been thinking for a couple of days on the things I would like to see culminate in the new year. I have hopes and dare not voice them for fear that I will jinx them by the uttered sound of my chords. They that need to know already do and my thoughts are merely just to speculate on what options will be utilized and what will be overlooked and yet again, what will surprise me in that I hadn't thought of them yet.
Does it make a difference if I write or say them? I seriously see Lobo barreling down to the end of her child hood and innocence thought the last part was lost long ago. Not through a tragic incident but be the typical way in this day and age that a broken family can rob a child of her youth and a sick mom is just the catalyst. I wonder what the new year holds for her as she turns fifteen soon and by this time next year will probably be driving with a permit. I have not else to do with my time than to speculate the future and investigate the past and try to improve upon the present. Gone are the hopes of an upper class eating establishment or a trip abroad. Gone even is the delusion of owning my own home, you know, the one with the huge master suite and a sunken tub big enough for three of me and a kitchen to die for! Now I only hope my kid will wise up and learn to cook and get into a routine befitting her the lifestyle she will have to lead in order to have a long and fulfilling life. The best I can hope for is she gets decent grades and can afford to pay someone to prepare her dietary needs for her, though I myself don't trust others with that kind of care for me-never did and never will.
I want so many things as I grew up in a needy genus. I was brought up human and suffer the ills of man in that I want things to make my life comfortable and things to entertain me. The warmth of a male companion is a want and never truly has been a need, though they all feel they are, and I am the one that is needed to fix their issues, only now I haven't the time or ability and means to do so. It would be nice to find one who is issue free but it would be selfish of me to expect that as I am not without my own luggage so I am quite content with the stock I hold in Energizer and Adam & Eve. I think it scares the shit out of them to find a woman who can change her own light bulbs and the oil in her car and is capable of everything he is. It isn't enough to know that they are wanted and to me I only want to be wanted, not used! So alas, I expect another year with approximately a half dozen suitors to which I will care and love for all until I am tired of the drivel and exact my independence. I am content in the cycle and have met some interesting fellows whether they all turned out to be cry-babies or not. It's funny how they all think on how unique they are and yet around me they all are the same. So my needs for the new year are few as I am able to acquire most of what I need and live without that to which I cannot obtain. As for wants, I'm at the stage in my life expectancy to just be content with what I get and be happy in the know that I still have the right to refuse the garbage thrown my way as if they think I will stoop just because my only visitor of late wears a dark cloak and carries a sickle in a bony grip!
Lobo will need new clothes and money like all teenagers and will want to go everywhere and do everything and really test my nerves as it will be as difficult to reign her in as it was me at her age. The difference being I was a lot more active and responsible and she still is a lazy lot with a total disrespect for responsibility. She is even disrespectful of the concept of money too as she still thinks it grows on trees and at her age I was rolling in it as I had several jobs and always kept busy. I want her to get a job and work her ass off and understand how hard it is to make money and where it goes. She hasn't grasped that yet and I anticipate she will need a very wealthy partner who won't give a shit about her spending limits! I have been to condoning of most of her behavior and she has taken every advantage of that fact. So like a man she is! I love her and want her to be a good citizen and mother and friend, she will have to find her way somehow. Do you ever wonder about your next year and where the money for your medication is going to come from or whether someone will be there when that time comes to call that you finally get up and take a walk with the big bony lug in the cloak? I hope all your wishes and needs are fulfilled in the new year, each and every one of you from the first friend or lover to the last friend or lover...~mobe's love to her all and her all to her loves
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