative values are necessary, they are not always good to fall back on. So, when she is "in action" being her devious and conniving self, I am proud but I don't reflect it to her often. When she is challenged wrongly I champion to her cause. And in my family no matter how wrong an adult be they deem themselves always "righter" than the children and feel the children should give way and yield to the tantrums of grown persons when they themselves are not allowed to behave in such manner. There is no "do as I say and not as I do value" in my home and there are no monsters under the bed. The two monsters sleep IN the beds and are a force to be reckoned with. So protect her, I did and teach her I am still doing but hold her back, never. I will not punish her for the shitty rearing I had and she will not suffer for the lack of proper male upbringing because I came equipped with that capability too.

Lobo is perfect and loved and protected, even when she is away from me by court ordered visitation, and I am in her head twenty-six hours a day! My own family echoes in my head still, and echoes all the warnings of not surpassing their glory and not bucking the system and not amounting to anything and not valuing anything unless it is to THEIR benefit. Lobo's mind is echoed with you cans and you wills, it's okay to fail, you need to do what's best for you and...I love you, more than anything.~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves.