so a chick walks into the doctor's office complaining of a headache and chills and breathing difficulty. The doctor says "sounds like bronchitis" and prescribes antibiotics to aid in the healing process and notices the chick's left leg resembles a ham compared the her right leg...
My doctor said my edema is getting worse and my lymph nodes are working overtime and filling my body and well, gravity sucks. My legs are literally choking my feet and there is a possibility I may lose my feet and no one seems to have a handle on these issues and we are all just dealing with them as they crop up. The problem is I am the one who has to "deal" and it has been one emotionally damaging plane crash after another. One minute you got a chest infection and the next they say we got to take your legs...I am supposed to be confined to bed rest with my legs above my head/heart. I am not mad at any one person specifically and already went the faith-lacking route long ago and even don't blame the gods that be. I just want to know what the hell I did in a previous life to deserve this. There is no manual for how to deal with all of this that is going on with me. I have defied all medical science and I still keep going. I may lose the feet and later the legs, and yet, no discomfort. I cannot tell what is severe enough to warrant a medical check up and am so sick of one doctor after the next that I won't go unless I "feel" the discomfort-but I don't feel anything on a pain scale that is normal. By the time I do feel pain it is usually too damn late as the damage is done and I cannot afford to go to the doctors everyday just on the "hunch" that something is wrong!
The doctors treating me now seem competent enough but even they lack knowledge of "me" and this territory so much that we have a situation of a dozen people flying the same plane and all are blind. I am a beautiful woman who is fat and from the waist up quite dashing and from the knees down used to be but that middle-the hip/ass/thigh area is a train wreck. I need constant massage to my lower extremities and have to be wrapped like a mummy from Egypt and the wrappings won't stay still. My upper legs resemble upside down holiday trees and the wrappings role down like the stocking of a whore at the end of a night out on the town. It is painful to me in the knee joints and is equally damaging other areas but if I don't do it I can kiss my legs goodbye. The twist is if I do do it I may cause bruising which leads to clotting and possible heart attack or stroke! Most of the weight I carry is in that central area and is full of fluids that for some reason keep building up over time and my diet, or lack of, has nothing to do with it. I should crawl into a coffin and give them a chance to stake my heart "old-fashioned" style and be box-ridden and all this would pass according to them.(or the problem of me even being an issue would disappear according to their wishes) I thought exercise would force the fluids out and that the sedentary lifestyle from the bone loss would cause/aggravate the situation, but they keep telling me to be more sedentary. I don't want to be bed ridden and lifeless for the rest of my life. And the truth is there is no fancy romantic truth to me climbing into a pine box and waking up some 100 years later looking for blood and victims. This is real folks. EPP kills and if it doesn't get you one way it will destroy you another!
I am destined to decide my own future and fate and "HOW" I want to die-on my feet or on my back. We all want to die on our backs in the middle of the orgasm of a lifetime and well, it would seem my libido will be useful to that end...or I could let the legs slowly and painfully die first and be the pity stock and burden of and to others. This is horrific for my child to witness and it angers her and one minute she is so loving and the next she feels like she got a "bum steer" for a mom...I can't make that call but either way I will see her through to adulthood and after that your guess is as good as mine...I am somber and full of thought and even still entertaining the idea of a world without my fat-assed loud mouth...but I'm not done fucking yet....not done fucking with peeps yet either~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves!
No comments:
Post a Comment