the forgetful faerie came early for me today. Christmas dinner shopping and such was supposed to be a fun-filled adventure between an older sister and her brother. All was fine as we went to the first grocer and the second. When we exited the Publix on the other side of town I popped my trunk and proceeded to load with groceries. I never thought about it and how stupid the ritual was until now...
I have had a driver's license for some twenty-three years. Five cars and countless hubbies and significant others later it was bound to happen even to the most perfect of non-humans. I am flawed even in my unique design. I toss my keys in the trunk as I always do because I have a genuine fear of some idiot stealing them and jumping in the driver's seat and careening away with my purse, kid and whatever the day's purchases were.(safety first!) Nothing unusual in the fact excepting today my feathers were ruffled and I won't blame Jay as I am used to his practical jokes, but I have been distracted by other thoughts and once the last bag was tossed in I closed the trunk, keys and all locked inside forever. It is no big deal to most of you but to me it is a big deal as I rarely, if ever, make silly mistakes as this. In all these years I have never locked my keys inside my car let alone trunk and survived two hubbies who made a habit of it. I used to joke with them that my car(s) didn't like them and were trying to shut them out. Only now the joke was on "lil miss perfect!"
Not one soul had a slim jim, but I did...in the trunk of the car. Not one soul had even a wire hanger, but I did at home. I am surprised by how many people won't actually come to the aid of a person in need. At first I thought Jay was fucking with me and took the keys to get me rankled. But to my dismay and embarrassment I locked them up tight and this was the first time since he was a kid that he rode with me! I called home in the hopes that I had a spare-I know I owned one but with moving and such and the way I was living beforehand with all my mental disarray I couldn't remember where it was. I called the most recent ex and he denied having it. I called Jay's girl to ask her to fetch us my purse as I left it at home not needing it(probably would have locked it in too!)and then went into the store to use the phone book to look up a locksmith. I programmed the number in my cell and the cashier said the manager may have a hanger in the office. Luckily he did and it was already bent, they had this happen before I take it, and went outside. Jason tried first and then I gave it a shot. I didn't want to chip the paint or break the seal in the door for fear rain would seep in the car or rust the metal under the enamel. No spare key in the purse and no luck with the hanger so I dialed the number to find it cost $89 fucking in cash and I would have to wait for 40 minutes. I was shocked and asked the guy why is it almost $100 and he corrected me and said it was $20 less to which really pissed me off at this point and I corrected him that it was $11 less. He was a shit. I was a shit back, then he tells me he needs my credit card info before he will send out a truck...like hell I will give that mathematical idiot my card number! I told him I locked them in too and will give that information to the guy...I know he wanted to send that truck. They know we need them! I hung up...shortly, after a cigarette or two, my brother gave it another go and lo and behold, between my night vision and him and I being "in sync" with directions I gave from the passenger's side of the car, he managed to pop the lock, alarm blaring. He panicked wanting to know where the trunk pop was and I was panicking in the noise and attention drawing to us and ran my fat little ass over and popped the trunk forgetting the two Mountain Dews of death and a bag of Sunchips as they rolled off the back. I sprinted my fat little ass again to get them but my left baby toe caught a White-Out Dew and broke, painfully. Jason was elated and even chided how he saved me $89 and I chided back the toe surgery costs more! All was saved.
My question is this...Why hasn't some asshole invented a way of latching or clipping a slim jimbleels" and "step back from the cars" melody! It was awesome what the power of a loud little silver bullet(*FORD-Taurus)could do the rest of the parking lot! Just like me, my "Maggie" whines loud enough to distress others of her kind! lmao (I pity the suckers who finished their shopping only to find dead batteries after the orchestra!) hahahaha~mobe's love to her all and her all to her love...p.s. poor Lobo thought she broke something and freaked out...priceless!
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