Deadlines & Lifelines

it becomes harder and harder to keep up good spirits as the holiday season gets closer and closer. I barely made it through Thanksgiving and I didn't even have to cook. Now "Ho ho ho" is upon us and I just finished putting up the tree.

With blended families it is hard to please absolutely everyone and trying to can pop a few vessels in the brain matter. This year I was able to accomplish a happy medium with my brother and his family, though it was a chore. We tend to forget how set in our own ways and how much we are our own best obstacles. I used to put up my tree by my birthday but it took me the better part of several days afterwards and I used to have all my shopping done by September and am tumbling through it blindly(lest not forget the Black Friday ordeal)and still not sure I am finished. At the rate I am going I might have shit wrapped by Xmas 2011! Don't blame the bro as he would have had things done before I usually do them and some maybe later. All of our times have been out of sync and we all seem like zombies going through the motions in distress one second and congealing, albeit temporarily, the next.

It isn't that time has escaped me or that I am bad at keeping time. Age and health play an integral part to the discomfort and the failure to meet certain deadlines and goals I set for myself. I have come to accept the failure and that in and of itself is a personal hell for me considering I was once quite over-punctual and adept at most schedules and their conflicts that would arise. Now I set a timeline and start to drown in the sea of denial and need a lifeline. It comes in the form of that meager acceptance of failure, but at what cost to my ego and mental stability? It's as if I have rolled over and just said it is ok to fuck up and  pretty soon, you'll be seeing me not even bother, again. I need a tangible reason for living. I know it sounds sad especially at this time of year, but I do need one. I can't find one good reason for wanting to go through the mess and disappointment of the overall holiday fiasco. I am not a scrooge nor an evil shrew. My kid, no matter how vile or not throughout the year, never goes without, but I recall plenty of holidays where I was an angel and gained nothing but the unfair swat of an ill conceived hand that didn't have a clue.

I just want to make it through, unscathed, a meal and some phone calls and call in the "nap" card and withdraw to my room. I am going to be responsible for dinner with the help of my brother and already feel overwhelmed as the two families eat quite different than each other. It would be remiss to please all but one, or some but not others, and pleasing all is going to be a feat I have to pull off. So now I resort to notes and an itinerary for what needs to be done when and fear my legs or other ailments may even interfere with that. If all else fails we can have Chinese take-out! Here's what I have come up with for a menu:

HOLIDAY Dinner 2010

lamb roast, ham with cinnamon and brown sugar glaze
sausage n winter squash stuffing
Toutque(French meat pie-though it's spelling alludes me pronounced toot-kay)
mac n cheese, roasted potatoes
spinach gratin, glazed carrots, corn
sausage n cheese n cracker platter, deviled eggs, condiment(pickle/sauce) tray
crab cheese spread
coconut cream pie, pumpkin mousse, spice cake with cream cheese icing

it doesn't look like much compared to the bountiful Christmas dinners we have had as children in my parents home, but it will please everyone despite the mix of regional foods and unorthodox sides to what we are all accustomed. There will be meat enough to please all and sides were picked by all and even desserts to please all. Here's a toast of champagne to things going without a hitch...as I will be spending the bulk of the week preparing the prep work and pastries ahead of time before Friday. Happy holidays and peaceful (re)unions to you and yours~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves