Do Unto Others

the definition of right and wrong varies as much as the people who speak it. I have always lived and hurt by my own convictions and beliefs and yet, I still stand firm and tall, as tall as a five foot four inch chubby could, and know in my heart I try to do the right thing, even at my own expense.

Mobe is in love and has been for some time. I have no secrets. Only now, the man of her affection and her had a falling out today and the timing couldn't be any worse. The distance was killing us, at least in my opinion and there were logistical intrusions to prevent the union between us two, but I was willing to ride it out. Only some people have no problem defining right and wrong based upon what they will tolerate themselves doing unto others. There's a twist! (ALWAYS) And most often in most cases the same people who found no flaw in their design and actions would certainly find it had flaws once the tables had been turned. So, in the span of one day we were informed he wouldn't be free to travel for over a year and all was rocky but seemed workable. After all, Mobe loves him and needed him to keep focus, so, as his love and he being hers, decided the wait was going to be worth it, he's a really great guy. He has had a rough life and deserves happiness and I intended upon being the person responsible for that happiness. There are other complications to which we were working through, my living with family now was one of them. The other was the fact of his residence and whom he shares a home with. A lovely woman he has known through thick and thin. He still loves her as he should and I never begrudge him of that fact, I still love some of my exes and even that bastard of a baby-daddy! But she doesn't know she's an ex and he doesn't want to hurt her. I don't either and was under the impression she did know, even if to some extent.

So this wonderful man is torn between the woman he has known for almost two decades and the one he just met and doesn't want to hurt either but finds it acceptable to hurt one based upon time put in. I am ok with that to an extent, but in the end she should know. They are living a lie and even though he and I aren't together I have been where she is at and she must know or have a clue on something. Mobe is a quick learner and understands some are not. Unfinished business is just that! I don't blame him for loving me or me for falling in love with him. I accepted that we were going to be together and she would eventually find out but now knowing it will take a year or more changes the right and wrongness for me. Now I am the "secret clandestine OTHER WOMAN" and it all feels dirty to keep her duped for the duration of the wait just so he can be free of his guilt. I have guilts of my own and even some involved with this and know the sting of finding out a partner "checked out" of the relationship long before checking their bags at the door. I felt like a fool. Only now I don't want her to. I don't know her at all and take him for his word that she's a gem, but why wouldn't he want to make the gem work that he he has than to try to get another? These things are bugging me because I didn't just lose a lover in my heart, but ripped apart a bigger hole where the "friend" used to be...but seeing me and talking to me causes "him" great pain and tears because I told him I wouldn't help him live a lie for thirteen plus months! I gave up the man I love to cleanse his soul, against his will, and to give her her rightful place back as he wasn't mine to have in the first place. What I got was a heartache and accused of causing others to hurt or trying to. I know he loves me and is hurting as I am. But what he wanted me to do was wrong in my eyes and no matter how many tears I rub away it still is. Not just to her but to ME too! To know that the man I love is playing house with another and sharing intimate, if even not sexual, moments with her while I remain totally his is torture and unjust punishment. But he rationalized it was a spoonful I could swallow and that the ends justified the means...but they don't! I have been used before in all aspects like in this tryst! I won't let him do this to her...if he loves me then he has to be true to me and if he doesn't love her, it's gonna hurt but a lot less knowing it from the start than a carefully "acted out" year!~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves