only the people who have walked your road will be able to appreciate your humor. I find I am not here to entertain all as that would seem an arduous and vain task to even try. My story and "take" on things will leave a bad taste in some's mouths and will put a smile on other's faces, but will never be boring...
I had a dream last night, rather this morning, about myself. As usual most of my dreams are of me and quite self absorbed. Why shouldn't they be when they are the manifestations of my past, present and future? I was older than I am now and alone. I wasn't anyone special and didn't have a vast fortune but I was content and for some strange reason it didn't bother me none. I love a man right now and he knows it. Actually several but one in specific and don't want to alarm him or push him away but reality is what it is and this one may sting though it's not intended to. The idea of me being all alone bothers me only to the point of wondering where he is and if there is a "he" at all. You see there have been too many hes in my life and one more won't make a difference nor will two. I have been searching for the one who will be there, and then this dream goes and tells me it ain't so! Not that there aren't any candidates...I have several exes who find it difficult to let go and I myself like having them around. They are like my own little all "beefcake" cheering section until you get the bastards in the same room and the pricks come out with the rulers and who had longer time with me and what they had done!
It sickens some to know the numbers and even makes me shake my head with a wry smile but I am my own worst enemy. I create half the chaos I inherit and the other half comes by proxy. So I find myself wondering tonight why and where all of them are some fifteen years from now when I am older and grayer and longer in tooth. Iggy will be gone and my heart will be broken some dozens of times by then and I will be alone. In my own home or rental and watching the late night fare and typing away in my own perverse universe waiting for the end or a new beginning. Give the bitch a gold star! (finally got the license and registration thingy finished and lo and behold, there was that damn haunting gold star on my license at the top signifying I am validated as a United States citizen and not some short, red-headed, fat, cute terrorist as was thought a couple of days ago by "the Man")
My friends are all gone in the future and I sit quietly and calmly for the first time in my life and just are....it sounds peaceful. It looks peaceful, but the me that is here in this year only wonders about the sex I won't be having and if I will be sucking baby food from a tube...ick! Strained peas!!!! So when you wake in the morrow and look at what the head held on film the night before do you see yourself alone, peaceful and content or does it make you want to just get your heat on and go slaughter something in bed until he can't feel his legs and never will forget you??...you should all know by now that there are plenty of men and so little time and though I love one dearly and keep him in my heart, the beast wants and if that door is opened again has some numbers to catch up on! But don't fret my doll, I ain't going anywhere yet and belong to one-er two! You and Iggy and he says you can have the wall side of the bed so long as he can come in to say goodnight and good morning to his fat momma!~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves, with a wink tonight to a special love who I hope was just in the kitchen in that dream making me some tea and taking too damn long to come into the picture!
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